A Most Pleasant Gift
Inside the offices of Diary of a Dorkette...
April: Ugh I am sick of looking at the news. There's always something messy going on.
Irma: April, you have someone here to see you. And no it was not scheduled, but you will want to see this person.
April: Send them in. What in the hell could this be about?
April: Well I'll be damned.
Lois Lane: Hello April. What's it been? A few years at least?
April: Yes. I believe the last time we were together we were covering the fallout from the DeSoto case. Those poor Charlie's Angels. So why are you here to see me?
Lois Lane: Forgive me for skipping over any pleasantries. I am here for a most important matter. I take it you have seen the news lately?
April: Well I am not sure. With each day that passes the news just becomes more and more insane.
Lois Lane: I am referring to the order President Chocula executed a few days ago, where all the prisons in the country would be setting their inmates free.
April: Some would say that many of the people in prison are either falsely accused or serving sentences far too long for the crimes they committed. There will be a lot of people free to finally build their lives.
Lois Lane: Of course. However you and I both know there will also be a slew of truly horrible people loose ready to go right back to terrorizing innocent people. Just think of the villains that have been locked up for so many years.
April: I have. Which is why we have super heroes. They will all fix this mess. Aren't you in a relationship with Superman? Get him to do something.
Lois Lane: You know that most super heroes have been busy making movies documenting their lives.
April: Oh that's right. Superman is trying to save a failing franchise.
Lois Lane: It's not failing.
Lois Lane: Look April, I did not come here for this. There are major things happening in this country right now and no one wants to talk about it. All anyone cares about is trash news.
April: This is true. Most people are wanting to know about the latest planet the Cardassians have visited. Or if they are putting out a new line of body suits.
Lois Lane: The media is public enemy number one right now thanks to this administration. Unless you are willing to talk about fluff no one is willing to listen to the truth.
April: The truth? No one can keep up to know what the truth is. For every fact that is checked there are ten other articles and stories explaining a new version of the truth and how the facts are wrong. Believe me, there are reasons to share stories made of fluff.
Lois Lane: Oh we know some things are true. We know that right now every prison in this country is rolling out a plan to release every inmate throughout the next three months. Which means there will be lots of empty buildings. Companies that profit off of these prisons are going to effectively lose revenue.
April: Unless there is something bigger planned for those buildings.
Lois Lane: There's the journalist I went to school with. April, it is wildly believed that Cobra rigged the election. Which means they have somehow found a way to have President Chocula as their puppet. Ignoring the real threat of villainous people being set free on the streets, the real question is what will become of all these empty buildings? I doubt they are going to be torn down to pave way for the next strip center.
April: I doubt that as well. However what could it all possibly mean? This all seems like a very huge what-if scenario. They could very well plan on tearing the prisons down and building malls.
Lois Lane: You know darn well they are not going to build any malls. Just look at the past year and a half. We are living in strange times and this is coming from a world that survived a post apocalyptic mess a few years ago.
April: So what are we going to do?
Lois Lane: I am glad you asked that. There are a few people in the media that the public still trusts. You and I are two of them. There is also Jessica Wray. And Megan Fox.
April: Do not mention that tarp's name. Megan Fox wishes she could be a respected journalist. Just because she played me in a movie about my life does not make her a true journalist!
Lois Lane: First off the movie was not about you and she was so method that after playing you she did indeed get work as a journalist and the public loves her. They eat her up with a spoon. Even the Chocoholics, the most fiercest of the president's supporters. I believe though that we could all come together and find a way to ask the important questions about what this administration is up to and actually get the facts. I fear what will happen if we do not.
April: Ya know what you are asking could jeopardize everything we have worked towards and built. Diary of a Dorkette is finally at a place to make real change in this world. Long gone are the days when we were only reporting on bodacious monthly beefcake. I could lose everything.
Lois Lane: I know. Of course you could end up losing everything regardless. I fear for what President Chocula is going to announce next. Because something is going to happen to those empty prisons. Either groups of people will be placed in them or even worse. I just know we have to do our part. We took an oath damn it!
April: Fine! I get it. Let's shed some light on what the hell is really going on. I'm in.
Meanwhile across the universe at a stellar bar in Dimension X...
Samus: The ship is finally ready to go. I am just going to find Miss M and then we will be on our way.
Deanna Troi: Wonderful. I sense a great deal of strange energy in this place now that more ships have begun to arrive. I feel we are leaving at a very good time.
Samus: As do I. I have been wondering if Maleficent is trying to find a way to get us to stay longer though.
Deanna Troi: I sense ulterior motives with that woman, but I do not quite understand what she would have planned. I am glad we are leaving though.
