Thursday, April 28, 2016

All My Toys: That's A Turbocone 5000!

Dear Diary,

Far away from the real world, I'm finally back to my old world. A world full of toys and fun! Except nothing is fun anymore. In my absence, Cobra somehow took control and everything turned into a post apocalyptic toy world. I can't keep stressing the whole post apocalyptic world thing. If there's one thing I love it's a lot of cars speeding around in a wasteland. I blame Tina Turner. Either way, keep following the story. I'm in disguise under my super hero alias WoW since the world hates Miss M. I'm also en-route with my ex-boyfriend Michelangelo to meet some guy named Brian Farrell who apparently has information on my friend April O'Neil. This should be interesting. What could be so special about this guy?

Hopefully I'll Survive,
Miss M

Somewhere in the Pink Sea,

Oola: Oh Wicket, it's another glorious day isn't it? I do wish you knew how to talk. This does beat being dead though.

Wicket: ???

Oola: Ya know, I can't help but feel I have left one prison for another. True this beats being chained to Jabba in the After Life, but when will I get my own adventure? My own chance to shine? Or at least a new outfit!

Wicket: (points to the water)

Oola: Oh dear. Visitors.

Oola: Oh dear, it's Cobra Commander.

The window panel slides open as Cobra Commander steps out.

Cobra Commander: My dear Oola. How long has it been?
Oola: You won't allow a calendar on the island so I have no idea.

Cobra Commander: I do love our zings. Tell me, anything new? Any visitors?

Oola: Why would anyone come here? Braving the Pink Sea is your job. No one else has stepped foot on this island.
Cobra Commander: Very good. It is very important that you let me know if anyone arrives here. There's something special about this island, I can't quite figure it out. Do you know?

Oola: I'm just a stupid dancer, what could I possibly know?

Wicket: ???

Cobra Commander: We really need to get that Care Bear Cousin to speak. He might know something.

Oola: Good luck. There's a better chance of someone else arriving on the island before Wicket ever says a word.

Cobra Commander: Very well. Try and find out what's so special about this dump, will you? (a message bleeps onto the Commander's high tech watch about Miss M)
Oola: Yes. Of course.

Cobra Commander: I might actually have an important lead on Miss M. Just remember Oola, I'd hate to end up hurting that pretty face if you kept anything from me. Your chains are never far my dear.

Oola: How could I forget?

She watches him pile into his boat and speed away, her heart beating incredibly fast to match the crashing waves as Cobra Commander speeds off.

Oola: I can't take this much longer. It's only a matter of time before he finds out what's hidden on this island.

Oola: Oh Maleficent, when is this Miss M lady going to arrive? I don't think I have much longer.

On the road again,

Michelangelo: (snaps off radio) So that's the tubular Lockhart podcast. Pretty cool huh?
Miss M: Yeah. I like that he keeps everyone in the know as well as providing secret plans for those who oppose Cobra.

Michelangelo: It's how we all communicate and know where to be next.
Miss M: I just hope Cobra never catches on.

Michelangelo: Nah. Come on babe, those snake dudes are too worried about finding you.
Miss M: Thanks for that reminder. It really sucks that everyone hates me.
Michelangelo: Not everyone dudette, just mostly everyone.
Miss M: Well that makes me feel better.

Michelangelo: So umm, ahh, is it true what they say about you?
Miss M: I feel like they've said a lot of things, anything pressing?

Michelangelo: So the bodacious rumor is that you created this whole world and that it's not even real. Like, me, the party turtle, I'm not real. I'm just made up in your head. None of this is really happening and that when you are gone you are in some other world. Like a total bitchin real world.
Miss M: There is some truth to that.

Michelangelo: So like the other world you live in, I don't exist there huh? There's no other version of Mikey?
Miss M: Oh no, you totally exist in the world I'm originally from.

Michelangelo: Cowabunga dudette! Whew! I didn't like being made up. So not cool. Do we actually get to be happy in love in this other world?

Miss M: No. You don't even know I exist in the real world. You're just this huge popular party turtle that everyone loves. (sighs) I guess that's why I wanted you to love me in this world. There was never a chance for us in the real world. Or really this world too now that I think of it.

Michelangelo: Why not? That's total bell pepper logic and I hate bell peppers. If this is your world, why didn't we stay together? Why did we have to fall apart?

Miss M: I don't know. I guess when I interrupted your wedding to Mona Lisa I could have had you pick me. But that would have been too perfect. Men don't pick me. Not even turtle dudes.

Michelangelo: Totally wrong M. Not cool.

Miss M: Whatever happened to Mona Lisa anyway?

Michelangelo: Well after you left and the world crashed and burned like Raph at a Chuck E. Cheese, we all just got scattered. We were slicin and dicin our way to safety and last I saw Mona Lisa ran off with my brothers to find Splinter. I stayed behind to find you.

Miss M: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. You must miss them all. I hate you stayed behind to wait for me.
Michelangelo: Yeah. I do miss them. Not gonna lie though, it's pretty gnarly to be sitting next to you. Even though you straight up murdered the future. It's all cool though babe, I had to wait for you.

