Tuesday, September 16, 2014

September 2014: Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

Well, Total Darkness is over. I thought that crap would never end. My goodness! The world seems to be going back to normal though. I'm still stuck in the body of Moth Lady, a villain from the 80's. Michelangelo is smitten with Mona Lisa and has no intention of even realizing that I am the one and only Miss M. I've been avoiding Batman, which sucks because I kinda live at his mansion. Or Bruce Wayne's mansion. Or whatever the politically correct name is. Having a secret super hero identity has got to be exhausting. I don't even know how they all do it. Like, no matter how hard I try to reveal my true self, no one cares. Yet somehow Bruce Wayne dons a dingy looking suit with a cape he washes with Woolite for dark colors, and all of a sudden he has to keep things a secret? Like, why? He doesn't even have a girlfriend who would be put in danger. Oh I digress Diary.

I'm just glad Splinter is safe and sound. He is alive, so I can't complain. And hey, I might actually have a new job! Well, it's my old job. I got a call from April O'Neil and she asked for me to stop by my former house to visit with her. She said something about needing help at the Diary of a Dorkette office. Isn't it funny how things can come full circle? I guess.

See ya!
-Miss M

April: (on speaker phone) Ok, listen, I know your station is busy after everything that has happened, but these two people have been missing... What are their names? I have already told you! My Guy Friday and Irma Langinstein. It's Lang-in-stein. No, Stein! STEIN you moron!

Chief Wiggum: (on speaker phone as well) Hey now, I can't best serve you if I can't understand these strange names you keep sayin. Who names their child Guy Friday?

April: I don't know! That's not even his real name for crying out loud.

Chief Wiggum: Oh boy. Do you know his real name, Ms. O'Neil?

April: Huh? No. No, I'm sorry. I don't know his real name. Crap, I'm a shitty boss. Look, I just need your help. They have been missing!

Chief Wiggum: (picks his nose) Hey, we'll do what we can. Say, you wouldn't happen to be the O'Neil from Channel 6 News huh? The boys at the station can't get enough of you. Maybe you could come down to the station and...

April: (hangs up) Crap where are they?!

Leonardo: You ok April?

April: I'm fine Leo. I'm just stressed. I fear that something has happened to my Guy Friday and Irma.

Leonardo: Have the police found anything?

April: No. They're so swamped with the aftermath of the past month that they can't even think straight.

Chief Wiggum: Hey boys, let's go to the movies or something.

Lou: Oh I dunno Chief, we're behind on our cases.

Chief Wiggum: Ohh come on boys. My treat. Guardians of the Galaxy. Whaddya say?

Eddie: Totally. I'm in.

Lou: Ok cool. Count me in too.

Chief Wiggum: All right. I wanna stop at the store and get a box of those yummy little candies with the fruit flavors. I love those candies.

April: So, I don't know what to do. I'm really worried though. It is not like Guy Friday and Irma to be gone like this.
Leonardo: Yeah. Is there more to the story though April? You seem really shifty, which is unlike you.

April: (panics) Ok, I may have done something really bad.
Leonardo: What did you do?
April: I may have trapped someone in a dungeon like in Silence of the Lambs.

Leonardo: What? Who did you place in a dungeon?
April: I can't tell you that. But I'm worried, because Irma and Guy Friday may have stumbled upon my... guest... and now all three are nowhere to be found.
Leonardo: April! You're one of the good guys. You are better than this.

April: I can't help it! It's all the Botox. It's seaped into my brain. I can't handle getting older, you know this!
Leonardo: April...

April: Quiet! My new potential hire is here for an interview.

Leonardo: You're thinking of hiring that Moth Lady?

April: Yes.

April: (let's Moth lady in) Hi. Thank you for meeting me here. I hope it was easy to remember.

Miss M: (sighs) Yeah, it was really easy. I've been here before. (mutters under her breath) It was my house.
April: Excuse me?
Miss M: Nothing.

Leonardo: She's been here before. She went to find a doctor for Master Splinter.

April: Yes, I've been told of your bravery. You worked with Batman to get the power running again in the city. You certainly have some experiences, which is why I called you here. I know we all gave you a hard time...

Miss M: To be fair I was running around pretending to be your dead friend.

April: True. But you also have some experience, which is what I'm looking for. I'm currently understaffed at my office. We have a great deal of interviews we need to get done and I would like to offer you a job. Would you like to write for Diary of a Dorkette?

Miss M: Oh my goodness. Of course! I don't even have to think about that one! Yes! Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I would love to have that job.

April: Great! Welcome to the gang.

Miss M: Thank you so much.


