The holiday season is in full gear. People have forgotten how to drive and the roads are dangerous. Folks are fighting over items marked so high they might as well be living with the Care Bears. But, all is good. I'm in a very stable relationship with a Ninja Turtle and we are going to go shopping for Christmas gifts for our loved ones. I couldn't be happier. This is going to be the greatest Christmas ever!
I have enclosed a jewel that helps protect you.
Miss M presents:
Christmas Wishes and Toy Dreams!
Miss M: (looks at list) Well let's see. We got Splinter a soap opera book from the used bookstore, but it looks practically new so he won't know it was used. That will be ok, you think?
Michelangelo: Yeah! Tubular song skills dorkette! (high fives Miss M)
Michelangelo: Totally M. Totally. Leonardo needs to cut loose and stop being so disciplined. By getting him this gift, my brother will have to totally have fun. He's too goody-goody to reject a gift.
Michelangelo: Totally. I don't get how April keeps her jumpsuits in such great condition after all these years.
Miss M: It's like a girl thing. I'd imagine it has to do with the detergent she uses. Or something. Ya know, do you wonder if there are other versions of ourselves in alternate realities? Not to change the subject or anything, but like, I wonder what the alternate me is doing right now. I had this sad dream the other night that another version of me was living on an Earth similar to ours, but she was splitting up with her husband and selling perfume to mermaids by the sea shore. I don't really know why she was selling perfume to mermaids. I mean I don't even think it is possible to smell underwater. Unless mermaids have some latent powers to smell stuff underwater. I bet it is magical to be a mermaid, ya know?
Miss M: (smiles) Yeah, I think so. Ok, let's split up. We'll rendezvous in a few, k?
Michelangelo: Cowabunga dudette! This is gonna be awesome!
Michelangelo: What did you get me dorkette?
Miss M: I can't tell you! Goofball!
But I can show you what I got for myself. I mean, this is the season of giving right? (pulls out a rare DeadFast action figure) Check this out! I found a rare DeadFast figure!
Michelangelo: (looks it over) Tubular. Don't you already have one of these though?
Miss M: (nods) Yep. I have a loose one at home, but now I have one in mint condition! This is so exciting!
Miss M: What's wrong? Aren't you excited? This is like the rarest action figure of 2013.
Michelangelo: Yeah, I know. M, what are you gonna do with all your stuff?
Michelangelo: I totally respect your collection and awesome dorkette skills, but I don't understand why you have to have the same item in loose condition and in mint. It's totally overkill, right?
Michelangelo: I get ya. I just wonder about ya. You're my bodacious girl, and sometimes I just want to understand more about you.
Miss M: Well I don't know why I collect the way I do! It's crazy ok? (starts to panic and wonders if her collection is annoying him) I mean you might as well toss me to the curb like yesterday's news print. Make me obsolete. Maybe you need to date a mutated creature girl, like Flutterina or Mona Lisa. Maybe they'd be more your style.
Michelangelo: No way. Uncool. I would never do that M. I like that you are the biggest dorkette and that whenever you are in a store you make it a point to stop at every toy aisle. It's tubular. I just want you to let me in, to know more about you. That's all.
Miss M: What am I supposed to say Michelangelo? The truth is just so silly. I can't even say it. I just can't.
Michelangelo: Trust me M. If you love me, just trust me.
Michelangelo: No way dorkette. Why would that be silly?
Miss M: Because. You know this. I can't have children.
Miss M: I know, and I would in a heart beat. But I'm in no position right now to do that and I am only getting older. It's so funny, because when you are little you feel like there is so much time and that all of your dreams are going to come true. I wanted to be a mom. Not in the way of wanting to be a mom at the age of three, but more like, 'when I grow up I am going to be a mom.' Sometimes our dreams just aren't in the cards though. Of course, I'll literally be the old woman that dies with her toys. Say what you will about a cat lady, shit gets real though when you are the toy lady. You might as well start digging the grave now.
Michelangelo: Now why would you go and say something like that? You aren't going to grow old and be some gnarly old toy lady. You've got me M. Regardless if we have kids or not, we'll always have each other. I'm ready to go on any adventure with you, till the very end.
Miss M: (tries to shake the tears off) Whatever. You're just saying that because you are my boyfriend.
Michelangelo: Your boyfriend that loves you totally. More than the pizza from Antonio's even!
Miss M: (deadpans) Wow. I'm glad I rate above pizza.