Samus: Yes. So stay here, I will return shortly.
Deanna Troi: Very well.
Deanna Troi: I might order some chocolate ice cream at the bar.
Deanna Troi: (looks around) I am not even sure they serve any ice cream here.
Deanna Troi: Wait. What is that feeling? That sensation is so familiar.
William Riker: Is that you? Is that really you?
Deanna Troi: (catches her breath) I knew I was right.
Deanna Troi: Will! My goodness it has been so long.
William Riker: Deanna, what are you doing in Dimension X? I thought you wanted to take a break from space travel and live a... what was it you said? A normal life on Earth?
Deanna Troi: (smiles) Yes, well, normal does not always seem to work in my favor. I am here to help a friend. I was never expecting to see you here.
William Riker: Tell me about it. The Federation wanted us to investigate some strange events following that solar storm that occurred. My original plans were to find some time to unwind on Risa.
Deanna Troi: Of course you would need to find some time for yourself on Risa. You haven't changed a bit Will.
William Riker: Can you blame me? What else would I have going for me? I thought I had a life all set but it seemed someone else did not feel the same way.
Deanna Troi: Don't say that Will. I sense the pain behind that sentiment and I know it is directed at me. I am truly sorry. I wanted it to work out, but...
William Riker: But I loved my career more.
Deanna Troi: Yes. I also needed a change of pace from everything. Space exploration is draining. I couldn't do that and be the woman you needed.
William Riker: I've thought about you often. A few times I even thought about stopping on Earth just to see how you were.
Deanna Troi: What stopped you? Please don't say Risa.
William Riker: (chuckles) No. It was not Risa. No one could ever hold a candle to you Deanna. I never stopped by because I knew it would confuse things. It is always easier to love you from afar.
Deanna Troi: Will, I would have appreciated a visit from you. It would have meant something special...
Samus: All right, I am back. M has to wrap one last thing up and then she will meet us at the ship. Are you ready Deanna? Who is this?
Deanna Troi: Umm, this is my...
William Riker: (quickly speaks up) Former colleague. I'm Commanding Officer William T. Riker of the USS Enterprise.
Samus: Nice. I am Samus Aran, I work for the Galactic Federation. Well, I am currently a super hero on Earth. I am a part of this unnamed super hero team, Deanna has recently...
Deanna Troi: (interrupts) It's all right Samus. We don't need to bore him. I will meet you at the ship in just a moment.
Samus: Very well. Don't be too long. We have to leave this place.
Deanna Troi: I understand.
William Riker: Nice meeting you.
Deanna Troi: Well Will, I guess I should be going.
William Riker: Or you could change your mind and join us again on the Enterprise. Everyone misses you.
Deanna Troi: I am sure they do. I keep in touch with a few of them when I can. You will have to tell everyone I said hello.
William Riker: (gets closer to Deanna) So that's it? Just a simple good bye. No acknowledgement at the weirdness of us running into each other in this odd place? It might be quite a sign Deanna.
Deanna Troi: Will, sign or not, I can't join you. My home is on Earth. I never thought I'd say that, but after all this time, it is where I feel I belong.
William Riker: You were going to say something, before your traveling companion arrived. What was it?
Deanna Troi: (fights back tears) It was nothing. Nothing that would have mattered. (Deanna walks away)
William Riker: It would have mattered to me.
In another part of Dimension X...
Miss M: I guess this is goodbye.
Maleficent: Yes. I suppose it is.
Miss M: I thought you'd try to keep me here.
Ed: We have been here for awhile.
Maleficent: I was never trying to keep you here. I just simply had a problem trying to find a way for you to leave. I blame it on the solar storm.
Miss M: Right. Well, it has been strange, but I am ready to go. You ready Ed?
Ed: Yes. I believe so.
Miss M: If April O'Neil's dad changes his mind and wants to return to Earth, can you make that happen?
Maleficent: Me? I am not sure darling. I will do my best though.
Miss M: Just do the right thing Maleficent. I still don't know why you wanted me to meet him, but just do the right thing.
Maleficent: I always do the right thing my dear. Eventually.
Miss M: That's what worries me. Farewell Fairy Godmother. Come on Ed.
Ed: I'll be there in just a second.
Ed: Are you sure I can go? This isn't some trick?
Maleficent: My goodness why does everyone think I am up to something?!
Ed: Because you are. You've had me lying for you and you have been plotting things.
Maleficent: I should have left you in the After Life. I am truly up to nothing. I merely want to make sure I continue ruling over this nice little spot in the universe. Dimension X has a certain charm about it.