She-Ra: Order! Let's have some order in the room! The Council of Female Super Heroes is called to order! What should we place on our agenda today?

Wonder Woman: I think we should discuss the events of Total Darkness and how not a single super hero was able to fully stop the dastardly plans of Maleficent. We were in big trouble and cannot let this happen again.

She-Ra: I agree. I also want to discuss our joining forces with the Cat Ladies in solving a crime.

Black Widow: Since when did we start cavorting with them?

Wonder Woman: Since they have been solving the murder of a dear friend.

She-Ra: This is true. While a few of the Cat Ladies might be a bit... devious... not all are straddling the world of good and evil. Cheetara is a lovely woman, a true hero and a dear friend.

Emma Frost: She also hasn't been able to find solid work in years. Why are we even talking about her?

Storm: I have something to add to the agenda.

She-Ra: Ok Storm.

Storm: I would like to address ways in which we can bring more women of color into this group. I feel our numbers are already small, but I'm practically the only woman of color in this group.

Frosta: Well, what about Netossa?

Netossa: Hi.

Storm: Oh, my mistake. There are two of us. Lovely.

Emma: Oh goodness darling, aren't we all women of color?

Emma: Look at Psylocke, she is Asian but has the mind of a stuffy crisp Brit. We even have Jubilee in this little group, though I'm not sure why.

Emma: (looks to Jubilee) What exactly makes you think you can be super hero material? And please don't say it's your fashionable use of long jackets.
Jubilee: Hey!

Storm: Emma, leave Jubilee alone.

Emma: (shrugs) Either way, Jubilee merely adds to the whole Rainbow Coalition. Doesn't she?

Jubilee: Hey, I was raised in a mall in the suburbs, so I'm practically white. And I think Storm has a point. What's wrong with expanding our network of female super heroes in a more diverse way?

She-Ra: There's nothing wrong with that. Diversity is a good thing and brings forth new and different perspectives for how we live in the world. We have a great deal to discuss, and I look forward to doing just that. So, shall we begin?

Back at Miss M's home...

Leonardo: I'm going to check on Splinter.

April: That's good. I'm gonna check the news. Hey Leo, I did the right thing by hiring that poor smelly Moth Lady, right?
Leonardo: I guess.

April: I mean, she was living under a bridge on Main Street.

Leonardo: You have a heart April. For every person you drop in a dungeon, you give a job to a smelly homeless woman. I'll be back down.

April: Ok. (turns on TV) Let's see what is on the news...

Mila Rosnovsky: (on camera) Hello viewers, this is Mila Rosnovsky for Channel 6 News and we are here on Main Street as clean up crews continue working round the clock to clean up the disaster dubbed 'Total Darkness.' There has also been a growing movement of humans taking their anger to the streets at anything that looks evil. Including... robots!

April: What is happening right now? Do I have glaucoma? Why is she on my news station?

Mila: Ma'am, could you please share with us your story?

Brandine: Sure. Ah was held hostage by a talking Decepticorn.

Mila: You mean Decepticon?

Brandine: Ya, whatever. So ah was held in this prison doohicky, and ah just wanted my cigs. And my hooch. So I done banded together with other folk in the prison and we tore that Deceptocorn to pieces.

Mila: Sounds fascinating.

April: Oh hell no. (shouts) Leonardo! I'll be back!!

In other parts of town...

Miss M: Bruce. Hey.
Bruce Wayne: Where have you been? I've seen your unmade bed, so I know you have been here, but I haven't spoken to you since Total Darkness. I feel like you are avoiding me.
Miss M: I haven't been trying to do that. I've just been busy.

Bruce Wayne: Ok. Busy with what?
Miss M: I got a writing job.
Bruce Wayne: That's nice.

Miss M: I'm writing for Diary of a Dorkette again.

Bruce Wayne: You got your old job back?
Miss M: Yep. I was just as surprised as you right now.
Bruce Wayne: Nice. Well, we should celebrate. I can get us reservations for Tres Bliss tonight.
Miss M: Oh. That place is fancy. I don't know. I was actually planning on leaving.
Bruce Wayne: What do you mean?

Miss M: Bruce, you've been so kind to me. I can never thank you enough, but I can't stay here with you. I have to find my own place.
Bruce Wayne: I don't mind you staying here. I actually quite like it. This is a big house, I can handle you staying here.

Miss M: I know, but I have to get my own place. I can't just stay here in this mansion with you. It isn't right. This is your home and how awkward would it be if you brought home a lady friend and here I am classing the joint up with my crimped hair and facial tattoo?

