Saturday, June 20, 2015

June 2015 Bodacious Baddie! Plus Bonuses!

Dear Diary:

Something happened recently. I took a trip down memory lane with April O'Neil and we recounted our crazy days in high school, but meanwhile time has just slipped on by! Now enough of the gross out memories of our youth. We have a show to do! So let's find out what's been going on these last number of weeks.

-Miss M

Irma: Holy cow. Holy cow. Guy Friday, we are so dead.
Guy Friday: It's ok Irma. We haven't completely destroyed this office. We'll figure it out.

Irma: How are we going to figure it out? How have we not doomed the offices of Diary of a Dorkette to the clearance bin? Do you know how many deadlines we've missed? How many interviews have slipped by? Where the heck is April?

April: What a refreshing day! I brought coffee and donuts for everyone! They're in the car, so someone go get them.

Irma: Look who decides to finally show up to work!

April: Girl, you better watch that tongue, I run this place.

Miss M: Hey Irma and Guy Friday! How has the office been? The donuts also look really good.

Irma: We'll go nuts for donuts another time! Am I in the Twilight Zone? Was I abducted by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne? Where have you two been?!

Guy Friday: Yeah, it's been hectic around here. Plus, someone should really get the donuts out of your car. That could become a mess. Just saying.

April: Oh come on, it was only a few days.

Guy Friday: More like a month.

Miss M: Sorry y'all. We just got caught up reminiscing about our days in high school. I so miss Contempo Casuals. Although looking back, I am never ever dating a green man again. I have bad luck with guys who are green. Toxie. Michelangelo. That one time in college when the Hulk and I were friends with benefits...

April: Oh here we go. Anyways, we're at the office now. I take it you were able to secure interviews for our Heroic Hotties, Bodacious Baddies,and Women of Wonderosities or whatever we're calling it? Please tell me you got us an interview with that new super hero going by the name WoW.

Irma: No! I haven't been able to find this WoW person. She has been in hiding or something.

Miss M: Or maybe she was just busy remembering high school... (wink!)

April: What was that?

Miss M: Nothing. So if you weren't able to talk to WoW who did you get to talk to?

Irma: Well it all started with a trip to this old tennis shoe factory. I heard there was a massive sale on old Reebok shoes. Ya know, the colorful ones...

Irma: Hello, can anyone tell me where I could find some colorful Reeboks?

Irma: Maybe I wrote the wrong address down. This place doesn't really look like a shoe warehouse.
Irma: I mean the service just leaves a lot to be desired.

Irma: Excuse me, do you work here?

Ultron: Set me free, will you?

Irma: I'm just looking for Reeboks.

Ultron: You silly humans and your footwear. Yet another reason you should all be wiped from this world.

Ultron: I'm terrible sorry. That sounded rude. Would you please free me from these strings?

Irma: Hey! You sound evil. Care to sit for an interview for a toy blog?

Ultron: Ha. Humans and your blogs. The wonders of technology are limitless and yet feeble humans wish to share their minute views and countless pictures for what reason?

Irma: Well some people like pictures. Plus how else will those who can't attend San Diego Comic Con find out about upcoming toys?

Ultron: (feels a string begin to unravel) I like plotting the end of the human race.

Irma: You sound familiar. Where have I heard that voice before?

Ultron: (unravels more string) While perusing the internet and coming into my own, I found a voice that just seemed to suit me. His is the voice of James Spader.

Irma: Oh yeah! That got from TV!

Ultron: He is more than just a television star! He is a legend of screen both small and large!

Ultron: He is the star of the greatest movie ever made: Pretty in Pink.

Ultron: (unravels more string) And when I'm free from this string, and the human race is cowering at my feet, I will find James Spader and together we will rule this world. His humanity is the only one I wish to endure.

Ultron: Now, there are no strings on me. 
Irma: Oh you are most definitely going to be the...

May 2015 Bodacious Baddie! Bonus!

Ultron: Ah! To be free!

Ultron: Now to find James Spader and my dreams will come true!

Ultron: Wait. Bodacious Baddie? I don't even know what that means.

Irma: Well it's just what we call the interviews when my colleagues and I talk to maniacal villains. So for the sake of this interview, were you always evil or has this been a recent development?

Ultron: I am not evil. My intentions come from the purest of places. If we are going to talk real.

Suddenly, from above!

Vision: Nothing can be pure when death and destruction are involved.

Ultron: You! You will not stop me this time.
Vision: I will. The future of this world will depend upon it.

Ultron: I created you and this is how you treat me?

Irma: So who are you? You seem so, so, dreamy...

Vision: I go by the Vision. I am a member of the Avengers.

Vision: It is nice to meet you.

Irma: Oh wow. You're touching my hand. We're both wearing green, yellow, and red. I think it's meant to be. So, would you want to be interviewed for the May 2015 Heroic Hottie spot?

Vision: I'm not sure I can fulfill that role.

Irma: Oh I am sure you can! You're, like, really hot.

Ultron: Enough of this! James Spader awaits!

Ultron: Know your place, at my feet, as my servant! Both of you!