Michelangelo: It is pretty good pizza.
Miss M: (smiles) You are right.
Michelangelo: Come here.
Miss M: Hold on Michelangelo, I'll be right back.
Yes, I would. I want to help bring some joy to a child this holiday.
Holiday Helper: You too ma'am!
Miss M: I mean, I don't know that I could donate my entire collection, but maybe what I need to do is trim things down. I think I can share the joys of some items with people now instead of waiting for a life that might never happen.
They stand there together, looking on at the people around them. Michelangelo squeezes M's hand tightly. The holidays are a strange time of year. So many emotions poured into one event.
Miss M: Yeah. Let's go to the soda shop. You can get some hot coco. I might wanna get some bubble gum ice cream or something.
Michelangelo: Aw dudette! How can you eat that stuff?
Miss M: Umm, easily. The taste of chemically engineered bubble gum flavor is amazing. Come on, let's get a snack.
As they prepare to walk off with their bags of holiday cheer, Michelangelo grabs Miss M's arm.
Miss M: Thanks Michelangelo. You'd make a nice dad. That kid would have some awesome ninja skills.
Michelangelo: Got that right! Cowabunga!
Miss M: (shakes her head with a smile) Come on, let's get that snack. All this shopping has made me hungry.
Michelangelo: You got it babe.
Up next! Diary of a Dorkette reaches its 400th post and it will be a story you will not want to miss! Celebrate in the most shocking post ever!
Let me just jump in and say that I love the "I've enclosed a jewel that helps protect you" reference.ReplyDelete
Just so long as it's a P-wing and not the stupid music box. ;)
Oh it is totally a P-Wing. I loathed the music box. I'd save up all the P-Wings so I could use them on levels I didn't want to fool with. lol I love that game so much. : )Delete
Dear Miss M,ReplyDelete
Its not the holiday season that causes people to forget how to drive, its just that when you get into the Ohio area people just don't know how to drive period.
"I'm in a stable relationship with a Ninja..." I should hope so! I can't even imagine what an unstable relationship with a ninja would look like!
I did some Christmas shopping myself today, but also had to be at the dentist by 2:30. I thought 20 minutes would be enough time to navigate mall traffic. How naive!
That is a good question. What are April's jumpsuit made of? Maybe you should follow the Yellow Ranger back there and ask were she gets her suits cleaned and mended.
Don't you worry your pretty little head about Mirror Universe Miss M! She sells perfume to mermaids to help combat the foul odor left behind by all the mermen's cigar smoke.
Better check on the suit Mikey bought for April. It'd be mighty embarrassing if he bought her some unflattering yellow yoga pants by mistake. Besides, purchasing awkward clothing items for April is Casey's job now! haha.
Wow. This post got deep all the sudden. I'm at a loss for words...
Yeah... Toys for Tots. Christmas Spirit! Give the gift of giving!
Hot Chocolate and Bubble Gum Ice Cream? Mm. The only thing that could be better is this new Hot Chocolate flavor Ice Cream that the local coffee place is offering now.
Glad to see there are some good spirits at the mall this season!
I'll be interested in seeing episode 400 (I had no idea you had been doing this that long!) Will that be were we get to see Miss M's gift for Mikey and vice versa?
Though really have more cherished memories of shopping with my college sweetie than I do of actually getting her a Christmas gift. Though I tend to value time spent together than material possessions. But thats another story for another exciting time.
Seasons best and Merry Christmas!
Yes this was one of those posts that are all over the place. lol I feel a kindred spiritness with you, as I have read comments from you about not liking to drive on freeways or something like that. I hate it. I will do it, but I loathe it. People are so crazy on the roads throughout the rest of the year, but something happens when the temperatures drop, it just gets messy. Folks forget everything. Same thing with the rain. You would think that people would want to drive cautiously, but people throw caution to the wind when they can't see five feet in front of them.Delete
I really liked the idea of saying, "I'm in a stable relationship with a Ninja Turtle" it just sounds so absurd. I love it.
I'm glad that everything turned out well in the dentist's office. I always get nervous when I have to see the dentist, but as my dad says, "our family has a long line of having healthy teeth." I don't know where he gets that information from, but I still get freaked out.
I would hope that Mikey got April a good yellow jump suit. We'll just have to see what happens.
