Wednesday, December 11, 2013

December 2013 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

The year is coming to an end. I personally can't believe another year is going by. The year has been pretty thrilling with so many great toy interviews. I've had the great luck of getting to interview some of the best. Of course, then there were three in 2013. Who will they be? Who will get the dubious distinction of being featured in the top three interview spots for the end of the year? Well dear diary, I'm not sayin squat. It will just have to be a glorious surprise. Anyways, I am off. I need to check into the office. April has been hiding out since Thanksgiving. Apparently someone got mad that she knocked over a vat of fried turkey juice drippings on the ground. Supposedly the drippings melded with some radioactive residue from the sewer and has created these really creepy rats that gobble, not to mention some breed of super roach that can withstand freezing temperatures. Eh. Tis the season.

-Miss M

Miss M: Hey April. It's so nice to see you! Where have you been these last few days?
April: Oh, I took some time off for some lunch time procedures and the requisite recovery time.

Miss M: What?
April: I ate too much over the Thanksgiving holiday. So I had my dermatologist freeze some fat off. While whirling up a batch of my fluff, I had him inject it back into my facial cheeks. I look youthful again!
Miss M: You always look youthful.

April: As my best friend I understand that you are obligated to say such random acts of kindness, but let's be real. If I truly looked young, than I'd be playing me in the soon to be released Turtle movie instead of that half wit from the zoo.
Miss M: I don't think Ms. Fox comes from the zoo.
April: Whatever. I don't have time to discuss these matters. I'm late for an appointment. I would imagine you know what you need to do for the day?

Miss M: Of course. I've got my assignment and I will be interviewing the Heroic Hottie. Like I do every month.
April: Great. No reason to think this month will be any different.
Miss M: Do you ever wonder though April? Wonder what would happen if things were different, if life just changed dramatically?

April: No, not really. Why would anything change? You have a fabulous job with your best friend. I've practically taught you everything you could ever need to know about journalism. You're dating a Ninja Turtle. I've never seen you happier. True your dog died under mysterious circumstances and you did sort of botch a wedding between Franken Berry and the chick that played the Bride in the Bride of Frankenstein, but why would you even wonder about messing up a good thing? 2013 has been your year Miss M. It's only proper that you end it with a bang. So, get to work!

Miss M: (nods with a smile) All right!

December 2013 Heroic Hottie!

Miss M: (all smiles at the Heroic Hottie) Ahoy matie! Shiver me timbers!
Sea Hawk: That antiquated stereotype of a pirate voice offends me Miss M.

Miss M: (looks embarrassed) Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I was only trying to bond.

Sea Hawk: (starts laughing) I'm just messin with ya darlin. You should have seen the look on your face. You really are a proper one, huh? We need to get you into some pirate gear.
Miss M: Oh, that's ok. I've never dreamt of being a pirate or anything like that. I don't know that I could really hang with pirates. Don't get me wrong, I totally loved you guys in the original Lego sets that came out last century, but I don't know how I feel about living on a ship with no central plumbing. And then there's all that scurvy and dude smells. I mean, it just sounds like a nightmare. I'm too cute for all that.

Sea Hawk: You make it sound worse than it is. Ya know that?
Miss M: (shakes her head in a serious fashion) No, no. I'm pretty sure I know how it is. I wouldn't last a second. I like flowers and looking pretty. Smelling nice too. A pirate's life is not for me. I must say though, you have got to be the most buff pirate I have ever seen. I don't recall you ever looking this ripped.
Sea Hawk: It's hard out there for a pirate. You've gotta deal with poachers. The Horde. Johnny Depp. There's always something.
Miss M: And that's not even counting matters of the heart! (narrows eyes) You know what I mean.
Sea Hawk: Gawd. Why do you have to be such a dorkette?
Miss M: It's in my dorky DNA.

Sea Hawk: Well I don't know about DNA and I could care less about matters of the heart. You made damn sure of that with your phony She-Ra fan fiction. Really M? You wrote some tacky piece where Adora/She-Ra gets into a love triangle with me and that wimp guy that plays the harp, and she doesn't end up with either of us. In fact, she ends up alone in what has got to be the dumbest ending of a She-Ra fan fiction that I have ever read.
Miss M: Wow. Way to ruin Christmas. Tell me how you really feel.
Sea Hawk: I will. As soon as I finish my ale.
Miss M: Whatever. I think the story was perfect. Adora/She-Ra was not meant to get her man in the end. The story was always about her and her journey to finding her own honor. Besides, it was an open ending for the sole purpose that there is always more story to tell.
Sea Hawk: Sounds like a real boring chick piece.
Miss M: Well you just lack an imagination.

Sea Hawk: I lack imagination? I'm a pirate that pilots a solar powered air ship. I have a mouse for a pet and I once drank Wolverine under the table. Twice. I lack nothing. Tell me the truth dorkette, who did you want to end up in a relationship with Adora? Me or that harp playing wimp.
Miss M: Bow is so not a wimp! He is like the hottest thing since shaved ham.
Sea Hawk: That is sickening.
Miss M: Your Bow-a-phobia is sickening.
Sea Hawk: My aren't you feisty?
Miss M: Please. I'm not going home with you. I'm in a happy relationship with a Ninja Turtle.
Sea Hawk: I wasn't asking. No offense dorkette, but you aren't my type. I like tall blonds with a fighting chance.
Miss M: I'm, like, a fighter.

