February 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

So the group therapy for the broken hearted has been fabulous. I adore my therapy group so much. Who had any idea that a bunch of lonely folk could make me feel like I truly belong? At least for this moment in my life. But that's not the thing I am really excited about with this group. I have actually been hanging out with a guy from the group. I know Diary! I know! Don't judge me! I had no intention of joining a therapy group and crushing hardcore on one of my group members. But Diary, this is Billy the Blue Power Ranger we're talking about here. We have been having so much fun getting to know each other and he says I'm cute. I have a feeling he is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I mean, could this not be any more better?

-Miss M

Billy: Here we are.
Miss M: Thank you for hanging out today. And for walking me home. You are so incredibly kind.

Billy: No problem, you're a doll. I enjoy hanging out with you. How have you been liking the group?

Miss M: Oh the group is just great. It's nice knowing I'm not alone in matters of the heart.
Billy: Yeah, I hear ya. Are you still going to Vegas in a few days for Sour Grape's love story?

Miss M: Oh yeah, totally. I've got my ticket and everything. Are you going?

Billy: Yes. I wasn't at first, but I have a friend that gave me the hook up on a nice hotel suite. Plus I want to support Sour Grapes. She could be meeting a psycho.
Miss M: I know. It's good that we are all going to be there for her.

Billy: Do you have a hotel room booked yet?

Miss M: Not yet.

Billy: Would you be interested in sharing my room with me?

Miss M: Really?

Billy: Sure. Why not? I like you and we have a lot of fun together. I think it'd be a blast. We could stay up all night, order room service and just gossip about the mess that is Vegas.

Miss M: Wow, that sounds like the perfect night. I love room service.
Billy: Awesome. I'll send you the information later on. I'll let ya go for tonight doll.
Miss M: Bye Billy.

Billy: Bye!

Miss M: Holy cow I'm staying in a hotel room with him. I'm gonna need to dust off my lingerie!

Miss M: (rushes inside her house) April! Are you here yet? April! We need to talk! I need my best girl friend!

Irma: Hey M, April isn't here. What's wrong?
Miss M: Oh thank goodness, listen Irma, we really need to talk.

Irma: Oh. Umm. Look, if this is about Guy Friday and I being really loud at night, I promise we can try to be quiet.
Miss M: What?
Irma: I mean we both have really gotten into this online video game, and it is just a rush.

Miss M: Oh I don't care about that. I need to talk to you about Vegas. I'm going there in a few days and this guy I've been spending time with asked me to share a room with him. In Vegas. Do you know what they say about Vegas? What happens there stays there!
Irma: Unless you get pregnant and then it kinda follows you back.

Miss M: I'm not worried about that. I'm referring to the idea that I think something naughty might go down with me and this guy!
Irma: Wow. Yeah. April really needs to be here for this. It took me months to muster up the strength to kiss Guy Friday. I am so not the person to talk about sex.

Miss M: Well I can't wait months. I like this guy and I want to seize the moment. I'm not getting any younger.
Irma: Who is this guy anyway?
Miss M: Holy cow, he's like a heroic hottie!
Irma: Speaking of that, do you guys even do those interviews anymore?

Miss M: Not until the offices are rebuilt from the fire. Anyways, I am crushing hardcore on Billy the Blue Ranger!
Irma: Hmm. Billy the Blue Ranger. He's the dorky one right?

Miss M: Yes! It's just perfect! I'm a dorkette!
Irma: I feel like there's something I heard once about him.
Miss M: Oh Irma, don't try and ruin this! This guy is perfect in every way.

Irma: Well if he is perfect than that is all we need to know. I'm excited for you M.
Miss M: I know. Now I just need to find a dust rag.

Irma: Ok. Have fun.

Irma: (talks out loud) I just really feel like there's something I've heard about him. If I could just remember what that was...

In another part of town...

Michelangelo: All right babe, well, I gotta get back to this mission we are on. I just wanted to check in and tell you I love you. See ya later babe.

Michelangelo: What?

Raphael: Should we make kissy noises now or just look at you as a pathetic sap?

Michelangelo: Whatever dude.

April: Come on guys, leave Mikey alone. He's married and in love. Now come on, we need to get inside this night club.

Leonardo: April is right.

Donatello: Does anyone else find it odd that the Hall of Justice, once a base for heroes, turned into Arkham Asylum and then shut down after the patients escaped? And now Arkham Asylum is a pop up hot spot club for mutants? Does anyone else have whiplash?

April: I think you are thinking too much into this.

Leonardo: Look guys, it doesn't matter. We need to find answers as to why the mutants in this city are coming up missing. 

She-Dragon: Excuse me, are you on the list?

Leonardo: List? We just want inside the club.

She-Dragon: Well, as cute as you talking turtles are, if you aren't on the list, than you are a nobody. If you are a nobody, well, you have to go somewhere else. Maybe to Bow's Place. I heard they let anyone in there.

Leonardo: Look, that sounds nice and all, but we have pressing business to handle inside that club.

She-Dragon: That sounds a little ominous.

April: Excuse me, I've got this Leo.

April: Hi, pardon my dear friend. I am actually a somebody. I'm April O'Neil. You probably know me from Channel 6 News. I've made yellow jumpsuits a fashion staple. I also own Diary of a Dorkette.

She-Dragon: Oh I know you. Funny, you don't look like Megan Fox. Why did you change your name anyway? Megan Fox was such a better name.

April: Because I am the real April O'Neil. Megan Fox is parading around town as me. I'm the real deal. I'm the somebody! So let us in the damn club!

She-Dragon: Sorry. You aren't on the list.

April: Curse you and your luxurious blonde hair!

