January 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!

Dear Diary,

Group therapy is great! I have been having the time of my life! It feels so good to be around like minded people who have had their hearts broken. It just makes my heart sing. I have a feeling some of my fellow members in the group have far more terrifying ordeals of the heart though. I am not sure I am ready to hear those stories yet. When do things start getting better, or do they have to get a little worse? Or maybe I just need to enjoy the journey and see where it all goes... 

-Miss M

Irma: So, you are in a therapy group with other people who have had their hearts damaged in some way?

Miss M: Yes, and it's so fascinating.

April: Do you think we could get some of them to sit down for an interview?

Miss M: April, I can't exploit these people's lives for a story.

April: I'm just saying!

Miss M: Besides, is Diary of a Dorkette even up and running? I thought the offices burned down in December?

April: They did, but I've been talking with contractors about building new offices now that I am back in control of Diary of a Dorkette.

Irma: Yeah, whatever happened with all that mess with Mila and Megan Fox?

April: I'm not even sure, I just know Mila lost her clout at Channel 6. Bad press isn't always good press.

Miss M: And now you are in the good graces of the network again.

April: Here, here.
Irma: And you two are friends again!

April: We are friends again too Irma. I'm very happy about that. I feel like I'm growing and turning over a new leaf.
Miss M: That's good!

Irma: So, what was space like?
Miss M: Oh yeah. I did go to space a few days ago. It was so strange up there. Did you know that parts of the universe have floating paragraphs that just slowly move across space? I didn't see George Clooney like I hoped I would. I also wonder how She-Ra made out in the battle with Skeletor...
April: Your life is so weird.

Miss M: Yeah, but it's all good. I let Bow know that She-Ra still loves him and I told He-Man and She-Ra's friends that she might need some help. She won't be alone.

April: Well that's nice. I have my own mission to deal with. I'm helping the Turtles investigate the disappearance of all those mutants in the city.
Miss M: Yeah, I heard about that. Pretty scary when you think about it.

April: I know. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of it!
Miss M: I have no doubt. Well, it's been fun girls, but I'm off to group therapy.

Irma: Wow. You go a lot.

Miss M: What can I say? I'm trying to figure it all out.

Later on...

Frankenberry: So what did you do?

Chun Li: I told him that I couldn't continue dating him if he was going to put his hair products before me.

Frankenberry: Well I'm sure that didn't end well...

Chun Li: No. (sobs) He chose his hair over me.

Miss M: No! That's awful!

Chun Li: I know, right?

Miss M: Wow. (looks over at a newcomer) Double wow. Billy the Blue Ranger!

Billy: Sorry I'm late Frankenberry.

Frankenberry: It's all right. Group, say hello to Billy. He's been a part of the group for awhile now, but comes and goes as he sees fit. I take it you are single again?

Billy: Yeah, didn't work out.
Frankenberry: There's always next time.

Miss M: Holy cow. A real life Power Ranger is in the group! He is so much cuter in person. Can you believe this Glimmer?

Glimmer: (in a daze) When are we going to talk about our club drug use?

Miss M: Sweetie, that's not what this group is about.

Glimmer: Wait. Like, where am I?

Miss M: Glimmer, this is for broken hearts.

Glimmer: (sighs) My heart is forever broken.

Miss M: Oh Glimmer.

Frankenberry: Ok, anyone else have anything they want to share before break?

Bishop: I think Sour Grapes needs to share her plans for February.

Sour Grapes: Oh, I'm ok.

Bishop: No, you have been wanting to talk about it for awhile now. We're here to listen!

Sour Grapes: I don't know.

Miss M: What's going on?
Bishop: Sour Grapes was dealt a rough deal but that's all about to change.

Miss M: I don't understand. Your heart was broken?

Sour Grapes: Yes. I know it might be hard to believe, but I was beautiful once. And married too. I've known love and have had my heart broken.

Miss M: Oh, I totally believe that. I just didn't think you cared about those things.

Sour Grapes: I care a great deal.

Frankenberry: Maybe you should share your story Sour Grapes. It's been awhile.

Sour Grapes: Fine. I turn 50 next month and I'm meeting someone I've never met in person but I've known him for decades, since I was 19. He's a dear friend I met in a cooking chat room ages ago. We became pen pals over our shared zest for cooking and baking. His pen name was JustInThyme and mine was Cele.S. It was short for celery stick. I had a brief affair with the vegetable and some experimental desserts. Either way, my pen pal became an important part of my life.

Miss M: So, why are you just now planning on meeting him?

Sour Grapes: Because my dear dorkette, I went and got married in my mid twenties, thus making one of the biggest mistakes of my life. No one ever tells you the true pitfalls of love; that it all seems like sunshine and rainbows, but it is not like that. You have to truly know the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with and I sadly did not know my ex husband.