Just then, someone interrupts the interview: Octavia!

Sea Hawk: (draws his sword) Begone sea witch!

Miss M: Oh no. This just got real.

Octavia: (slurps and gurgles) Ah, I am here. But not for you, you foolish pirate! I am here for the dork girl.
Miss M: Gulp. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Please don't let me fight you.

Sea Hawk: (rolls his eyes) Do you ever hear the words that come out of your mouth?
Miss M: Oh quiet pirate.

Octavia: I don't care for this drivel. I am here to deliver a message from Hordak for Miss M. He will be arriving at your office for his Bodacious Baddie interview in a few days. He wants to be alone. Just the two of you.
Miss M: Ok. Is that all?
Octavia: (turns to leave) That is all. As for you pirate, our past skirmishes are far from over. Next time your head will be on one of my swords.

Octavia leaves as Miss M stands around with Sea Hawk.

Miss M: So yeah. That was strange. What's even stranger is that I have to interview Hordak. Of all people.

Sea Hawk: Do you think that is wise?
Miss M: Well I mean, I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to interview a Bodacious Baddie every month. I've had to talk to some of the world's most dangerous villains and hoodlums. By all accounts I should be long gone by now. I mean, no one walks away from an interview with Skeletor and lives to tell about it, know what I mean?

Sea Hawk: Lots of people live to tell the tale of talking to Skeletor. They practically had a television show based off that premise.
Miss M: Well whatever! Interviewing villains is not an easy job and I would be lying if I said I was slightly worried about interviewing Hordak. I mean, it feels like someone has been trying to kill me this year. But that's just ridiculous. Right?

Sea Hawk: Right. Ya know what I think dorkette?
Miss M: What?
Sea Hawk: I think you really need to get a life.
Miss M: Humph. That was just rude. Are we done? I've got a date with my nunchuck skilled boyfriend to go Christmas shopping for our friends. I'd rather do that than talk to the second runner up for She-Ra's affections!
Sea Hawk: I don't believe it. You would have She-Ra fall in love with Bow over me, a handsome devilish pirate?

Miss M: Yes. I stand by my decision. I am glad you decided to be interviewed though for the Heroic Hottie feature. You're the last one for the year and I know your fans will be excited.
Sea Hawk: I bet. Listen darlin, this was nice, but I have plans of my own. Enjoy your date with the turtle. See ya.
Miss M: Yeah. See ya.

As the two say good bye, Miss M looks around and smiles. Another interview down. Two more to go. Before she can get to the good stuff though, she needs to go on a shopping date. Ah the romance of a dorkette and a Ninja Turtle. Could anything be more grody?

December 2013 Heroic Hottie!


  1. April seems like she's that kind of person you think you know until you really listen to what they have to say.

    As for Megan Fox, I thought she might of had some potential as an actress if she were just given a project that wasn't big blockbuster material, but any sympathy I had for her vanished after she did that commercial for Motorola which had as the punchline "you can use the camera phone to take picture of yourself naked". There is just nothing I can say after that.

    So yeah... Pirates YARRR!

    1. Here's how I envision April. She's a little older, maybe a little cynical, and she has built a career at being the face of a news station, so I like to imagine that she has all these crazy hang ups about aging and all those silly exaggerations about vanity. I mean part of it is connected to me, as I am getting older too and I do think about those things, but it is all just over the top and ridiculous.

      And Megan Fox. Hmm. I have to be careful what I say cuz I know people really like her and I don't want to offend anyone. I personally never understood why everyone freaked out over her, I think she is a very pretty woman, but I just didn't like her personality in interviews and stuff. I just didn't see what the hype was all about.

      And yeah, Pirates! YARRR! Could you ever be a pirate? I truly do not think I'd last a second. lol

    2. Well "Gokaiger" the Space Pirate themed season of the Super Sentai series (coming to US Soil as the oddly named "Power Rangers Super Megaforce" in 2014) is easily my favorite installment of the franchise, so if I had a choice, thats the kind of pirate I would want to be.

      I imagine I could wear spandex a lot better than I could a puffy shirt.

    3. Oh wow! I didn't know they were going to be bringing a Space Pirate themed Power Rangers story to the US. That is really cool, I will need to check that out. I also have to agree, spandex seems much better than a puffy shirt. Totally!

    4. Yeah, its taken its sweet time though. Gokaiger aired in 2011 and its making its US appearance three years later! From what I've read, it has something to do with how Nickelodeon handles their rights management or something like that.

      If I'm going to be wearing spandex, I just need to do about six hundred preparatory sit ups though.

    5. Well, I have to admit, I am excited because I want to see if they'll make any toys to anything. lol I'll have to keep a look out though for more information.

      Also, I am with you, I would need to be doing some situps and pilates if I wanted to run around in spandex too! lol

    6. Comic Con had some sneak peeks of the Pirate toys. They are bulkier than the original Japanese models but thats par for the course by now.

