Monday, January 22, 2018

All My Toys: Danger in Space!

Previously on All My Toys,

With the arrival of the mystery Burnheart from outer space, Miss M was quickly swept away by his declarations of love and the bonding of their star essence. Together their newfound love grew quickly and developed into an engagement with plans of a wedding. In other parts of the world Bruce Wayne came across Moth Lady and a little girl that looked suspiciously like Bruce and Miss M's deceased daughter Yvie. Unknown to Bruce the little girl is indeed Yvie.

Rushing back to town, Bruce and a few other of Miss M's former lovers tried to stop the wedding. With so many men professing their love there was only one thing left to happen. Burnheart quickly shut the power down and whisked Miss M away onto his spaceship to marry her privately in his space kingdom.

Of course that has never been Burnheart's true goal. His true intentions were soon revealed, he is planning on killing Miss M. Miss M has no idea. Luckily her dear friend Ed (she met him in the After Life when they were both once dead) is a stowaway on the ship. This can't end well.

Flashback to 2008...

Ed: I need some pizza. I need some pizza.

Ed: Almost there. I can smell it now!

Moments later...

Steve: Everything look good Ed?
Ed: I knew there was a reason we were meant to be childhood friends. You would grow up to make the best pizza in town and feed my lazy ass.
Steve: I do what I can.

Ed: Yeah. It looks good. Thanks. So uh, is Vanessa here?

Steve: No. Vanessa is not here. You gotta stop crushing on her dude. She's a lesbian and she owns this place. You should be thankful you are still allowed in here.

Ed: She let's me in because she finds me pathetic huh?
Steve: (sits down) Probably. You also always pay your bill and tip well too. Plus we all grew up together.
Ed: Yeah. In my defense I did not know she was a lesbian when I asked her out for coffee. Or when I broke into that song and dance. 

Steve: You are a mess. So how was work today? Pass out enough samples at Panda Chow?
Ed: Oh yeah. I went through seven trays of crispy chicken bites. The mall food court was intense today.
Steve: I can tell. Why are you still wearing your panda head?
Ed: Don't ask. I can find a way to still eat the pizza, I can assure you.

Steve: Ed, there is no mouth hole. You can take it off, your face won't scare the customers away.
Ed: Ha. You are funny. It's not that. I can't take it off. Some snot faced teens were skating around the food court and I was too slow to move out of the way. They nailed me in the stomach and I threw up a little. Ok. A lot. I had maybe eaten one too many of the crispy chicken bites and my stomach was super full. I can't take this head off. Dried vomit everywhere.
Steve: That is pretty disgusting. You still need to eat. Take it off.

Ed: (pops panda head off) Oh I can breathe.
Steve: You kinda reek.
Ed: I need to find a better job. Think Vanessa would hire me here?

Steve: Ed, don't push it. I do agree though, you need to find another job. You should go back to school.

Ed: Mmm. Pizza.
Steve: Ed, focus.
Ed: I suppose I could go back to school. I just do not know what I want to do ya know? I feel like I have lost purpose in my life.
Steve: True. You have. You are closer and closer to thirty though and I know this is not where you want to be in your life. Come on dude, you got a beat down by some teens in a food court.
Ed: Those little shits packed a punch.

Steve: Ya know, one day I might actually own this place. You could be making your dreams come true too.

Ed: Ya think so?
Steve: Ed, we have known each other since we were kids. You are smart when you need to be. You just need to get back out there.
Ed: I want a lot of things. I do want out of the mall food court. I also want a girl friend. I really want to matter to someone. My brother Ned has like the perfect life. I want to have a nice life too.
Steve: I totally believe you can. Speaking of girls, you wanna go to the comic con next week? Tickets are still on sale. It'd be the perfect place to find a potential lady friend that would respect your love for comics.
Ed: Sure! That sounds awesome. Though highly unlikely that I will meet anyone. Which is cool. I would still enjoy walking around.

Ed: Yargh!! I totally forgot.
Steve: Forgot what?
Ed: I have to be at Panda Chow. The mall is going to be on high alert that weekend. The cast from Twilight will be there for some signing at Cold Subject. The manager wants us all there because he is expecting a horde of ravenous tweens to be storming the food court. This could be big business for us. I could actually get killed, it is expected to be that crazy. (Editor's note, this is indeed how poor Ed ended up dead)

Steve: Well that is ok. There will always be another con. I have to get back to work though.

