Life is all about twists and turns, so click the link for a special Women of Wonder
On September 21st I learned that my family had lost my Nana (my mom's mom) and while I had a whole plan for a brand new toy interview, I felt it best to talk about Evelyn. To pay a tribute to her, because I won't get the chance to celebrate her life at her funeral service.
Which sounds cryptic. I'm well aware that in most families when there is a loss of life, everyone comes together to support each other and honor the life that is no more. And there are so many things that can certainly be said in this post, things about grief and loss. About how creating a blended family can be a beautiful thing or quite disastrous. How the bonds of family are so fragile and can be broken in ways that one would never expect. But, now is not the time for a history lesson. (Though there might be some history thrown in, this is a tribute after all.) I want to honor a woman that had a smile that was pure light and a laugh that always made me want to join in.
Evelyn was 90 years old. Born August 8th, 1934. She grew up on a farm, the oldest of three, so a lot was placed on her shoulders. Working in the fields, there was a lot of manual labor that Evelyn was responsible for. She never graduated high school. At that time, school, an education, there just was not a value placed on her to accomplish those goals. The expectation was for her to be on the farm. However, there was certainly a yearning for more. Not that there was anything wrong with her family and the life they had. She had lovely parents and two younger sisters. But she wanted more.
At the age of 18 she met my mom's dad, Marcus (Mark), and together they fell in love and ran into their future as fast as they could. A future that involved leaving the small country towns they lived in and moving to a big city. When they were dating, Mark would take Evelyn to the movies. Usually westerns. In one movie during a date night, the villain was shot and killed and it horrified Evelyn. She silently wept on the way home believing she had just seen a man killed.
The next weekend or so, Mark had taken her to another movie and as the story unfolded on screen, Evelyn saw a familiar face. Gasping aloud in horror, the man she saw "die" in the movie before was very much alive on screen. Unaware what was going on, Mark was frantic to calm Evelyn, and when she shared what she was going through, the two could only laugh as the magic of movies was explained.
I adore this story. When I would be told this story as a kid, I found myself captivated by the magic of movies and the power of art and creativity. I come from a family with generations of creativity and expression. Evelyn had a natural gift for sewing. No one taught her, she didn't hone a craft in a sewing class, she had a natural talent and skill to sew. She made clothing for my mom and aunt. Any alterations that needed to be made for her neighbors, she took care of it. She'd sew handmade Halloween costumes for me as a kid, as seen below.
Her love for fashion and clothing and how powerful one could feel in a garment, it was certainly a passion of hers. There was even a time where she was set to have her own alterations and fashion store. She certainly passed this skill to my sibling. They have the same talent and it delighted Evelyn so much.
Sadly, life proves to excel at what it does best, which is the unexpected. Mark, the love of her life, died suddenly at 50 in 1979. This was a few years before I was born. And it was a loss that created a depth of sorrow that has impacted by family ever since. That's how loss is. You can heal as much as you can, but the wounds of losing a husband, a father, especially unexpectedly, it leaves a lasting impact of grief. My mom was in her early twenties, my aunt a teen, this was a very pivotal time.
Eventually Evelyn would find a second chance at love. She met a man. I won't write his name in this post. I will be very honest, I believe that a step-parent and a blended family can be a wonderful thing. I recently got married and have two grown step-daughters, I adore them. They adore me. I've been very respectful of their lives and growing to be a part of their lives, never as an expectation that they like me. When someone brings in a new partner, and the partner wants to make orders and force their presence in the lives of potential step-children, that is usually not the best approach to make. I digress, this is not meant to be a lesson on family dynamics, but you all know what I mean. This man could have done so many different, more gentle, kinder and respectful ways to blend with my family. And he didn't.
Needless to say, Evelyn remarried and would move a decent amount away from her family. So as a child, I had a variety of experiences in terms of engagement with grandparents. My dad's parents lived a block away, so I saw them on a regular basis. My Nana and her husband, it was different. We maybe saw each other a few different times a year. However, when we did see each other, I always had the best time with her. And that's what I want to share in this post. That is the ultimate goal, for my tribute for Evelyn.
For those who know me, my memories are tied to items. Not all memories, but I can look at an old figure or a book, and instantly recall the events surrounding this item. It's one reason I love all my little plastic knick knacks.
One day Evelyn had come down to see me. I was around 4 or 5. She had not seen me in a while, and she really wanted to spend some one on one time with me. So we took a trip to the local K-Mart, and she said, "Pick out a toy, whatever you like." I naturally chose the Fright Features Janine.
There we were, in her car driving to McDonald's for a snack as I was telling her all about Janine and the Ghostbusters and the different cartoons I liked to watch. She was there for it, listening to me intently. Lord knows she probably had no care in the world about any of the cartoons, but she knew it was important to me and therefore it was important to her.
On our drive back we were sharing some fries from the Golden Arches, and we were just talking. "You know how much I love you? I know I don't get to see you as much as I'd like, but I want you to know, not a day goes by that I don't think about you and wish that I could see you more." I nodded, "I know Nana, and I love you too." I remember this conversation, I remember looking down and seeing the McDonald's fry carton between us, the yellow and white stripes on the inside with their greasy spots. And then I was back home and she was leaving. It was such a short visit, but I've held onto it so tightly.