It will be the 400th post. I have been typing away on this blog for awhile now. Over two years. The exciting thing is, what happens in the next few posts is something that I have been waiting and waiting to get at for the whole year! I hope it will be something amazing!
Hot Chocolate flavor ice cream sounds amazing. I do love bubble gum ice cream though. It sounds really awful, but it is soo good.
And I agree, the time spent together is far more fun and important than the material part. I hope that all is well with you and I wish nothing but the best for the season and a Merry Christmas to you too!
It funny how we were talking about the flat tip of my nose on Facebook recently. During the first shopping trip with my college sweetie (I hate using the word "girlfriend" because I met a girl at a party once who introduced herself as "Jake's girlfriend" and never found out what her actual name was)Delete
Anyway the two of us went grocery shopping one time and I was at my wit's end trying to find powered lemonade. Low and behold she found it. I was so grateful that without thinking I leaned in for the "gratitude forehead kiss" and with the procession strike of a ninja she stopped me with her forefinger at the flat tip of my nose and said "Not yet".
Our next shopping story involved her being the overly affectionate one. Good times.
Yeah I am always unsure what names to use in terms of those relationship title. I mean it is nice to have someone own the words of saying, "this is my boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse or whatever" But at the same time there is something to be said for calling someone by their name.Delete
I like your story about the girl you dated. It often reminds me of my own experiences with being affectionate. Affection is such an interesting thing!
Funny you should mention calling someone by their name since I haven't actually used hers. She had a beautiful, but distinctly ethnic name that no one else really has, so she is always looking it up on Google.Delete
Hence I'm hesitant to use for actual name in my anecdotes for fear of saying something potentially compromising that could get tracked back here. (I got in a small bit of trouble for mentioning it in one of my previous posts you see.)
Her name was an Eastern European word (ironic that she grew up in Texas) which meant "Graceful and Obedient". Perhaps "Grace" will serve as a sufficient pseudonym in the future.
Well I can understand the whole thing with using someone's real name on something. I have been very careful when I am referring to someone on here from my real life. If only because I know how important privacy is. After all, I refused to use my real name for the longest time. I liked the idea of just being Miss M. But after getting to know people I realized that I had no choice but to share that. However, when it comes to other people, I do want to respect that privacy, so I can understand why you don't share that! She sounds like a special person though.Delete
Exactly. Usually just referring to someone by their first name leaves it vague enough but thats still a bit risky in this case. I very nearly got in trouble for spilling the beans on an amusing anecdote I posted this past summer with her real first name but ended up deleting it in order to spare potential embarrassment.Delete
I like the name Miss M as well. Not only is it alliterative, but also sounds like a name you could use to go out and fight crime at night... with style!
She was a very special person. I was a late bloomer and didn't really "come into my own" until college. (I actually lost twenty pounds during my freshman year since I didn't have a car and walked everywhere.) Going to an out of state school I was grateful for the friends I could find, especially her since she was just as if not nerdier than me. (She said some time later that she knew I was the one after I had made a "Doctor Who" and "Firefly" reference in the same sentence) But then to discover that this very shapely young woman (she said that her class once broke out in a round of "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" when she walked into the room) was trying to ask me out (much to my ignorance) was just unbelievably overwhelming.
Yeah, well, I am glad you have been careful with her name. She sounds like a really wonderful person and I am glad that you got to know her.Delete
It can be overwhelming when someone asks you out, ya know? I have had guys tell me that I must have all kinds of men trying to date me, but it is never like that. lol So when, on the off chance that it has happened, I am always surprised and caught off guard.
The Miss M has many purposes. I used to have a friend call me Miss M for short and it sort of stuck. Plus I do like the idea of it sounding like I could fight crime at night. I wish I could. That would be so cool. I am way too scared and not super hero-ish enough. lol
If you have an alliterative name, I think by cosmic law you have to go out and battle the criminal element. Or at least thats what years of reading comic books have taught me.Delete
This was very beautiful, M.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much Goodwill Geek. I have been wanting to write this for awhile now, and I am glad I finally got to. I hope you and your family are doing wonderfully well. : )Delete
Surely it's a season for sharing. Interesting story plot with a good message.ReplyDelete
Thank you LEon! I have been meaning to reply to this comment, but I have been so busy catching up. I thank you, and I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend!Delete
Well if the alternate reality version of you is in anyway a reference to the actual reality version of you, and if you are in fact splitting up with your husband, then let me just answer two questions right away that I know you will inevitably be asking me:ReplyDelete
Question one: Will I marry you?