Ed: Yeah. Thanks for makin the pizza the way I like it. You are a good friend.
Steve: No problem Ed. It's gonna get better for you.

Ed: Yeah. It is gonna get better. I am gonna meet the nerdy girl of my dreams. I'm gonna stop working at the food court. I'm gonna stop thinking I have to be a bad-ass like my brother Ned. I am gonna be my own man!

Ed: Crap. How am I gonna do that? I can't keep smelling like Panda Chow fried food. That job is gonna be the death of me.

Back to the present...
Ed: Shit. That job was the death of me. I am a fuckin loser.

Ed: No. Wait a minute. I am not a loser. I was mob rushed by a group of rabid tween Twilight girls and I freakin died. But had that not happened I never would have gone to the After Life where I would eventually meet Miss M. The coolest dorky chick I could ever hope to meet.

Ed: So I am gonna get up and freakin look for her in this weird ass space ship.

Elsewhere on the weird ass space ship...

Miss M quietly naps in her small quarters.

She is suddenly woken by a strange noise.

Miss M: Umm. What is this?
Eagle Eye: You are near Saturn. Floating around. Trying to figure out the mysteries of your life.
Miss M: Who are you?

Eagle Eye: I am the Super Natural Eagle Eye. My true form is far more vast as I am the essence of Earth.

Miss M: Do you want some popcorn? I am not sure why I am holding it, but here it is. Real buttery too. I can't believe that the essence of Earth is talking to me right now. Hey, you also don't have a face. Just like Burnheart. The love of my life.

Eagle Eye: Is he the love of your life? What do you know of this man?

Miss M: I know our star essences are destined to be together.
Eagle Eye: But how do you know?
Miss M: He showed me from the holographic flames on his chest. It's like we're twin flames.
Eagle Eye: That is now how you know if one is meant to be your destiny? You know this to be true and yet you play like a lonely lost strumpet.

Miss M: Did you just call me a strumpet? Wait. Why are you telling me this? Why am I talking to the Earth essence?

Eagle Eye: I am not sure. None of this is really real. You are dreaming right now and I am an old toy you once had as a child. Actually much of this story unfolding around you came to you from your memories of Tonka and the Super Naturals toy line.

Miss M: This is the weirdest dream ever.
Eagle Eye: It can always get weirder.
Miss M: How so?
Eagle Eye: Should I spell it out for you? You are in danger. The man you think you love is not a good man. You know this Miss M.

Miss M: Oh my goodness. You are right. Something about this whole situation is just icky. Why would a man with no face travel across the universe to be with me? That is not real life! That is like the plot to a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Eagle Eye: You should probably get up and try to fight for your life now.
Miss M: You think so?
Eagle Eye: (sighs) Yes. I really think so. Wake up M. Wake up.

Miss M: AHH! What kind of weird dream... Oh my goodness I brought the popcorn with me from the dream! I need to get out of here!

A quick wardrobe change later...

Miss M: This is total bullshit! Where the hell am I even going?

Miss M: I am lost in space.

Ed: Hey! Fancy meeting you here!

Miss M: Ed!! What in the world?!

Miss M: Ed! What are you doing here?
Ed: I'm a stowaway. Once your groom with no face flipped the lights off I figured he would be whisking you away to the big space ship outside the wedding venue.

Miss M: But Ed! You somehow left the After Life and you are alive again! You should not be on this space ship! You should be living your life! Not everyone gets a second chance!
Ed: But you are on this ship. I told you a long time ago that I would follow you anywhere.

Miss M: Ed...
Ed: Seriously. My life was pretty crappy before I died. I had a crush on a lesbian because she had a copy of Mortal Kombat 4. I was worse than Ducky. However I've never quite met someone like you before and if finally making a difference in my life means jumping onto a space ship to make sure you don't marry the dude with no face, than I guess that is what I am going to do.

Miss M: Oh Ed. He does not have a face. Why would I ever want to marry a man with a hologram for a face? And I love holograms! I mean Jem! She is truly outrageous. It's just so weird. It is like there has been a fog over my brain, like I was not in control of my own decisions. I mean Burnheart does not even really know me! He has no idea I like soggy fries. Or that I once believed that rabbits laid eggs.

Ed: You believed that rabbits laid eggs?

Miss M: Yes. It was because of the Cadbury bunny.
Ed: You are so cute.
Miss M: Ed. Come on. Let's get out of here. I have a plan.
Ed: Thankfully you do. My plan was just to find you.