Miss M: Guess I'm with some epic company!

Michelangelo: Ok we're approaching Brian's place.

Miss M: His place is nice. Hidden. I like it.

Brian: Hey Mikey!

Michelangelo: Brian dude! This bodacious babe is Miss M, but she's in an ass kickin hero disguise WoW.

Miss M: Hi.

Brian: I'm Brian Farrell.

Miss M: Farrell? As in feral like Wolverine?

Brian: Or a Gremlin.

Miss M: I feel like I've met you before. Or something.

Brian: Eh. I don't know. Maybe. I'd probably have to see your real face. Wanna hurry up inside before someone spots us?

Miss M: Sure.

Brian: Fine. Come on in. Oh, and I've got a place where you can hide your car Mikey.
Michelangelo: Thanks dude!

Miss M: He seems really nice. I hope he can help us with April.
Michelangelo: Totally. That gutsy gal about town could be in serious trouble and Brian has the information to lead us to her.

Meanwhile down the Edge of Nothing,

April: For the record, this was not domestic violence. I had to hit him over the head because he was going to kill us.
Megan Fox: Right.

April: Please. I could have let him kill you. We'd all be better off.
Megan Fox: Ok, that actually stung.
April: Oh really? I might have taken that too far.

Megan Fox: Not really. I was just being a bitch.

April: Don't talk to me! Seriously. What are we going to do? He hasn't woken up yet.

Megan Fox: Well you did hit him hard.
April: I told you, we aren't speaking to each other!

Megan Fox: Really April? We're still doing this? Acting like dweebs?

April: You stole my life!

Megan Fox: Whatever! You tossed me down a well Buffalo Bill style!
April: Please. It was more Janet from another planet. Get it right.

Megan Fox: Look, I'm not trying to fight with you. I actually look up to you. I wanted to do your life justice on the big screen when I was cast for the Ninja Turtle docu-drama! And all you've ever been to me was cruel.

April: Seriously!? I'm still alive! I should have played myself! Why can't you understand that?

Megan Fox: Because that's not how it works!

Casey Jones begins to wake up.

April: Oh shut up Megan! Why don't you go lean over something and act. My husband just woke up! Oh Casey!

Casey Jones: April? Wow. My head is killing me.
April: Well, I'm sorry babe. I kinda hit you hard. You lost some blood. But Fancy over there was able to stitch you up.

Fancy: My snail trail can patch anything up.

Megan Fox: What happened to you Casey?

Casey Jones: I was charmed by Cobra into doing their bidding. They wanted to control my mind to see if I could lead them to Miss M. Since I make it a point never to get into your lady business, they decided to send me on a mission to kill you instead.

April: Those rat eating bastards. I'm freakin April O'Neil!

Casey Jones: I'm so sorry babe.

April: It's ok. We now have more to discuss in therapy.

Casey Jones: I think our therapist didn't make it in this new world.
April: Damn it.

Megan Fox: Wait. If you were able to get down here, than you must know a way to get back up, right?

April: Hey! Can it broad! I'm the real investigative reporter here, I ask the hard hitting questions! Now Casey, do you know how to get us out of here?

Casey Jones: Yes. I do.

April: Great. Let's get going!
Casey Jones: I'm still a bit woozy.

Megan Fox: I'm coming with you.

April: Oh no you are not!

Megan Fox: Look, let's put our crap behind us. I'm woman enough, are you?

Casey Jones: April, don't be so hard on Megan Fox.

April: Ugh. All right! Stick around, but don't dare annoy me or try to steal my look. I'll cut you.

Megan Fox: Whatever, let's get out of here.

Back at the Trash Man compound.

Miss M: No way, you have like an impressive VHS collection. Never would have thought all this was in here from being outside.
Brian: Yep. It's all mine. Aside from movies, I've also managed to capture events going on in the new world.

Miss M: And who is this? My goodness, that's a Turbocone 5000! I haven't seen one of these in ages!

Brian: Hey, careful. Her name is Glitter and she is my girlfriend.

Miss M: Oh. My. Goodness. I am already in love with this love story.

Glitter: Hello Miss M. According to my data, you have murdered the future.
Miss M: Maybe so, but I didn't mean to.

Glitter: Of course not. My data also suggests that you had a mental breakdown in the real world...
Miss M: Ok that's good. Thanks. I'm not crazy. Just quirky. Anyways, Michelangelo and I are here for your expertise Brian.
Brian: Expertise? I can't help you locate Grumpy Cat. I'm sorry. I just can't. Not after what happened...

Michelangelo: No dude, we were wanting to see if you knew anything about April O'Neil.

Brian: Oh yeah. She was thrown off the Edge of Glory. Or Edge of Nada. I can't remember the name, but it's the staircase. She was thrown off the staircase.

Miss M: That doesn't sound good.

Brian: It's not. I've got the video if you are interested.

Glitter: Brian, hold off on video time. We have a visitor.

Brian: I wasn't expecting anyone.

Miss M: Who could it be?

Michelangelo: This is totally not tubular.