Answer: Yes I will.
Question two: Am I just marrying you to get to your toy collection?
Answer: No, not at all. But I will want to play with motu classics toys, but, if you let me, as one of the many happy by-products of our glorious matrimony, you will gain full access to my Grimace cookie jar!
And I certainly won't be a dick about your toy collecting like Michelangelo! Jeez, that wasn't very chill of him! Must just be the Holiday season getting to him!
And what is that little Deadfast toy from? Is that a real character from something?
Hey Nick! Well when you add in the Grimace cookie jar, how could this not be a perfect match? lol I loved reading this comment, it was funny in the best way possible.Delete
The Deadfast toy is not a real toy. He is a superhero action figure from the Monster High line. One of the characters, Ghoulia, is a big fan and she has a clothing set that comes with this action figure and some Deadfast comics. It is a cute little thing and it was the perfect prop for this story.
Well, don't let it go to your head too much, if I had a dollar for every cute dorky Texan who obsesses over She-Ra that I proposed marriage to, I would be a very rich man!Delete
But you are the first to have a boy name. So you do stand out from the crowd a bit!
I want to see Rankin-Bass redo this tale for a CBS Holiday Special like those old Rudolf ones they use to do because this was a Christmas classic. : )ReplyDelete
Now John, that would be pretty awesome! I think I would die of complete excitement.Delete
Just joined today through Toy Bloggers Utd. Makes me want to dust off my blog and start posting again. Enjoyable read.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much Hero_UK! I really enjoy the links shared from Toy Bloggers Utd. It is a very nice group. Glad you enjoyed, and I hope you dust off your blog and start posting again. Hope all is well!Delete
This plays out beautifully, like the best of classic holiday specials. Lessons learned, hearts warmed, and hands held tight.ReplyDelete
"Christmas Day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to grasp.
Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we.
Welcome Christmas while we stand
Heart to heart and hand in hand."
Yes, that was what I was hoping for, that this would all play out beautifully. I had been wanting to tell this tale for awhile, and I finally got to do it! Actually pretty much every story this month has been something I have long been planning to get to. I hope you are doing well, and I will talk to you soon!Delete
Great post as usual. Well since I will die long before you I will put you in my will so that you will have more toys and cats to grow old with.ReplyDelete
Well Kal, we don't know about that. Why, they might find some way to engineer a Super Kal that allows you to live for a longer amount of time while continuing to stomp out the octopus menace. I will chat with you soon my dear friend!Delete
that was a great post espically loved how no matter how crazy emotional toy miss m was getitng mikey proved that she has a keeper as a lover plus also loved the bit where the toys for tots got a donation that was really touching . too bad rankin bass is no longer around for this is just screaming new xmas special . as for aprils suits. always thought she just has one and washes it over and over then has a new one made .ReplyDelete
Thank you demoncat! I like the idea that no matter how neurotic toy Miss M can get, Michelangelo is always there and ready to love her no matter what. I think that is an important thing. I also wanted to make this special very touching. For many reasons.Delete
I also like the idea of April washing the same suit over and over until she needs a new one! lol I could just imagine April devoting so much time to washing her one yellow suit! lol I hope you are doing well.
Bravo, bravo. What a tangled web toy Miss M. weaves in this sure to be Christmas Classic of diary entries.ReplyDelete
Our trip to Florida earlier this month made it clear to me that people become simply crazy on the roads this time of year. Soooo many accidents we passed both going, and coming back. Sad.
Can't wait to see what further exploits are in store for Miss M, Mikey, and the gang as we close in on 2014!
Well thank you very much Vaporman! This is a nice comment.Delete
I can only imagine the amount of accidents and other road problems you saw on the Florida trip. I really do feel like the stresses of this holiday really create some problems with how people drive and do other things. I'm glad you had a safe trip though!
I'm sure that 2014 will have all kinds of interesting things in store for toy Miss M! lol Hope you are doing well.
So nice to give presents to children on Holidays :DReplyDelete
I notice you have a happy meal barbie prince (I forgot his name. Adrian?). I customized mine and transformed him into professor Quirrell, he he.
You totally got his name! It is Adrian, the prince from, I think it was like Swan Lake or something. But yeah, he totally came from a Happy Meal. lol I love that you customized yours. lol I have dabbled with customization a little bit, but not much. I'm not really good at it.Delete