All My Toys: Enter the V

Dear Diary,

Whoa. It's been awhile. 2016 is over with though right? No. Almost over. We have a few more weeks. We can do this Diary! We can survive! It's been a crazy year. The toy world was thrust into a post apocalyptic mad world. Kinda at my own hands. Sorry world. I'm still kinda in hiding because the entire toy world hates the ground I walk on and probably wishes I'd just sit on a big rock. Or whatever. Count Chocula is president in what some are calling a rigged election at the hands of Cobra. A mess. I did get to star in the new Jaws 5 film. Not just star, but I actually got to become the lead role! It all happened so sudden. I was only supposed to be an extra but then somehow Mark Hamill the director saw a bigger vision and said, "Miss M, you will be the star of Jaws 5!" It was so unexpected. However I can't say anymore about the movie. We wrapped filming a little while ago. That's kinda why I've been so quiet on here. At some point soon they will release the behind the scenes super special making of the movie thing all about Jaws 5. You'll go behind the lens and really see how this highly anticipated sequel to the iconic Jaws series made it to the big screen. This will also be my chance to fall into the good graces of the world again. I'm tired of always leaving my home in secrecy. 

Oh Diary, there's one more thing. Bruce Wayne and I are struggling. We are both still in pain from the loss of our daughter Yvie. It's put a strain on our relationship. He keeps begging me to meet him in public for a real life date among other things cough-sexual relations-cough but I'm just not ready for (writes in a whisper) sex. Well... I guess I'm finally ready for the actual date though. It does look like I've been stringing him on a long while now. So that's it. I'm about to get ready to meet my weird boyfriend for dinner at Tres Bliss. Let the toy soap opera commence!

-Miss M




At the ultra chic and fancy French restaurant Tres Bliss...

Waiter: Pardon me Mr. Wayne, but would you like some Grey Poupon with your bread?

Bruce Wayne: No thank you.

Waiter: Very well. I do apologize for the lack of chairs at Tres Bliss. We have had a shortage. They should be sending some rather soon. Will you be dining alone as usual Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: No, not tonight. My girlfriend, er, lady friend, er, I don't know what we are, but she will be here soon.

Waiter: Wonderful sir. I'll check on the chairs and be back shortly with some bread and a drink order.

Bruce Wayne: (whispers) What kind of fancy restaurant gets a shortage on chairs? I should have gotten a McRib instead.

Bruce Wayne: Thank you.

Miss M: I'm here!

Bruce Wayne: Hey! (pauses) What's with the mask?

Miss M: It's a disguise so no one will recognize me. The world still hates me. Remember?

Bruce Wayne: You are still hung up on that?

Miss M: Yes! This is serious! I mean once the world sees me in Jaws 5 that will totally change their opinion of me but for now I have to wear a disguise.

Bruce Wayne: I want to kiss you, but you have a mustache on.

Miss M: And? At some point I'll be an old lady with one anyway so you might as well get used to it.
Bruce Wayne: Please let me see your face. This is silly. We are both crime fighters, you know nothing bad will happen to you here.

Miss M: Bruce...

Bruce Wayne: Come on. This is silly.

Miss M: Ok.

Miss M: Ta da! It's just me.

Bruce Wayne: I like just you. I can't believe we are finally having a real date. It's been awhile.

Miss M: I know. To be fair things were a bit busy. I was making my film debut.
Bruce Wayne: How has that been? I've read about the shake ups behind the scenes.

Miss M: Oh Bruce, it was a dream come true. Sort of. Working with the fake shark was a pain in the fin. There were some divas on set. I got a little lost in my co-star's eyes, but don't worry. There was no romance on set because I only have eyes for you.

Bruce Wayne: Haha. I'm glad. It's nice to know you still think about me like that.

Miss M: Of course I think about you. You're my boyfriend.

Bruce Wayne: Oh I am? I was kinda confused on what we were.

Miss M: Bruce, what are you talking about? I thought we figured this all out. We've been through a rough year. We love each other though.
Bruce Wayne: We hardly see each other.

Miss M: That's not true! We fight crime like every night.
Bruce Wayne: I'm talking about us. As a couple. We hardly see each other out of our suits. When's the last time we even tried to make love?