Bruce Wayne: You aren't making any sense M. When are you going to get it? I like you just the way you are. Yeah, you're neurotic and your hair is a bit dry, but I like you. I don't want a lady friend to visit, I just want you here.

Miss M: That's the problem Bruce. There just can't be an us.
Bruce Wayne: I know. You love a talking turtle.

Miss M: Oh don't be sad Bruce. You're freakin Batman. You can get any chick you want. And that's a fact. Girls dig rich socialite dudes with a vigilante complex. The cape is just a bonus.

Bruce Wayne: You don't want me though.
Miss M: I'm not most girls.
Bruce Wayne: (sighs) I know.

Miss M: I'm gonna pack a few things and stay in a hotel or something. I just need to be on my own. I do thank you though Bruce, for everything.
Bruce Wayne: Anytime. Oh, and by the way, what happened when Maleficent took you to the After Life during Total Darkness?

Miss M: (hugs her friend tightly) That's a long story. Maybe one day you'll get to read about it. Take care Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: You too.

Down on Main Street...

Mila: For all the important news events of the day, stick to Channel 6 News! This is Mila Rosnovsky reporting, take care everyone!

April: You! Just what in the hell is this?!

Mila: Oh, hi April.

April: What happened to your annoying voice? And why are you reporting news for Channel 6?! That's my job!

Mila: It isn't anymore. It's my job actually, until we can find a suitable replacement for you. Come on April, everyone can be replaced. Even the mighty Ms. O'Neil.

April: Under what proclamation!? You don't work for Channel 6 News!
Mila: You're right. I don't work for Channel 6. I own Channel 6.
April: What?!

Mila: Careful April, that Botox is wearing off, I can see your face moving. Why don't you pick that mouth up off the ground before something dirty crawls into it?

April: This is not possible.
Mila: Oh but it is. I struck a deal to buy out the owners of Channel 6 News. And now I own you, and your little Diary too.
April: Not possible. I have the majority of shares of the Diary. I still run that sub section of Channel 6.

Mila: Tsk. Tsk. I don't think so. I recently came across some pertinent information about Diary of a Dorkette going public. There were some shares up for grabs. Naturally I decided to branch off and open up some assets. It was rather easy. I purchased the remaining shares of Diary of a Dorkette before they could get divvied up to the public. Now with my shares from Channel 6 and the shares from the would-be-sell-out to the public, my power has reached astronomical levels. You control nothing.

April: It doesn't work like that! This is like the plot to a bad soap opera! How did you even know about the Diary going public?
Mila: Come now April, you're an investigative reporter, use that brain.
April: (realizations begin to dawn on her) You stole my documents! It was you! Those were important files!

Mila: If they were so important to you, you shouldn't have left them on your desk.

April: Why would you do this? What do you care about controling Diary of a Dorkette?
Mila: There is no need for you to be concerned with my plans. Oh, and as for my annoying slang from before... all an act. Never trust a rich white blond. We'll get ya every time.
April: This is impossible!

Mila: Oh, and say hello to your permanent replacement. I believe you two have met...

April turns and screams.

Megan Fox: Hello April.

April: What are you doing here? How did you get out of the dungeon? Where is Irma and Guy Friday?

Megan Fox: I don't know what you are talking about.

April: You won't get away with this Megan Fox!

Mila: Oh, I forgot to tell you, Megan changed her professional name.

Megan Fox: That's right. When I'm on camera I use my new name: April O'Neil!

April: That's my name! You can't use my name!
Megan Fox: I just did.

Mila: Here nu-April, I pass the torch to you...

Megan Fox: Thank you.

April: (head starts spinning) I don't feel so good.

Megan Fox: Why don't you go rest? I'm about to be on the air, and you're blocking my screen time.

April: This can't be... happening... I'm feeling faint...

April passes out.

Mila: Don't worry nu-April. I'll get old-April out of here. You just do your job. Ha. Haha. Hahahahahaha!

Megan Fox: Hi, and welcome back to Channel 6 news. I'm the new and improved April O'Neil, bringing you today's leading stories.


Miss M: Well. I couldn't afford even the cheapest of hotels on Mediterranean Avenue, and that place is cheap! Guess it's back to living under the bridge for me. Crap. What am I doing? I was in a mansion. A nice big mansion with the guy who plays Batman at night. Sometimes I think I suffer from stupidity. (shakes it off) It doesn't matter. I'm doing the right thing. Nothing good could come from me living in that mansion with Bruce Wayne. He is a trademarked bachelor and I'm a forever hopeless romantic in love with a ninja turtle.