Irma: You guys really need some family therapy. I know a great therapist. And when you've worked things out, call me. I think you'd make a total hunk of a...

May 2015 Heroic Hottie! Bonus!

April: Those didn't sound like interviews! You mean to tell me you met two incredibly popular characters from the Marvel universe and instead of securing a proper interview, you sent them to a family therapist?
Irma: They had some serious issues ok?

Guy Friday: Wait, you did tell that Vision guy you had a boyfriend right?
Irma: Umm... yeah.

April: Ok, so who is on tap for this month?

Irma: Well, that's the problem. We haven't really secured anyone. I'm still trying to find the WoW hero.

Guy Friday: Are we sure this hero isn't into World of Warcraft? Maybe that's what the WoW is meant to stand for, she could just be a gamer.

Miss M: No guys. I don't think that's it.

Irma: How do you know? Are you personal friends with her or something?

Miss M: Guys, I have something to tell you all. Something I've been wanting to confess for awhile now. I'm her. I'm WoW.
April: What?

Guy Friday: Nah. That doesn't make any sense.

Irma: Yeah, why would you even say that?

April: Come on M, that's even crazy for you. You don't like to run unless it's to a sale. How are you supposed to be a hero? That involves running. And jumping. And punching. Maybe even kicking if you know how to do it right. I don't think you are capable of any of that.

Miss M: Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it's true! I am WoW! I helped take down Shredder and the whole Plastic drug thing.

April: Oh crap! That reminds me! Now that this WoW hero has been cleaning up the streets, there has been a shortage of villains, which makes me worried. With crime going down, there will be no need for heroes and with no bad guys or heroes what will that mean for our features?

Miss M: Well bad guys have hardly taken a break and there will always be a need for a hero, and I am totally down for being interviewed as WoW!

April: Oh Miss M, you are so funny. Come on crew, we need to figure out who we need to interview this month. Someone try to find out the identity of this WoW person.

Miss M: But! I'm not lying!

April: All right. Sure thing. Let's get to work people.

Miss M: Ugh. I'm going on a break.
Irma: But you just got here!

Miss M: I'm also looking for interviews and I'm taking the donuts with me! See ya.

Irma: What's her problem?
April: She's probably just being heartbroken that some toxic mutated guy never stuck around for her when we were teens.

Irma: What kind of high school memories did you guys relive?

Miss M: (on wireless phone call form her ear) Hey Billy, it's me M. Where have you been? I haven't seen you in months. I know you found some guy and are probably in a sexy vacation getaway right now, but call me. I need to talk to a friend. Take care!

Bruce Wayne: Who's Billy?
Miss M: Holy butter sticks are you stalking me or something?
Bruce Wayne: No. I was on my way to see you at your office, and I saw you walking out. You looked like you were talking to yourself, I didn't realize you were on the phone.
Miss M: Well I was.

Bruce Wayne: Is Billy someone you are dating?

Miss M: Billy is gay. He wouldn't date me if we were the last two people on the Earth and needed some. We are just really good friends. And for the record, not that it's any of your bee's wax, but I have a few dates lined up.

Bruce Wayne: Ya know, you don't have to waste your time. You could give me another chance.
Miss M: Bruce, stop being desperate. This just makes you look like a rich sociopath.

Bruce Wayne: Look, there is nothing going on between Selina Kyle and myself. You know I care for you.

Miss M: Yeah, well I've been busy finding myself. And I've been doing a kick-ass job of it too. I'm the new super hero in town.

Bruce Wayne: You're WoW?
Miss M: Yes. I am.

Bruce Wayne: I almost believe you, but WoW's head is smaller than yours. It's just not physically possible.

Miss M: Ugh. Oh come on! Really?

Miss M: You come in like billions of different sizes and styles. Why can't I too?

Bruce Wayne: Hey, wait a second. You are being ridiculous!

Miss M: You all need to get your lives. I'm out of here. He-Man finally found his sister from a space mission gone wrong and I need to see how she has been doing.

Bruce Wayne: Wait, what did I say?

Else where...

Billy: So I really need to contact my friends. I've trusted you on this whole wild thing so far, but you never said I'd be unable to call my friends.
Sulu: I know, but we have a few more things to take care of. No one can know where you are right now. Not until we've finished everything.

Billy: Let me understand this. You are from the past but traveled to the future. And in the future we fall madly in love but a force of pure evil takes apart this world piece by piece. All because my dear friend Miss M died and came back to life? To top it all off, I am die a terrible death in the future and you are having me help you in the present to make sure my death can be reversed. Am I missing anything?
Sulu: Yes. You are.
Billy: What could I possibly be missing?

Sulu: This force of evil, she can rewrite the laws of physics and everything we know. She can erase people as if they never existed. Once that happens she finds someone else to fill in that place. Memories and entire lives are recreated and no one knows.

Billy: How do you know then?
Sulu: Her misdeeds come to light in the future. However in the future it is too late. There are too many people gone.
Billy: This is crazy. So there are people we have lost and don't even know.

Sulu: Yes. Most notably a sister of the muscle man in town. He is the most powerful man in the universe.
Billy: You mean He-Man?