Miss M: I'm so sorry to hear that.

Sour Grapes: We were married for decades. It was a dream come true. I was never a popular girl. You must understand, I might have had a sour attitude in life, but I always wanted true love. And I thought I had that with my ex husband. We seemed so happy at first. There were problems of course. Those problems surfaced like premature bubbles on a Crème Brûlée. He lied to me. About who he was and who he wanted to be. What he wanted was a life and identity that did not fit with me. I was devastated. You see, I loved this man. And I would have stood by him no matter what changes he went through. I would have been his friend, held his hand, and been there for him. But why marry me? Why rob me of decades of life I could have had with someone who truly wanted me? Do you have any idea what I have lost? Do you?

Miss M: N-N-o. I'm so sorry.

Sour Grapes: I'm an old childless and barren woman. For the last number of years I have tried to find love, to find that one person who truly understands me. I don't want to grow old and alone.

Bishop: Which is where the magic really begins.

Sour Grapes: Yes. My cooking pen pal friend from the Interwebs... he made a deal with me a few years ago. The deal was simple, if I could not find my true love and experience a true love's kiss before my 50th birthday, he would meet me in Las Vegas for our first time to meet. And upon our first meeting, if our connection was as real in person as it as been for all these years over letters and calls, we'd get married.

Miss M: Oh wow. You turn 50 in February!

Sour Grapes: I know! I have my plane ticket bought and everything. I don't know what I'm doing. Can I really do this?

Miss M: Oh my goodness, you must! This is the chance of a life time! This is your love story!

Sour Grapes: I'm so scared. I don't know what I'm doing.

Miss M: You're taking a risk and I think you should do it.

Sour Grapes: I feel an energy with you right now. You seem so sweet.

Miss M: Thank you! I must say, you are nothing at all who I thought you'd be.

Sour Grapes: Thank you. I truly am not as evil as I seem.

Frankenberry: And on that note, I think we need a break. All right group, be back in about ten.

Miss M: Glimmer, do you need some water?

Glimmer: I think so. I'm going to head to the restroom.

Miss M: Ok, we'll catch up later.

Glimmer: For sure.

Billy: Hey, I don't think we've met. I'm...
Miss M: Billy. I know who you are. You were a few years older than me and went to the high school down the street from mine. I'm Miss M, and I just started attending these groups.

Billy: Cool. It's been awhile since I've been here. You're really cute.

Miss M: (heart beats super fast) I think I might faint.

Billy: Are you ok? Do you need some water?
Miss M: Maybe.

Billy: Sure thing doll. I'll be back.

Miss M: Holy cow. I think the Blue Power Ranger is flirting with me.

Sour Grapes: M? Do you have a minute?
Miss M: Oh, hi! Sure!
Sour Grapes: I was wondering if you were free in the next few weeks?

Miss M: For what?
Sour Grapes: I'd love for you to go with me to Vegas.
Miss M: Excuse me?

Sour Grapes: I know this must sound insane, but I feel a strange connection to you. And I don't have many girl friends. I'm petrified at going to Vegas to meet a man I've never met but I've known since I was 19.

Miss M: And you might be marrying him!
Sour Grapes: Exactly.
Miss M: Well... why not? I'm a sucker for love. Yes, I'll go to Vegas with you!

Sour Grapes: Oh Miss M, thank you so much.

Miss M: Sure! What's the craziest thing that could possibly go wrong?

January 2015 Woman of Wonderosity!

Meanwhile, in space...

She-Ra: How long have we been battling?

Skeletor: I've lost count of time.

She-Ra: We can't keep doing this.

Skeletor: Join me She-Ra. Forget your honor and everything you believe in, succumb to evil and help me take over the universe.

She-Ra: Never!

Lady Kale: (suddenly appears) No one will be taking over the universe, at least as long as I'm alive.

Skeletor: Who dares to interrupt a monologue by me, Skeletor?!

Lady Kale: I think you need to be quiet.

Skeletor is silenced by the sheer magic of Lady Kale.

Skeletor: .... (falls over)

She-Ra: What have you done to him?

Lady Kale: I simply shut him up.

She-Ra: Who are you?

Lady Kale: You may be the most powerful woman in the universe, but I am the universe. I see and know all. And I know that you are friends with a woman that I wish to know more about.
She-Ra: I know a lot of women.

Lady Kale: There is an order to the universe. A natural order. Some recent disorder unfolded when a woman from Earth was killed and then somehow her energy signature returned, and not as some brain hungry zombie. Magic was used in bringing this person back to life and it breaks numerous laws of the universe. For that, her, and anyone who tries to protect her will have to answer to me.

She-Ra: (feels nervous) I see.

Lady Kale: I'm glad you can see. Now tell me She-Ra, tell me everything you know about Miss M...

Up Next!

The month of love begins as all kinds of various stories unfold!