Miss M Presents: Toys and Troma Part 2!

The tribute to Troma and the Toxic Crusaders toy line was so big it had to be split into two parts! Here's the grody stuff you missed... While looking back at their brief time at Tromaville High during their junior year, April O'Neil and Miss M embarked on their first day at Nuke 'Em High. There they met April's cousin Wheeler and a gang of mean teens who want nothing more than to destroy Miss M for her dorky ways. While about to have her behind handed to her, Miss M met her soulmate Toxie. He quickly helped save the day, and with a little help from his friends, got Miss M to join the Toxic Crusaders to stop the new mysterious school principal Dr. Killemoff! The vile Killemoff (that's Dr. Killemoff!) is poisoning the school lunches with radioactive waste. But for what reason? Will April find her missing father? Can Wheeler, who now goes by Bonehead following a gruesome face lift by Psycho, truly be saved? And what will become of the star crossed lovers Toxie and Miss M? Find out in the riveting conclusion!

Tromaville

199?

It's just another regular day at Tromaville High...

The loud speaker buzzes, announcing its dominance among the halls of the school...

Dr. Killemoff: Attention students of Tromaville High, tonight is the school dance. Weapons, drugs, and sexual paraphernalia are strictly prohibited unless you have a note from the school nurse. There will be refreshments provided by Mayor Max Grody, so come with a thirst and appetite. It'd be rude to not imbibe in the generosity of our mayor. He is helping to make sure that all the Tromaville High students have a bright future! Have a shining day.

April: You are full of lies and deceit! Lies! And deceit!
Dr. Killemoff: You just can't shut up can you?

April: You aren't getting away with this.

Dr. Killemoff: Of course I will. It's all so simple. You Earthlings are feeble...
April: Earthlings? Where are you from? Just who are you?!

Dr. Killemoff: You can't even begin to know who I am. I can assure you, I'm getting away with it all. Now, we just need to find your miserable friend...

The hallways are a buzz with social activity common for teens from 199?

Lady Death: I hate this school. It's so boring. We should mutate one of the squirrels outside for fun.
Purgatori: Yeah! We could get it to destroy the school! Or we could just have it gnaw on that little dork girl.
Evil Ernie: And that toxic freak that helped her.

Lady Demon: They aren't getting away with what they did to us. My mouth still tastes like a toilet after that disgusting toxic turd stain used that mop on me.

Purgatori: So what do we do? Hmm Lady Death, our fearless leader?

Lady Death: Oh I love a night of villainy, so let's start there. Let's murder the dork girl and sacrifice her soul to a demon! Or we could just go to the dance and cause a ruckus.
Purgatori: The dork girl will probably be there.

Lady Death: Snap to it! I suppose we are going to the dance tonight?

Evil Ernie: Eh. Why not? It's either that or I smoke some and pop the bubbles in my gut.

Purgatori: I want to give that dork girl a night she'll never forget.

Lady Demon: Yeah! That ugly loser dork girl has it coming. Where is she anyway?
Purgatori: Probably trembling in a puddle of her own pee. Ha. She's such a loser.

Lady Death: Listen up! We need to go to this dance tonight. Something tells me Purgatori is right. That dork girl looks like the type that would show up for love and la la dancing. Ugh. Disgusting.

Evil Ernie: Yeah. And when we see her tonight, we'll get her.

Lady Death: Definitely. And when we're done with her, no one will want her. Not even Toxie and that dumb wonky eye.

The mean hyper developed teens laugh at their drawn out devious plans for the evening. Meanwhile, Miss M and Toxie grow closer across town...

Miss M: I really don't understand this plan.
Toxie: It will make sense as it goes along. We go at night during the dance. We'll hide in a large Trojan box of condoms, no one will suspect us as we sneak in.
Miss M: How is it that people keep buying things in bulk around here?

Toxie: For better or worse, Tromaville finally got a Sams.
Miss M: Who is Sam?

Toxie: It's a large place that marks the fall of civilization. I'll take you there one day. It'll be a cool date.
Miss M: Yeah. Sounds like a blast. I just hope April is ok.
Toxie: You two are close eh?

Miss M: Yes. We truly are the best of friends. She wants to be a journalist one day and deliver hard hitting news to people from all over the world. She'll probably win a Nobel Peace prize or something. What do you want to do with your life Toxie?
Toxie: I don't know. Protect the world. Save the environment. Squash the bad.