      I also just learned the gym has WiFi. Thats something that could certainly get me there more regularly.

    7. Ok so I have been meaning to reply to this comment, even more so now, because I just saw some in stores! I though of you instantly! I like that they are a little larger.

      I also love that. I'd probably go to the gym too if there was WiFi. The gym by me probably does, but I am not sure I will ever really go. I have a story about gyms, or rather people that work at a gym by my house. I will have to post it. It's pretty funny.

    8. I'm always up for funny stories!

      I always said if I there was WiFi at the gym that I could use it to marathon some cartoons/anime on my iPod while working the elliptical machine (it works your arms and legs!). But now that I have this power, I'm at a loss as to what it is I could watch.

      Maybe I such seek out some recommendations. Though now that I think about it I have been wanting to finish "Cowboy Bebop", I just can't recall what episode I left off on.

      Although looking at my post-holiday body, I think I may want to focus on some abdominal exercises instead. My arms and legs get enough attention in just the daily goings-on, but my gut isn't very active. Perhaps working this area could also build some upper body strength, as I've dreamed of being the romantic type who carries the bride over the threshold.

    9. I try to do some walking and yoga. I don't really do gyms as I like to be alone when working out. I will also have dance sessions in the kitchen or my bedroom. I feel like that will work out my body, but I have to also realize that I will never be a super model. I'm just too short. lol

      I have never watched Cowboy Bebop, but I have heard it is really good. I should give it a try.

    10. Walking I can handle. However I think my dance card was revoked after the Halloween Party of '08. The bystanders said it was like witnessing a geriatric drowning in slow motion.

  2. That was so deliciously twisted. How do pirates get all the women when the act like that? But they don't get the pirate women because pirate women know all about pirate men. But a poor innocent like Miss M, well, that is not a good match at all.

    1. Now that is true Kal, pirate women do know about pirate men. One year my friend gave me a historical book on female pirates, and it was just fascinating. They were not ones to be messed with. And yeah, toy Miss M would not do well dating pirates and their ilk. lol

  3. Wow! I'm really glad that you were able to get Sea Hawk; I kind of wish you threw in a large She-Ra group shot, but whatever, you got something important to you even after the BS with the subscription.
    Was Sea Hawk new on the card or was he loose? I'm guessing you got him on ebay?

    Although the interview thing is fun, I'm just wondering about a "review" of Sea Hawk because he is pretty cool even though he looks a bit unbalanced with the MOTUC body. REALLY COOL though and I'm happy for you--Mantenna, Kowl and Sea Hawk; perfect!

    Last thing, I know that April is supposed to be "of age" but maybe, just maybe, you should use the new April--just for kicks, you know how much I like that figure!

    Oh, I saw a review on Castle Grayskull, its nice, but I think I prefer having the guitar that I'll play over something that will sit on a table collecting dust, so canceling it wasn't a mistake after all--its nice, but not necessary.

    Once again, I'm really glad that you were able to get Sea Hawk, sometimes you have to win...

    1. Well have no fear! A big splashy Sea Hawk review is in the works! He is a bit too bulky for me though, he looks top heavy slightly. I think it is the plastic shirt piece. I could be wrong though. I had told myself that I was not going to rush out to get him, but I didn't want to miss out on owning him since he was the reason I subscribed.

      I do have some ideas for using the new April in the story that would be congruent with April being of age. I just haven't reached that point yet.

      I have seen partial reviews on the new Grayskull. As much as I would love to own it, I know it is for the best. I wouldn't even know where to put the damn thing. I'm glad you got the guitar, that makes a better fit for you! Hope all is well, and I will talk to you later!

  4. It's funny that you can tell from this that you really are a Bow and Adora shipper! ( Bowdora? Adorow?) Because you made Sea Hawk out to be a real jerk! You made him much more likable in the actual Fan Fiction, but here he is a total dick! The figure though looks awesome! And, be still my heart, the mouse!! they actually gave him the freakin' mouse! I can't stand how awesome that is!
    And if Ocatvia is gulp-worthy I can't imagine the major gulpage Hordak will inspire! That will be an amazing episode I'm certain of it.

    1. Well yeah, I do really believe in Bow and Adora falling in love and being each other's true loves. But at the same time, I do like the romance with Adora/She-Ra and Sea Hawk. He is a character that I like a lot, even though my heart goes pidder padder for Sea Hawk from time to time.

    2. Oh, and I forgot. The mouse did not come with Sea Hawk. The mouse was actually a toy from the Simpsons line by Playmates. I hope the interview with Hordak was everything you'd have expected! Hope the weekend is treating you well.

  5. geez what a little bit conceited sea hawk including the way he told toy miss m he hated the ending of your she ra fan fict. and sounds like miss ms memory may be coming back the way she said she thinks some one is trying to kill her . and afraid of being with hordak

    1. Yeah, there are a few reasons for Sea Hawk acting the way that he did in this interview. It will all hopefully make sense! lol Toy Miss M is gonna be having a run for her money! Thank you for the comment!