Ed: I suppose so. Just whatever you are planning please don't hurt Miss M.
Maleficent: Oh pish posh, those days are long gone. I'm her Fairy Godmother now for crying out loud.
Ed: Ok. I guess I believe you. Bye Maleficent.
Maleficent: Yes my dear boy, good bye.
Back on Earth in a Dairy Queen...
Yvie: Daddy, can I have my ice cream before dinner?
Bruce Wayne: No.
Yvie: But Auntie April said that I could have dessert first sometimes.
Bruce Wayne: (sighs) Your Auntie April talks too much.
Yvie: (lights up) Auntie April!!! You're here!
April: Of course sweet baby girl! I would not pass up the chance to have dinner with you. Although I will never understand why your father, who lives in a mansion and has a kitchen staff, enjoys coming here.
Yvie: They have really good ice cream. Daddy says I can't eat my dessert first. He also says you talk too much.
April: Did he now? Well when you get a little older I'll be sure to tell you what he does too much of, hmm? Spoiler alert: brooding.
Yvie: (giggles) Yay! Brooding! What does that word mean?
Bruce Wayne: (stammers) Yvie, Alfred is over by the play area. Go over there and see if he can go down a slide with you.
Yvie: Yay!
Bruce Wayne: I'll call you for dinner when it is ready.
Yvie: Ok daddy. Love you. Love you too Auntie April.
April: So I talk too much huh?
Bruce Wayne: (laughs) Yes. You do. Thank you for meeting us.
April: Of course. I love that little girl.
Bruce Wayne: Did you get the information I needed?
April: Yes. Sort of. Her name is Deanna Troi and she is a fabulous counselor. I think she is on vacation though because she is not returning my phone calls.
Bruce Wayne: Very well. I can see what I can do too. Just as long as you trust her.
April: I do. I think she will do wonderful work with Yvie. Is Yvie still having nightmares?
Bruce Wayne: Yes, though not as frequently. However when she does have them they are very intense. It feels like the whole damn house is shaking.
April: Bruce, that does not sound normal. Have you taken her to a doctor?
Bruce Wayne: Yes. The doctor can't explain a bit of it.
April: Well it might just be nothing. Her life has been a bit hectic and that might be the only reason she is experiencing those nightmares. Once she gets settled in more...
Bruce Wayne: No April. Something happened to her. Something really bad.
April: Bruce, I know you want to protect her, but I really think she is going to be ok.
Bruce Wayne: I don't know that she will be, ok April? I have no idea. This is all so damned new and scary for me. I just wish Miss M was here. It wouldn't be so bad.
April: I know. I wish she was here too.
Bruce Wayne: I think the food is ready.
April: (looks at Yvie in the play area) Oh that sweet girl, she has no idea how different her life could be if M were here.
April: M would be able to take away all those fears and nightmares and just bring nothing but joy to your life. She loved you so much. However I am gonna make damn sure you are protected. Mark my words.
Across town at the new hideout of the unnamed super hero team...
Billy: Good news is that Glitter is starting to function more.
Janine: Oh wonderful!
Billy: Yeah, Brian said he just needs a few more parts and then she will be up and running again. Thank you Janine for allowing us to use this space.
Janine: Of course. You guys are all welcome here.
Billy: We will find a more permanent place soon, for now this is as good as it can be I am afraid.
Janine: Billy, you guys are doing such great work. You are trying to expose Cobra for the evil misdeeds they are doing. You have also saved that sweet giraffe.
Billy: Yeah, I have no idea what we are going to do with Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: So you just make your order and they deliver piping hot pizza in 30 minutes or less?
He-Man: Yes. That is how it works.
Geoffrey: No way! This just makes me so happy. I have never really experienced such a thing!
He-Man: I'm shocked, truly.
He-Man: I guess you were just busy with all of your toy emporiums that ordering pizza was just never a big thing.
Geoffrey: Something like that! Gee He-Man, this is all just so magical. I've been so busy all these years and then there was that whole being kidnapped by Bane and held in captivity thing that I have never really gotten to experience life like this. I feel like a kid, you have all made me feel so welcomed.
He-Man: Well that is good.
Geoffrey: Can you think of a time that was just magical and made you oh-so-happy?
He-Man: That's uhh, that's a weird question.
Geoffrey: It's only weird if you want it to be weird! Come on He-Man! Surely you can think of something!
