Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Miss M Presents: April Vs. April!

Dear Diary,

So I thought I was a collector, but apparently my collection is chump change compared to Bruce Wayne's massive set of items from his Archival Room. He has everything. Since he has been healing from his wounds, I use his security cameras to spy on what's in his room. All while he is napping of course. He has so much stuff! I think eventually I'll cover it all. Until then, I'm just continuing to try and find what I can. I'm also hoping that I can find my way back to my old body. That would just be really nice.

-Miss M

While operating the cameras in the Batcave, Miss M tries to spy inside Bruce Wayne's Archival Room.

Miss M: Ok, let's see what I can find this time. I am really hoping Bruce has a collection of Popcorn Pretties. I mean, that would just be the coolest thing ever. Come on Bruce, show me what you got!

Meanwhile, in a mall across town, Maleficent (disguised as Superwoman) makes her way into an OPI salon after having watched the movie Maleficent for the 8th time.

Maleficent: My dear, is it here? Is the Maleficent collection by MAC here?

OPI Associate: Oh geeze, I am super sorry, but we only sell OPI products here.
Maleficent: Well that doesn't make any sense. I see cosmetics everywhere. I wish to purchase my signature red lipstick from the MAC line.
OPI Associate: Yeah, we all do. MAC made a super cool line for the movie. Have you seen it yet?
Maleficent: Ha. Seen it? I lived it. Though they still got it wrong.

OPI Associate: I'm super confused right now.
Maleficent: Don't you know who I am?
OPI Associate: (looks down) No.

Maleficent: Well you should! After all, it is my life that they have made into a multi-million dollar venture! Of course, where were those people when I needed them? When I was tossed aside and seen as a villain. No one was a fan back then! Now look, everyone loves me. I've got my own makeup line. Little girls are running around with horns on their heads! I've become... beloved...
OPI Associate: That sounds super.

Maleficent: (gets angry) It is not super! I died! No glossy movie can change that fact. I died. And for that, everyone must still pay. It will be curses for everyone!

Maleficent causes a ruckus in the salon before leaving.

OPI Associate: You have a super day!

Across town...

April: I think we've been knocking these interviews out of the park. Don't you Irma?

Irma: Perfect. We have really been reaching out to some special heroes. Plus, that Blizzard at Dairy Queen was so good.
April: I know. (notices a crowd ahead) Hey, are those people protesting over there?

Irma: Yeah it seems like they are. Should we go investigate?

April: I think so. Let's tread carefully.

Protesters chant their disapproval of the city hosting this year's Conference of Evil.

Anna Valerious: What do we want?

Brandine: We want evil gone from our city! And a pack of Lucky's!

Anna Valerious: Who are we going to oust?

Cletus: Mayor Quimby! He's a funny large man. I want a beer.

Protesters in unison: Fire Quimby! Fire Quimby! Fire Quimby and the Conference of Evil!

Helen Lovejoy: Can someone just think of the children? I don't want evil super villains using the same restrooms as my children! They will be taken and murdered!

Gung Ho: It's the end of the world! This is the end times! And it's all thanks to our mayor! He is allowing evil to run rampant in the streets.

April: (to Irma) I don't think they get it. This isn't the first Conference of Evil. What do they expect is going to happen? At worst, the Misfits will perform again, and at best, the Conference will bring in revenue for the city.
Irma: You condone the Conference of Evil April?

April: Oh come on. Part of our job involves interviewing Bodacious Baddies. We can't just kick a group of people out of the city because we fear and misunderstand them. Haven't we learned anything from the X-Men?
Irma: Well, I'm all for including every group to the table, but April, this is evil we are talking about. World domination. Madness. Supreme power. Subjugation of innocent people. Ya know, evil.

April: Not all villains are truly bad Irma. We just finished talking to Emma Frost and she used to be a real piece of work.
Irma: So are you saying you'll be inviting Shredder to Thanksgiving dinner?
April: Well... not exactly. If Shredder wasn't so interested in killing us or the Turtles, I'd maybe give him a chance at some sort of redemption.

Irma: (pauses while looking off in the distance) Do you think you could spare redemption for other people?
April: Who did you have in mind?

Irma: (looks worried) I mean, don't look now, but... well... go ahead and look now.

April turns to stare at the one woman she never thought she'd come across.

Megan Fox: This is April O'Neil reporting for Channel 6 News at what appears to be an angry mob forming in the streets.

April: Hell. No. (walks off towards Megan Fox)
Irma: April, wait! Remember to use your words! Not your fists! Oh no.

April: Excuse me.

Megan Fox: Oh, hello. We're filming right now, and you sort of just ruined the shot.

Sideshow Mel: Cut the scene. Let's hope that real life mob will be here in 30. Megan, good job.

Megan Fox: Thanks. (turns to April) Can I help you?
April: What is the meaning of this?
Megan Fox: We're shooting last minute rewrites for a movie called Ninja Turtles. It's a doco-drama chronicling the origin stories of the mysterious Ninja Turtles. Are you a fan?

April: Ha. You're joking, right?
Megan Fox: No. Good cosplay though. Yellow jumpsuits are in an upswing right now.
April: You annoying little troll! I am you! Or rather, you are playing me! I'm April O'Neil!

Megan Fox: No way. Wow. What a small world. I thought you'd look a little younger.
April: I could say the same about you. What are you, pushing 34?
Megan Fox: I'm still in my twenties.
April: Not for nothing sweetie, but I'd lay off the Botox.
Megan Fox: I'll take it from someone as wise as you.
April: I can't believe they have you playing me.