Moments later...
Burnheart: Skulls, has she woken?
Skull 1: No Master Burnheart. Not yet.

Miss M: (bursts into the room surprising everyone) Darling! I feel so refreshed from my nap!
Skull 1: Umm.
Burnheart: (sighs) My Skull bodyguards are fools. They had one thing to do.

Miss M: My dear soon to be husband, have we found our way out of hyperspace yet? Are we almost to your home world? I eagerly await our magnificent wedding!

Burnheart: You sound different my beloved. Your excitement seems sweetly saccharine.

Ed: (sighs) Oh M, what are you going to do? Burnheart better not hurt you.

Miss M: Oh my darling, I do not know what you are talking about. I am just thrilled to start my new life with you. However, I am slightly confused. Why did you just take me away from Earth? I did not even get a chance to say good bye to my loved ones. Or even my little dog Chewie.

Burnheart: You are so worried about that. I have told you before, you just need to look into my flames and all will be revealed.

Miss M: Cut the crap Burnheart. If that is even your real name! I am not looking into your phony flames! Something is not right here! You are up to no good!

Burnheart: I knew my spells would not last long.
Miss M: (gasps) Spells?!
Burnheart: Yes. The truth must be told. Our star essences are not meant to be together. I have been plotting this moment for many moons and now you will know your fate for your crime.

Burnheart: You killed my true beloved.

Miss M: What?! What kind of poppycock is this? I have not killed anyone!

Burnheart: How soon you forget. Her name was Lady Kale.
Miss M: Lady Kale?! That old loon? Are you serious? That mad woman spoke people out of existence! She killed my daughter! As far as I am concerned she had it coming.
Burnheart: And now you will too. I am going to destroy you.
Miss M: Whatever. Go on. Get it over with. You are not the first person to want me dead. Go on and do it! Kill me you bastard!

Burnheart: Oh my poor pitiful dear. You misunderstand what I mean by destroying you. I am not going to kill you. As we speak this space ship is hovering close to Earth. We never went into hyperspace. I have the capabilities to destroy Earth, which I am going to do with you watching. You will see your planet destroyed, with everyone you have ever loved on it. That will only be the first part.

Miss M: What's the second part? You take me to dinner?

Burnheart: (looms over Miss M) That is very easy. In your madness at losing everyone, you will beg me to kill you. But I won't. I will keep you alive to relive the horror of Earth's destruction every moment of your life. I will then force you to be my betrothed. I will use you in any way I desire. You will be a shadow of your former self. I will break you down until you are nothing. It is making me hard just thinking about it.
Miss M: Gulp. I am in big trouble.
Burnheart: Yes you are. Now, Skulls, hold her down so she can witness the destruction of Earth...

To be continued!

Up Next!

Will Miss M escape Burn Heart's clutches?
Will Earth be ok?
It all reaches an explosive ending!


    I see shades of Star Wars: A New Hope
    If Bruce Wayne shows up and she tells him he's a little short to be a storm trooper, well won't that beat all.

    1. Ha! It does have a bit of Star Wars feels to it, however next chapter is going to really feel like something out of a space story from the X-Men comics. I think. At least that is the inspiration for the next one.

  2. I'm torn on this one. Ed's backstory has many frightening similarities to were I am in life right now, but at the same time I'm amused to see his face change in each photo, to the point were he inexplicably has an eyepatch and stubble in one frame!

    1. I feel like Ed has a lot of similarities to many of us. I loved fleshing out his backstory. I had it fleshed out when he was introduced years ago but I had fun telling this little flashback of him. I like that character a great deal. He just could not stay dead. I also had so much fun using the other Lego faces to describe his expressions. It was meant to be very Lego Movie like.

  3. explosive ending as in maybe some baddy aka burnheart instead of earth goes boom . and some how toy miss m will survive this latest adventure like maybe her and end go jumping out of the ship .

    1. You certainly pay attention to things. I am excited to know what you think of the ending of the next chapter. I am super excited about it.

  4. OK-still catching up. I thought the Cadbury Bunny laid eggs too! (And , I mean, really? Who didn't?)
    I think , if I cannot be your man , ED should be your man! He has always been the hero of this story!
    BTW-if this is ever turned into a radio drama, I think I could do the voices of Ed and Burnheart (We might have to do some echo sound FX for Burnheart, to make him sound more evil though! Cuz, in real life, I am at least 25% less evil than Burnheart!)