Miss M: (inside her new/old home) Living under this bridge is where I belong. I need a nap.

Miss M falls asleep on the dank cold ground and dreams of a better life...

Miss M: (in dream land) Oh goodness. I even dream in the dumps.

Pinky Pie: No, you aren't in full REM yet M. It's ok.

Miss M: What are you doing here?

Pinky Pie: I'm here to warn...
Miss M: No. Stop. I can't deal with anymore warnings. Haven't we been through enough in August? No. No more.
Pinky Pie: You need to wake up. You're in danger girl.

Miss M: Oh no. I'm staying fast asleep. I'm not waking up.

Unknown to Miss M, a couple new guests arrive...

Wild One: (kicks Miss M in the side) Moth Lady! Moth Lady! Wake up!
Miss M: Uuhhh.

Wild One: Wake up!
Miss M: What?
Wild One: Finally. We thought you were dead.

Miss M: Who are you?

Wild One: You don't recognize your friends? It has been awhile. We've been looking for you Moth Lady.

Miss M: (stands up and starts recalling Moth Lady's memories) Ohh right. My old friends.

Wild One: Yeah. Where have you been?

Miss M: I've been around. What's up with you guys? Why are you here?
Wild One: We're here because we need you. Right Dragon Lady?

Dragon Lady: Exactly. It's time you came back to the fold Moth Lady.
Miss M: Oh... well... I've kinda liked it here. Homeless. Under a bridge.

Wild One: You sound funny. What's gotten into you? We've got good news. We finally rid the world of Golden Girl. That's one less warrior woman to contend with.

Dragon Lady: The bloodshed was pure art.

Miss M: Really? That sounds great. You got rid of your enemy. So, why do you need me?

Dragon Lady: (chillingly looks at M) There's one more part we need finished in our quest... (pauses for dramatic effect) We want you to kill She-Ra...

To be continued!

September 2014: Bodacious Baddie!


  1. Yeah, that whole not going back into your body thing kind of threw me for a loop. Watching Disney movies growing up I was trained to believe that once you defeated the villain, all the bad mojo around him/her got undone too.

    I gotta tell you, after doing all these sketch events I'd gladly welcome more women and cultural characters of color. I just get so many requests for Iron Man and Captain America. While I love those characters, they're doing a number on my Caucasian tone markers, and those are expensive! I practically danced a jig when I got a request for Storm just because it was so far off the beaten path.

    I'm surprise dream Pinky didn't go the full Twin Peaks route here and start talking backwards. Just because Pinky would probably think that it'd be fun.

    Oh no! Its New 52 Harley Quinn and Heidi from the wrong side of the Alps!

    1. Yeah, I have been dragging the whole being in the wrong body thing for quite awhile. But there is a reason for that! lol However, I can assure you that toy Miss M will be looking different before the end of the year. lol

      And by the by, I could look at your sketches all day long. I think you are so talented. I would love to see you draw some pictures of Storm or other women of color. I bet you'd do an amazing job. Also, there are times where I think, "I would love to just show up to one of those sketch events and be like, draw this for me please!" I think you'd probably freak out, like, "How did you get here?!" I teleported of course! lol

      I would love to do something like that with a talking backwards thing,but I just don't have the patience to type that all out like that. lol

      And Dragon Queen and Wild One have nothing on New 52 Harley and Heidi from the Alps! lol

    2. I'm pleased to hear Classic Miss M will be back in business soon. Then again why was I worried. If reading comic books has taught me anything big changes to the status quo bounce back after about a year.

      I'm still recuperating from all the sketch events I've done this summer. Maybe I can arrange some custom cards for you and the fellows on the show later on.

  2. Miss M, I must say I LOVE your toys! I can't stop playing this game when perusing your blog: "try to find a figure in Miss M post's I already have".
    I have Dr. Blight :D :D :D

    1. Thank you! I am so happy you like to see what is all in the post. I am always having fun placing toys in these stories and pictures with the hopes that someone will be like, "Too cool!" lol I thank you for always commenting too, even if I am always behind on replying!

  3. Ack! I'm so jealous of your Emma Frost, Storm, and Jubilee.. I haven't found them yet, but I'm tryin!

    1. Don't give up! I have been lucky. I got Emma for a decent price loose on eBay during the craze of when she came out. I bought random loose pieces to put Jubilee together and I got into a slight bidding war for Storm, but it wasn't too bad. I just had to have these figures though. They are some of the best.