Miss M: You know I'm not ready for that. After everything that has happened between us, I can't be vulnerable like that with you.
Bruce Wayne: (sighs) I know. I respect that but it's not easy. I love you.

Miss M: I love you too, but I also wiped you out of the universe before the toy world ended. I wrote that. And then in the post apocalyptic world you were demented and nearly killed me! I can't sleep with you and end up having some weird Buffy/Angel situation happen.
Bruce Wayne: I don't even know what that means.

Miss M: My goodness you missed out on the golden days of the WB. Look Bruce, we are getting back on track. I'm not ready to rush anything.
Bruce Wayne: I can't wait for ever.

Miss M: You've said this before and it really upsets me. It's like that old rich emotionally shut off jerk is shining through. Where's my guy at?

Bruce Wayne: Can you blame me?

Miss M: I'm doing my best here for you! You have me out in public knowing full well I don't want to be here. I want to be in hiding where it's safe.

Bruce Wayne: Great now I'm the ass that has you in danger. After all I've done for you this is what I have to hear.

Miss M: What does that mean?

Bruce Wayne: Nothing.

Miss M: Bruce Wayne you better tell me now, what did you do for me? Are you talking about that night you saved my life on the cliff?
Bruce Wayne: No.
Miss M: What the hell?! Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: I may have paid off someone at Universal to make sure you got the lead role in Jaws 5.

Miss M: (gasps) You did what? You mean... I didn't earn that role myself?

Bruce Wayne: I wanted Jaws 5 to be your chance to reenter the toy world and have people like you again. You weren't going to accomplish that in a bit part. You needed the lead, so I made sure that happened.

Miss M: How much was I worth Bruce? Ten thousand? Twenty thousand? How much did you pay to make my dreams false?
Bruce Wayne: That's not important.

Miss M: Of course it is! I thought I got that part because of my abilities to act in a Jaws movie! A life long dream! I can't believe you'd do that.
Bruce Wayne: I did it to help you.

Miss M: I have to go.

Bruce Wayne: What? We haven't even ordered our drinks. Or gotten chairs.

Miss M: I don't care! Do you realize what you've done?! You've made me into a fool.
Bruce Wayne: No I didn't.

Miss M: Just shut up! I can't stay here. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Bruce Wane: Wait! Where are you going?

Miss M: I'm going home!

Bruce Wayne: Will you please calm down.

Miss M: No! I totally won't!

Bruce Wayne: Will you call me later on so I know you are ok?

Miss M: I'm a super hero crime fighter remember? I can take care of myself.

Miss M storms off.

Bruce Wayne: Waiter, I'll take this to the bar please.

Else where,

April: Chris Gaida! You damn fool! Look at you! Your articles covering the Heroic Hottie features have put Diary of a Dorkette back in the blue! Our advertising sales are through the roof. I've got agents calling in droves to get their clients an interview. You've saved this place.

Chris: I do what I can.

April: It's the best freakin thing to happen this year. So what's next?

Chris: I've got an interview with President Elect Count Chocula soon that should really mix things up with the Heroic Hottie feature.
April: Great, well get to work! We've got more information to put out for public consumption!

Chris Gaida: Sure thing boss.

April: Now where the hell is my desk chair? What is this mess, the great chair shortage of 2016?

Irma: April?

April: (gasps at Irma and Guy Friday) Where the hell have you two been?!
Guy Friday: We can explain!

Irma: April, we still have our jobs right?

April: You two have missed everything! The world was in post apocalyptic ruin. I had to fire Miss M because she caused the mess and Diary of a Dorkette was getting death threats. I mean what was so important that you have both been missing for a year? Were ya'll busy doing it?

Guy Friday: We were in Dimension X.

April: Dimension-why-do-I-even-care! Wait. Is that some adult toy store?

Irma: April please, we were looking for your father.

April: (looks somber) What?

Irma: There were a few reasons we were in Dimension X, but now I can't even seem to recall what they all were. Your father was one of the reasons though. We wanted to find him and bring him home to you. You've always thought he was still alive.