Sometimes I'd get to stay the weekend at her house. She'd transform her living room into a big creative play place. I'd bring my toys, and she had toys of her own, beautiful Barbies, and we'd just create these magical kingdoms and towns. We were inseparable during those weekends. I was her Mini Me. She loved to garden. At this house she had a lovely backyard with lots of trees and a green house. I'd sit in the kitchen with her while she made burgers on a skillet and hand cut homemade French fries. And the best lemon iced tea. Oh my goodness her lemon iced tea was to die for. She'd tell me stories about growing up on the farm. Stories about raising my mom and aunt. Every now and then she'd talk about my Grandaddy Mark.
Soon I had my sibling joining me on these sleepovers. Though these sleepovers would not happen as much as they did when I was younger. During one weekend, we made a stop at Walmart. I wouldn't say we were spoiled, but Evelyn was always like, "Grab a toy, what looks good? You're with Nana. I want you to get what you want." I think because we didn't see her that much, she wanted to make up for it by making the most of every moment.
That's where this Ariel doll came from.
The Little Mermaid has always been my favorite story, and I loved having this doll. She wanted to know about the story, and I told her. She didn't like the original ending of The Little Mermaid, it was too sad for her, but she enjoyed me having that doll. When we would be in a store with a toy aisle, we loved looking at the dolls and all the clothes. We'd talk about all the pretty outfits and just get wrapped up in the finery. When I was a teen, I'd send some of my clothes to her to be altered to fit my "cool girl" aesthetic. I loved a flared jean, and she'd take my jeans and add colorful material making them into fabulous pairs of bell bottoms.
Oh and perfume! She loved fragrance. We'd have a ball talking about perfume and I always loved seeing all the pretty bottles she had. "Oh you smell so good!" She'd exclaim if she liked a scent someone had on.
I never felt like I had to hide who I was or what I was interested in with her. She fostered creativity in both me and my sibling. And there was always so much fun. At one point during a weekend sleepover we all decided that it just made sense to start a game of Monopoly and see how long we could play it properly. Oh my goodness, we stayed up so late playing that game and then had to pause it so we could go to sleep before resuming in the morning. I don't even know who ended up winning, I just know it was the longest Monopoly game I've ever played.
Now I'm sure you might be wondering what the heck does this textbook have to do with anything. Another sleepover weekend, I was curious about a teacher's supply store that was on the way to her house. So always ready to be curious about something with me, we went in and I was delighted because they had textbooks for sale. Like, the textbooks that I had at school. And we ended up leaving with this textbook. I was thrilled because I thought it would make me smarter. I also just really liked textbooks.
It offered an opportunity though for Evelyn to open up to me. About her own thoughts about school, the feelings she had about not finishing school and making a promise with me that I would make sure to do well in school and graduate. And go to college. She wanted that for me so much. At that time it didn't really hit me, ya know? But as I got older I understood more, and I had so much love and respect for her. She didn't have an easy life, but she made the most of every moment of it.
Time would pass, and Evelyn and her husband would end up moving even further away. On some bigger land with plans for a fabulous house and life in the country. They'd have lots of animals and a beautiful garden. In some ways things had come full circle. Seeing her became less and less. More so just around the holidays, and occasionally for birthdays or a just because. One time she drove down to take my sibling and me to the movies. We picked Can't Hardly Wait to see, and while not a grown up film, it was a teen comedy with humor and a romantic scene that I was like, "Oh no, is this going to be too much for her?" But she loved it. It could have been any movie, she just wanted to be with us.
I've been thinking about all of these stories so much lately. I miss her. We'd talk on the phone a few times a week. She'd want to know what was going on with the latest makeup trends. We'd sometimes talk about soap operas. Fashion. She'd want to know what everyone was up to. How work was. She'd tell me about her dog Sugar. How her social life was at church. I'd get to hear that laugh. It'd put such a smile on my face. I share that same laugh, as do my mom and aunt. I don't know how to describe it other than, "That crazy Czech woman laugh" or so my dad calls it.
I often wonder what life could have looked like had she not married her second husband. What it would have been like to have seen each other more. I know that sounds silly. You can't change the past. You don't get a do-over. I also know that this tribute is purely from my own perspective. Evelyn was loved by many, so this isn't meant to cover everyone, and I also know there is so much that I am leaving out. I just had to share something.
There are some people out there who would not expect Evelyn to love me like she did. I was different. I wasn't born female. I transitioned fairly young and given the perspective that her second husband had of me, I could have been easily rejected by her. But she loved me so fully. I was her granddaughter. Of that there was no doubt. She thought I was beautiful. She was proud of the life I had built for myself. And no one can take that away.
So, I might not get to say goodbye at the funeral services, but I can say goodbye to Evelyn, my Nana, here. And know how lucky I was to know her kindness, creativity, love for her family her faith, and that beautiful infectious crazy Czech woman laugh.
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