  4. nice even a plastic version of emma thinks jubliess is lame. and loved how toy miss m told batman it would never work for them . plus interesting twist of mila buying diary maybe april should run and try and get a new save from batman and buy it back. and was wondering if any of the other golden girl characters would show up

    1. I really wanted Emma to have that terrible attitude she is known for! lol! And I have sooo been waiting for that twist with Mila! She was far from over in this story. And as you will probably know now, there are indeed some more Golden Girl characters coming out in the stories! It's awesome! I hope you enjoy.

  5. That Black widow figure is really great! Looks just like Scarlet. Isn't it gonna be weird in Avengers 2 when there will be Scarlet Johanson playing Widow, and the actual character SCARLET Witch in the same movie! That's gotta get confusing.
    And can you please buy the Arrow action figure? I believe they have an Arrow figure and a Slade figure from the show. I'd love to see you involve Oliver Queen somehow in the story. He is way hunkier than Bruce.

    1. She does look like Scarlet! It's crazy! But I have one even weirder for you! The guy and girl that play Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2, played husband and wife in Godzilla! Can you saw eww! lol I know that isn't a really big deal because they are just actors, but what a strange coincidence.

      I would like to buy the new Arrow figure. I just have not seen the tv show figures yet. And he is way hunkier than Bruce! For sure! lol

    2. Wait the main guy from Godzilla and the Olsen sister!? I remember hearing the obscure Olsen was playing Scarlet Witch, but I didn't know the male guy lead from Godzilla was gonna be Quicksilver.
      He was such a boring character, and she wasn't that good either, in fact the Breaking Bad/ Malcolm in the middle guy who played his dad was probably the most interesting human. No, I take that back, I did like Sierazawa and the Military leader guy, but overall, the humans in GINO 2 ( Godzilla In Name Only 2) were no more interesting than the humans in the actual Godzilla movies. At least with those movies you can get a chuckle out of the badly dubbed dialog.
      Well, with Whedon at the helm, no matter how bland the actors are, Avengers 2 can't fail. Robert Downey Jr. has enough charisma to carry the movie all by himself, but the rest of the ensemble was great last time too! I just hope this time Jeremy Renner gets, like, a line or two!! Cuz I thought his Hawkeye was bad ass.

    3. Also, I totally forget if I already asked you if you liked the new Godzilla or not in a previous post. I am guessing you did because of that one comment you made about how Godzilla is a potential new boyfriend for you, but let me give you my take:
      I am a huge Godzilla fan. HUGE. I mean, the way you are with She-Ra. Two of the very few things I remember about my father before he died in 1989 are the times we watched Godzilla and Gamera movies on TV Saturday afternoons, and the day he brought me home a Godzilla toy (that I now have in my apartment) -(BTW, I also remember the Easter that he hid MOTU figures around the house as Easter presents for me when my mom and I were at church Easter morning, but that is a story for another day!)
      So, I fucking love the Japanese Godzilla. And I fully support the concept of Godzilla eventually turning into a hero, like he did in the Showa series, but the way they did it in this movie was just poor storytelling.
      Don't get me wrong, I had a tear in my eye at the end of the movie when the paper said "Hero Monster" -as he swam away. He IS one of my heroes! But he should be a tainted hero!! An anti-hero! Like in the Japanese films, he should start out as a bad guy, begrudgingly decide to fight for earth, because it is his turf (or because Mothra HUMILAITES him into it! Like in the original Ghidorah, the Three Headed Monster, when she goes to fight Ghidorah, gets her ass kicked, and him and Rodan decide to go fight too even though they hate humans and each other)That stuff is fun! It's like when Skeletor reluctantly teamed up with He-Man to take down Evil Seed! But Godzilla should not START OUT as a good guy, out the gate. That cheapens it. The last Japanese Godzilla film Godzilla Final Wars, did a much better job of showing him starting out as an anti-hero and him having to help the human race because they had to free him to fight all the other monsters. At best, there should be a begrudging alliance between humans and Godzilla. He is the ultimate chaotic neutral character. He protects the earth because it is in his best interest to do so. Gamera is the one who gives a shit about humans. And like, in the original Showa (all the films up until 85) series, Godzilla might eventually care too, but it should take him a WHILE! Not, "oh here's Godzilla! He will just automatically save us!!"
      Plus the human story in the new American version was boring and why the fuck did they use those random enemies instead of including some classic Godzilla enemy monsters for the real fans!? Hopefully they will appear in the sequel because the director said he wanted to include Monster Island. Anyway, in my opinion, it was better than the Mathew Broderick Godzilla, but NOT BETTER ENOUGH!! And I WANTED to like it!!! Anyway, what was your take? (sorry for all the ranting! Like I said, it's a subject close to my heart!)