April: (turns away fighting back tears) Did you find anything?

Irma: No.

Guy Friday: We got a little sidetracked on our own crazy adventures.

Irma: We do believe he is still alive though.

April: Ok. I'm promoting you both.
Guy Friday: What?

April: Guy Friday, you will no longer be my Guy Friday. I will still call you that mind you, but I want Irma and you to be my lead investigative journalists. Find whatever you can about my father and his connection to Dimension X. Just find him.

Guy Friday: We will April. We totally will!

Irma: I am so glad we still have our jobs...

Inside Miss M's apartment...

Miss M: Stupid boys in their suits and crap. Why did he think he could use his money and power to make me happy? I feel like a fool now being a part of Jaws 5. No one is going to take me seriously as an actress.

Chewie: Ruff!

Miss M: Oh Chewie. My sweetness. You are probably wondering where the heck I've been. I'm sorry, I know I've neglected you. It's just my heart is sad and broken.

Chewie: Ruff?

Miss M: Yes, very rough. I know. Bruce is a good man. He hurt me though. He's embarrassed me.

Chewie: Roo coo purr.

Miss M: Why do you sound like a cat? Oh it doesn't matter. I just need to calm down. I'll go to sleep and that will help. I love him too much. I'll go to his place in the morning and we will work this all out. That's right. We can work it all out. I love him....

Back at the bar in Tres Bliss...

Bruce Wayne: Bartender, another round please.

Bartender: Sure thing Mr. Wayne.

???: Do my eyes deceive me? If it isn't Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne: Vicki Vale?!

Vicki Vale: In the flesh.

Bruce Wayne: How long has it been?

Vicki Vale: Let's see, Summer of '89?
Bruce Wayne: No way. It's been a long time. You look wonderful.
Vicki Vale: So do you.
Bruce Wayne: What are you doing here?

Vicki Vale: I came to town for an interview. The Gotham Gazzette has become a global magazine. We're flying off the shelves and our online sales have been robust. A lot has changed in Gotham. Of course Gotham misses you Bruce.
Bruce Wayne: I'm only a town over.

Vicki Vale: So funny. I'm staying at the hotel across the street and I thought I'd wander in here for a drink. Now out of no where I see you.
Bruce Wayne: We had some good times.
Vicki Vale: Yes. We did.

Bruce Wayne: I've been drinking already but care to share one with me?

Vicki Vale: Sure. I'd love to share a drink with you Bruce. Let's make a night of it.
Bruce Wayne: Well all right.

Awhile later...

Vicki Vale: (laughing from an ongoing conversation) We could have worked out but you always seemed to have your eyes on the rooftops too much.

Bruce Wayne: I seem to recall you not liking my dual life.

Vicki Vale: I was younger. I wish I had some sense back then. I would have gotten used to it.

Bruce Wayne: I know. (pauses) We're drunk.

Vicki Vale: Ha! It feels fun.
Bruce Wayne: Want me to walk you back to your hotel room?

Vicki Vale: No, it's depressing in there. I might just stay here all night.

Bruce Wayne: Nonsense. You can come home with me. Let's go get your things.
Vicki Vale: Excuse me!

Bruce Wayne: Come on, we're getting your things. You are leaving the hotel and staying with me in the Bat- well... I have some space underground. You can even see the new plot for my mansion. It was destroyed last year.
Vicki Vale: You sound like the X-Men.

Bruce Wayne: Come on already. Let's go.

Vicki Vale: Well if you insist.

They look at each other. He knows this is wrong but he doesn't care. Laughing their way out of Tres Bliss, Bruce calls for Alfred to pick them up. They soon walk out into the moon rise shining through the darkness below to wait for Alfred.

Vicki Vale: Nice night. It will be good to see Alfred.

Bruce Wayne: It's really good to see you Ms. Vale.

Vicki Vale: (moves closer) Is that so?
Bruce Wayne: (takes in her perfume) Yes.

Vicki Vale: The feeling is mutual Mr. Wayne. This is going to be a fun night. A very fun night...

Bruce Wayne: Yes. I think it will indeed.

Up next!

More chaos unfolds for your favorite toys!