He-Man: Hmm. Let me think. I have a twin sister, only I never grew up with her. She was kidnapped as a baby. A number of years ago we were actually reunited and it was pretty magical. It was like I had an instant best friend. We looked out for each other. Helped save the world. A few different worlds come to think of it. But we finally got to celebrate our first birthday together and I wanted to make it special for her. So I bought all these presents that she would have gotten had she grown up with me and had a normal childhood. Come to think of it I got most of those toys at your emporiums. And that birthday we just laughed and she was beaming with excitement as she opened everything up and played with all the toys, she got to relive her childhood, at least the childhood she deserved had she not grown up in the Fright Zone. It was just a happy day. One of the happiest in my life. (fights back tears)
Geoffrey: Oh He-Man, I did not mean to upset you. That was a beautiful story though. Your sister sounds like an amazing woman.
He-Man: Thank you, she really is. I never thought I'd say this but your emporiums brought joy to my first birthday celebration with my twin sister. Thank you.
Quick Charge: These new digs are pretty sweet. I could get used to our base being in here.
Barbie: I am just happy to be out of space and back with you guys. Any ideas what we should do next?
Quick Charge: Yeah. We have Cobra right on our tails. So we need to find a way to stop them. And we have to protect Geoffrey from Bane. You think we can do this Oola?
Oola: I am not sure what we can do anymore. Cobra is ruining this country and I fear we are not going to be able to stop it.
Quick Charge: Ok, way to be all doom and gloom.
Barbie: I don't think she can help it. She's been through some stuff.
Quick Charge: We all have but that does not mean we just give up.
Oola: I am not giving up. I just don't know what to do next. I never thought I'd be the leader to a super hero team.
Geoffrey: Hey gang! Pizza looks like it is cooled down some!
Geoffrey: Hey Oola! Ya want a slice? I think it is gonna be a really good pizza. Sometimes we just need a break from saving the world, ya know?
Oola: Maybe he is right. Let's just enjoy some pizza for crying out loud. They never had that when I was in Jabba's Palace.
Barbie: Oh wow, she mentioned the Jabba guy. She hardly ever mentions him.
Quick Charge: I wonder what that is about?
Barbie: Who knows, let's go get some pizza.
The unnamed super hero team eats together and remarks how nice it is for them to all be together. They may not have a name yet but one thing is for sure, they are becoming a family.
Back on Dimension X!
Maleficent: You've returned, hopefully with a most pleasant gift.
Bucky O'Hare: Yes, it took us awhile but we found what you were looking for.
Maleficent: Well... Where is it?
Maleficent: Ahh, I see. Something this big truly needed to take some time to be found.
Bucky O'Hare: Yeah, he's a big sonuvabitch. We got him though. Needed some sedation but he went down pretty easily. Seemed very weak.
Maleficent: Yes, he is weak, but we can use that for our advantage until I am ready for him.
Bucky O'Hare: What do you want with this dude anyway?
Maleficent: I pay you to do my bidding, not ask any questions.
Bucky O'Hare: Well they might have something to say. Your friends are here.
Haggar the space witch and the mystery man with no face named Doom enter the room!
Haggar: You found Mon*Star.
Maleficent: Of course I did. After what Cobra did to you, I made sure to do some research on sweet revenge. Thankfully the solar storm provided the perfect way for me to bring Mon*Star to us.
Haggar: Excellent. Because I know what Cobra has in store for Earth. And once they threw me into space because I was no longer of use for them... well it only makes sense that we pull in Mon*Star. I want the ultimate payback!
Maleficent: Of course. Building the perfect team requires a great deal of care and planning. We'll get to Cobra very soon.
Haggar: Wonderful, because no one gets away with shunning me! I can't say that enough!
Maleficent: Exactly. They won't get away with this. I am so glad you came to me. Now what of this mystery man behind you. Doom? What do you think? I so wish you'd remove that box from your head, so I could get a proper look at you.
Doom: I will reveal myself when I am ready. For now, I approve. Mon*Star will be a key to this all. I am just ready to finally leave space and return home.
Haggar: Aren't we all?
Maleficent: Very well! Now come dear friends, let's find a way to wake Mon*Star up so we can move on to the next phase of our devious and highly secretive plans. Utter control of the entire universe! There, I spilled the beans! (evil laughter quickly ensues)
To be continued!
I suppose I'm as guilty as the next person for favoring fluff pieces over actually news. When so much of the news feel like they just feed unease or anger turning to trivial entertainment seems like an ideal distraction.
ReplyDeleteIf Deanna can't find ice cream at a space bar than its no wonder Bruce Wayne goes to Diary Queen so often. Looks like there's a 90 degree weekend ahead of us so I may get some DQ myself. Maybe a small blizzard, because I can't eat my ice cream first and keep my figure together. I don't know how April does it!