Megan Fox: Spare me. I have a movie to shoot.

And just a few steps away...

Shredder: How is this possible? There are two April O'Neils.

Dr. Blight: (groans) That is impossible Shredder. One is an actress. You should read more Us Weekly. Or People. Not those books from the library with the heavy binding.

Shredder: Classical literature is classic for a reason Dr. Blight. Enough with the spy games, why haven't we found Mutagen Man?

Dr. Blight: How should I know? This is all your fault!

Shredder: Come on. We must find him.

Back to the fray...

April: Irma! Let me go!

Irma: Calm down! April, indoor voices outside! You can't just go slugging movie stars!
April: I can when they take my job of playing myself away from me.
Irma: Would you listen to yourself? You are starting to sound like an old toy lady. Like, Miss M in 40 years had she survived the sewer explosion. May she rest in peace. Now come on.

April: Oh you're right Irma. I can't behave like this. Not when we have so much to lose.
Irma: What do you mean?
April: I've been lying to you. Our numbers are still terrible. No amount of good toy interviews is going to save Diary of a Dorkette.

Irma: Surely there is something we can do. April, we can't give up!
April: If I can't come up with an idea to save the Diary, we'll have to sell some of the stock.
Irma: We're a publicly traded company?
April: Yes. You didn't know?
Irma: Umm, no.
April: I don't want to do that though. We have to figure something out...

A few steps away...

Megan Fox: The nerve of some people! Life is so hard being famous. It's like, why me? Ya know?

Sideshow Mel: Sure. Sounds rough. Let's finish this shooting so we can release the movie on time.

Megan Fox: Yeah. (thinks of something) Wait a second. We can change everything.
Sideshow Mel: What are you talking about?

Megan Fox: Listen, April O'Neil is onto something. I need to shadow her. Really get into her head, go all method. Like, who is April O'Neil? I could make this the performance of my career.
Sideshow Mel: It's not that serious of a movie.
Megan Fox: What if it was though? I could deliver an award winning performance. If I shadow her, I could even turn Ninja Turtles into an Oscar worthy contender. I'll be right back.

Sideshow Mel: Le sigh.
Megan Fox: (rushes towards April and Irma) Hey, wait a second! Don't go anywhere.

April: (snaps) Don't even think about suing me bitch!
Megan Fox: I'm not trying to sue anyone. I want to work with you. To consult with you.

Irma: Say what?

Megan Fox: We're still re-shooting certain scenes, because they really suck. I need to deliver a believable performance and the only way I am going to do that is by shadowing you. Let me into your mind. I want to know what it truly means to be April O'Neil.

April: You do?
Megan Fox: Sure. Why not? (whispers to herself) And if it gets me an Oscar, all the more better.
April: Ok. You can follow me around some.

Megan Fox: (shakes on the deal) Great! I'll just pretend that I am the younger you from the past.

April: In that case, you're gonna need to stop with the 100 Units of Botox.

Megan Fox: I'm learning so much already.


Miss M: I can't believe his collection. Bruce Wayne has a collection that rivals my own. This is insane. His Popcorn Pretties also look so fresh and new! (scans over more parts of the secret room) Wait... what is that?

Miss M: O.M.G. That can't be what I think it is. It's a black dragon figurine. Surely that's not the same as the one Maleficent is looking for... Could it be?

Miss M: (gets excited) I have to find a way into that room. Blasted fools! Bruce has the archival room securely locked. This is my only chance though. I must find a way to sneak into Bruce Wayne's Archival Room!

While the thought never occurs to just ask Bruce for a trip into the archival room, Miss M uses her Nancy Drew skills to find a way to break into Bruce Wayne's Archival Room. Will she succeed? Can April O'Neil truly work alongside Megan Fox in a role Ms. Fox was born to snatch from the intrepid reporter? Will Irma get any more soft serve? And just what dastardly things will Maleficent (as Superwoman) do next? Can you scream, "Countdown to the Conference of Evil?" I knew you could. Stick around for more toy melodrama!


  1. When discussing Diary Queen I expected April to say something like "That Blizzard was great up one minute its sweet on my lips, the next minute its clinging to my hips, just like Casey!"

    Speaking of New April, I was doing some shopping for my brother's birthday on Monday, just walking through Wal-Mart I had to go past a big display of Turtles toys, Transformers figures and Doctor Who products. I thought I'd be safe by making a short cut through clothing, but then I ran into the motherload of Nerdy T-Shirts. I have newfound respect for how you're able to manage the thirst for Nerd Merch when theres just so much of it now!

    I half expected 80s April to make a cheap shot about how she couldn't have ruined New April's shot because the only shots she knows have her splayed over a motorcycle, ass in the air.

    Sounds like theres quite a bit of buildup still coming!

  2. Wow Miss M you also have The Simpsons toys, they're so much fun! :)

  3. The Saga continues! And i see you got the new April action figure....How is she? Pretty nice?

  4. Nice figured toy miss M would spot the dragon should be interesting to see if bruce caches her breaking in for it. plus i give it by the next chap and april says nope not going to work and takes another swing at megan. Malicifient will proably not only trash a few more stores but still have to do like toy miss m convince people she is the real mckoy .

  5. So Conference of Evil will forever happen on the same week as Comic Con? I like that. You should keep it going even after this story ends! I didn't know they already had new movie figures out for the Turtles! Well, one thing I like is that Megan Fox is in Banana yellow! I bet the movie is still gonna suck though.