She-Dragon: Look, it's really simple. You have to be on the list. Though not for nothing, I'd totally let you in because I think you are cute. (points towards Donatello)

Donatello: Who me?

She-Dragon: Yes. You seem cute.

Donatello: I am actually speechless. That never happens.

Raphael: Oh great. Don't tell me you are turning into a pile of love mush like Mikey.

Michelangelo: I'm right here bro.

Raphael: I know.
Michelangelo: April, I think we need to come up with a better plan.

April: Agreed. Come on guys, we don't need to be in this lousy club anyway.

Leonardo: But our plans...

April: Forget it. We go to Plan B. Come on.

The Turtles and April leave.

She-Dragon: (talks to someone on a wire in her ear) Look, we almost had a close call. The Turtles and April O'Neil tried to step inside. I detracted them, but I don't know what I'll do if they come back...

Inside Arkham Asylum...

Shredder: Curse this entire city! Who knew trying to take over this city would prove so difficult? Rocksteady and Bebop, I need a few things from you.

Bebop: Anything boss man.
Shredder: Wonderful. I saw on my cameras that the Ninja Turtles and that meddling newscaster April O'Neil were trying to get into the club. We can't let that happen again.

Rocksteady: We'll crush the turtles if they show their ugly faces again!

Shredder: I like that. The next order of business is this: people are getting nosy about the disappearance of mutants. Something about mutant lives matter or something. We need to lay off murdering the mutants and synthesizing them into the latest drug. I need something bigger, something better. Something that will deliver a supreme high and allow this city to become putty in my hands.

Bebop: What are your ideas Shredder?
Shredder: I need you both to find ponies.
Bebop: Ponies?

Shredder: Yes. But not just any kind of pony. Dr. Blight and Dr. Badvibes need ponies who are full of friendship and magic. The kind that will make the perfect high. Find them. Lead them to the laboratory so that we can make more drugs. I highly doubt anyone will care when some silly ponies go missing.

Rocksteady: Awesome boss. We'll take care of it.

Bebop: For sure. Magical ponies coming right up.

Shredder: Great. Now go!

Bebop and Rocksteady walk off. Soon Shredder finds himself with a new guest...

Shredder: (sighs) What do you want?

Velvet Sky: I want what any girl in my position wants: protection.
Shredder: From?

Velvet Sky: Hordak. Ever since I dropped his name in court over the murder of Miss M from last year, the authorities have been hot on his trail. As a result he is hot on mine. He wants me dead, I just know it. Since you are becoming quite the warlord in this city, I need your help in staying alive.

Shredder: I have no use for protecting you. You are a mild irritant. Do not become a severe one.

Velvet Sky: How dare you! It was I who helped build you up into the position of power you are currently enjoying. We worked as a team. A vicious team of evil powerhouses!

Shredder: Quit acting like you hold any power. Whatever plans you had from years past mean nothing now. No one is stepping in my way. I am poised to hold the keys to this city. No one knows where Skeletor is. Hordak is on the verge of going to jail. Mumm-Ra is old. The Misfits are busy touring. Megatron seemingly died during the events of Total Darkness. Cobra has lost their fangs. No one else is able to control this city. I have waited for this moment for decades and I will not have some tart wrestler ruin it because she needs protection. You are on your own Velvet Sky.

Velvet Sky: You fool! You will regret this!

Shredder: I doubt it.

Velvet Sky: (walks off) We'll just see about that. Now what am I going to do?

Else where...

Sour Grapes: Crap. I can't sleep. In a matter of just a few days I'll be in Vegas.

Sour Grapes: Will this mysterious man truly be as fantastic as he seems? Or will I need to just place my head in the oven and give up? Am I good enough for him? Will we really have a connection? Can you truly connect with someone from the internet?

Sour Grapes: I should txt him. No I shouldn't. It's later where he is at. But maybe he is up too, and can't sleep...

Sour Grapes: (pulls out phone and texts out loud) Hey. You up? (waits for a response)

Sour Grapes: Oh he is up! Thank goodness. (types and talks out loud) Did you get your tickets to Vegas? It's just a few days now. (waits for a response that never shows up)

Sour Grapes: Maybe he fell asleep. I bet he'll respond tomorrow. I don't need to think too much into this. He is going to be there. He has to be there. (looks off into the night)

Across time and space, in the cosmos!

Jana: Lost in space Lady Kale?

Lady Kale: How could you not get lost in the majesty around us? It's so beautiful. No one can touch it. How is our prisoner?

Jana: She-Ra continues to remain silent about her knowledge of the dead girl named Miss M that came back to life.

Lady Kale: I figured she would. Silly warrior woman. She has know idea just how powerful I am and what I'm capable of. So be it. I shall summon some more help!

Jana: As you wish!

90's villain Helspont appears! It's like a 90's toy villain reunion!

Helspont: You called Lady Kale?
Lady Kale: Ah, my delicious bodacious baddie. It has been awhile since I saw you last.
Helspont: This is true. What is the reason for my being here?

Lady Kale: There has been a blip in the universe. I've been trying to fix it, to understand it, to vanquish it. But I don't know enough.

Helspont: Odd coming from you. I always took you for all-knowing status.
Lady Kale: I am, but magic has been involved.

Jana: A strong magic based from days of old.
Helspont: Interesting.

Lady Kale: Since you have the ability to travel between dimensions easier than I, you must follow my orders. I want you to travel to the After Life. You'll be undetected.

Helspont: What do you want me to do when I arrive there?

Lady Kale: Very simple. Find Maleficent... and bring her to me. Can you do that, my most bodacious baddie?

Helspont: Of course Lady Kale. As you wish it so, it will be done.

February 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

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A Friday the 13th you won't want to miss!