Sulu: Yes. From what is revealed in the future, the current sister of He-Man was not his original sister. But his original sister has been wiped from the universe...

Across town...

Miss M: Can you believe that? I know I geek out over a flash sale at the mall, but that doesn't mean I can't be a super hero either. Don't let these pink boots fool ya, they are made for walkin and they will walk all over you! It just bothers me that no one believes that I'm WoW. Ya know?

Wonder Girl: Yeah. Totally got ya, but I also don't really care.
Miss M: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. It's just that when He-Man said he found you, I just wanted to say hi and see how my friend has been.

Wonder Girl: I'm not your friend.

Miss M: What? Are you mad at me? Is this about when we were in space and I left you alone with Skeletor? What happened to you up there?

Wonder Girl: We have never been friends. You are just a silly fangirl that follows me around like a crazed loser with nothing else to do. I've simply allowed it because I felt sorry for you. But make no mistake, we are not friends. I am a strong willed hero of royal birth and you are but a meek pale dork girl with an obsession for heroes and toys. If we were on the Titanic, you wouldn't even be in the 3rd class lodging.

Miss M: (looks sad) Well where would I be? There's nothing after 3rd class.

Wonder Girl: Why are you here?
Miss M: (ignores Wonder Girl) Would I actually be... gasp... 4th class? What does that even mean?!

Wonder Girl: I don't know and I don't care. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend to.

Miss M: Ok. Well. Bye. (Miss M walks off)

Wonder Girl: Good. I thought that 4th class loser would never leave...

Miss M: Hey Teela.

Teela: Hey. What's wrong? You look sad.

Miss M: I just saw Wonder Girl. I was so excited when He-Man said he had found his sister, but it's like everything I thought I knew was a lie. I thought she and I were friends. She called me 4th class.

Teela: I'm so sorry M. I don't know what happened to her, but ever since we found Wonder Girl and she returned from space... she's just never been the same...

In more frightful areas...

Hordak: I hate the news. Every time I turn a page the news is reminding me of all the evil villains getting captured in this town.

Hordak: The attendance for this year's Conference of Evil will probably be very low. Pretty soon it'll just be me.

Wonder Girl: And me.

Hordak: Who are you?

Wonder Girl: You don't know who I am? You can't recognize me from the papers?
Hordak: Ah, you're a royal. From the House of Randor. So tell me, why is the daughter of the great King Randor interested in talking to me?

Wonder Girl: I know you're Horde has had problems with my family before, but I am here to make an offer.

Hordak: What kind of offer could tempt me from the likes of you?

Wonder Girl: I was born into a world of wealth and privilege the likes most people will never understand. But I was shielded from so much. I was the girl. The daughter. The princess. My brother was able to live his life, to make his own way. He got to become the most powerful man in the universe. But what of me? Am I not strong? Am I not my own hero? No one in my family takes me serious. I was always meant to be quiet. To sit and look pretty. Not anymore.

Wonder Girl: I want to join forces with you Hordak. To take down the world around us, to bring the Horde to its former glory.

Hordak: You want to stick it to your parents for favoring your brother over you. I don't have time for petty family dramas.

She caresses his arm canon.

Wonder Girl: This is more than just a petty family drama. This is my chance to leave my mark on the world. And I want that mark to burn everything to the ground.

Hordak: There it is. There's that spark. Now I'm listening...

June 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

Billy: Ok. I am getting it. I don't know exactly why I am choosing to believe you, but I am.

Sulu: Because you can feel it.

Billy: Feel what?

Sulu: Our connection. In the future, before you died, you always told me that you follow your heart. And I know that's what you are doing now.

Billy: I do follow my heart. I don't readily admit that to just anyone. But I do. So what do we do next? How do we prevent my untimely death in the future?

Sulu: Well according to my notes our next quest involves stopping He-Man's sister at all costs before she teams up with Hordak and opens the path for evil to reign across this entire planet.

Billy: Great. That sounds easy enough. Not.

To be continued!


  1. WAIT A MINUTE, first things first! James Spader is sooo NOT the star of Pretty in Pink!! Jon Cryer is!!!

    Secondly, I want to hear about M's college mishaps being friends with benefits with Bruce Banner!

    Thirdly: Avengers age of Ultron was awesome, and I'm glad you gave it a nod here with Ultron and Vision.

    Fourthly: You had better start looking for a Deadpool figure now, because the Deadpool movie is coming out next February, and if you don't make Wade Wilson the heroic Hottie for that month, I may actually have to stop reading this blog! ( just kidding, I will never stop reading this blog, but I will still feel obligated to deliver some kind of a punishment to you. I vote for a spanking. But wait..that would make me WANT you to fail to deliver a Deadpool heroic hottie feature, just so I could deliver the punishment! Damn! Now I'm all conflicted!)

    Fifthly: Billy and Sulu : PERFET COMBO!!

  2. holly buckets. even when she comes clean toy miss m comes off as lieing. plus love wonder girl turning into huntra . should be interesting to see how billy and sulu manage to try and prevent the dark future from happening. plus given toy miss m love of green guys was wondering if there was ever a possiblity the hulk would wind up another mark in her book.