Cobra Commander: I could say this numerous times, but let's hope it only needs to be said once: Supporters of Miss M, come out calmly. As for you Miss M, we know you're in there!

Miss M: Gulp.

Michelangelo: Dude, dudette, and robo-ette, are we gonna be biting the dust?
Miss M: We can fight our way out of this.
Brian: Hey, I'm a lover not a fighter. With that said, I could fight Cobra.

Miss M: You're certainly tall enough.

Glitter: There will be no need to fight. I will take care of this.

Michelangelo: Gnarly. I knew that robo-ette could kick some snake skin.

Glitter: I have a built in detonator. Brian, you would just need to remove my CPU and activate the destruction sequence.

Brian: No way. Not cool. I just found a new shell for you.

Glitter: There will be other shells. Take what you can from the VHS Data Machine and escape. You know you are more a lover than a fighter.

Brian: No. I just got you back. Who knows how long it will take until I find another suitable body for your CPU!

Glitter: We live in a wasteland Brian. You will find the perfect piece of trash to house my stimulating CPU in.

Brian: You have the most stimulating CPU of any being, sentient or otherwise, that I've ever known.
Glitter: (lights up with an electronic giggle) Oh Brian, my circuit board!
Brian: Please don't do this.

Glitter: I have to. You all need to get out before Cobra gets to her. That Miss M, she is our ticket to saving this place. Now get this destruction sequence activated!

Brian: I love you.

Glitter: I love you too Brian.

Miss M: I think I'm going to cry.

Brian: Don't cry! This sappy shit will not get to me!

Michelangelo: Come on dudette, we need to get outta here.

Brian: Yeah, you two go, I'll catch up.
Miss M: Are you sure?

Brian: Yep.

Miss M and Michelangelo leave.

Cobra Commander: What is taking them so long?

Cobra Commander: Prepare to bust in. I don't have all day!

Brian: Ok, you are going to shut down now and the countdown will begin.

Glitter: It will be like a long nap.

Brian: Yes, it will. I promise to find a new shell. It won't be long.

Glitter: I understand. Hurry!

Glitter: Good bye Brian!

Brian removes the CPU from the Turbocone shell.

He quickly gathers as much data he can from the VHS tapes.

Time is ticking as he prepares to leave his home and the shell of his lady robot love.

He turns for one last look. It could be days and it could be years before he finds another shell for Glitter's CPU. Doing his best to let those thoughts slide, Brian finally leaves her behind.

Soon the countdown beings.

Cobra Commander: Enough! Hurry inside! Now!

Brian: Damn Cobra scum.

Miss M: Are you ok?

Brian: I will be.

Michelangelo: Come on, I know a shortcut to the hideout. There's some people you need to meet M. Some old friends.

Miss M: Old friends?

As the trio walk off, M can't help but wonder who she'll meet next.

To be continued!

Miss M meets a band of rebels!
Cobra begins their next evil plot!
April O'Neil and Megan Fox bond!


  1. Oh sure you can Tina Turner for speeding cars in a wasteland now but if things keep up we can all blame Donald Trump so enough.

    If Oola thinks working for a demeaning slob of a boss is prison, clearly she's never had to work off student loans.

    I have wondered if Brian gets asks about "Feral" that often.

    Looks like we got some Michael Bay style 'splosions! This time around. Fitting as Brian has seen all the Transformers movies

    1. Oh I am going to believe that Donald Trump does not exist in this toy world at all. lol Oola dealing with student loans would make for an excellent spin off. lol

      I don't know if Brian gets asked that much. I know he and I talked about it once because I was saying it wrong and we just laughed about it. So I thought it would be fun to include that.

      I went all out and spared no expense with the explosions. Michael Bay would be completely proud. lol

  2. figured cobra commander would manage to slither away from being blown to bits plus love the bit about calling wicket a care bear . and oola one would think she learned from being with jabba never hook up with evil slobs of bosses again.

    1. Oh I have some major fun plans for Cobra Commander. After getting caught in that explosion he is going to be pissed. In my mind Ewoks are somehow related to Care Bears. I think it would be so much fun. As for Oola, she isn't exactly working for Cobra Commander but she is sort of stuck having to play along with the rules of the new world. She is sitting on a very big secret though. Hope you have been doing well!

  3. So when you and I start becoming boyfriend and girlfriend (I'm not saying "IF" I'm saying a confident sounding "WHEN" -even though it will never really happen-but..OK..IF..) I will never ask you to do Slave Leia/Ooola cosplay! But I WILL ask you to do Hordak/Catra cosplay! Is that cool? I could trapdoor you, you could take over the Horde and trapdoor me! Either way, I love the Catra fantasy more than the Oola one! I'd love to play Filmation Hordak! And get Catra "wet" haha! Who WOULDN'T want that!?
    I totally had those Mcdonalds transformers too!! The year my dad died, so it is kind of a sad memory , but I remember getting those in that year. 89 right? If we didn't get them that year, I DO remember playing with them, with my cousin,around when that happened! You will have to tell me the year that the food transformers came out!
    Anyway, LOVE all this! Even in your new more bad ass form, you still "gulped"!! Haha! You are always the cutest!!