Miss M: Anything else? The world isn't going to always be in danger.
Toxie: As long as there are polluters on this planet, Earth will always be in danger.
Miss M: That makes sense.

Toxie: However, if I could, I'd love to be a janitor at a gym. These biceps won't work themselves up on their own ya know?
Miss M: I do love your biceps. They're so green and bubbly. But firm!

Toxie: What about you?
Miss M: I don't go to the gym. I watch soap operas.

Toxie: No, I mean for your future.
Miss M: I want to work at Contempo Casuals forever. Mostly for the discount, but also because I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a year left of high school to figure it all out and nothing makes sense. April's lucky. She knows what her future path will be. I have no clue.

Miss M: I think that's why I'm always wanting a boyfriend. I want to have that one person that will be my sidekick so neither of us will ever be alone. April will leave one day, and I don't want to be in this life alone. Plus it's really fun to make out with a guy.

Toxie: That sounds really sad. Have no fear though, you are never going to be alone, not as long as I'm here. Plus, making out with you is not too shabby.

Miss M: Oh Toxie! Can we really have it all?

Toxie: Of course we can. Now come on, there's a dance we need to prepare for. Let's round up the Toxic Crusaders and go over the plans for tonight one last time...

Back at the school...

Sister Areala: You must understand, something has happened to the children. The youth group at our church have not shown up for their meetings! I fear something has happened. Something dastardly evil!

Psycho: But Sister, what can I do? That is all I ask. I am helping to run a school. We have numerous students, I can't keep up with them all.

Sister Areala: I've given you their names though! They're good wholesome teens! Certainly I can be led to their lockers or other such avenues to which I could find out what has happened to them. You don't need to trouble yourself at all.

Psycho: Listen Sis, how do I even know you are a nun? You don't look like a nun. For all I know you could be a twisted pervert trying to offer candy laced with razors to these teens. We have a dance that the school is preparing for. Do you understand the mayhem that could unfold if the school is not on guard? The walls could end up dripping with various bodily fluids.

Psycho: It's a rather busy time right now. How about you try back never? Hmm?

Sister Areala: What is wrong with this world? Why can't anyone think of the children?

Psycho: I don't know, I didn't make the rules sis.

Sister Areala: That rather large man is obnoxious and he smells of fried vittles. "Walls dripping bodily fluids." What does that even mean? What kind of school is this? I'll find the teens myself!

As night falls, the dance begins!

Inside the cafeteria, a glittery disco ball shines with the color of blood over the students.

Quistis: I just feel like my stems are not laying right. I put plenty of green goo gel to get my hair just right. Nothing is working!

Selphie: I know. Hair dilemmas are such a joke, but like screw it, let's take a Selphie.

Quistis: What's that?
Selphie: It's where we use our throwaway cameras to take pictures of ourselves posing, without the help of others!

Quistis: That sounds like a gamble.

Selphie: Trust me, I just know it will catch on one day.

Hannah: Hey Jack. Good news. That squirrel we hit with your Cadillac is on the mend. I've been feeding him the cafeteria food. He's actually growing!

Jack: Whew! That's a relief.

Psycho: Would you like some food? How about you? There's plenty!

Psycho: Come on students! Be sure to have refreshments!

Princess Whats-Her-Name: This punch tastes like caca.

Psycho: Oh just drink it and shut up!

Psycho: Ah! Dr. Bender! Fender! Where have you two been? You ditched your classes today and your substitute teacher has been missing.

Dr. Bender: Sorry, we were a bit under the weather. Fender slept with a jellyfish last night and may have caught something.
Fender: Dude, it was not like that! That's not helping us get girlfriends!

Psycho: I don't care, just find more supplies of Toxic Waste. We are running low on refreshments and the students need more waste. Er, I mean snacks.

Dr. Bender: Right. We'll get to that.
Fender: Totally.

Psycho: Ugh, those two are idiots.

Psycho: Ah! Major Disaster. You've become a major disappointment. The school dance has needed chaperones, and much like Dr. Bender and his conjoined oaf, you have been missing. Everything all right?

Major Disaster: Couldn't be better! I was simply stopping to smell the flowers and got sidetracked. I'm here now and ready to chaperone these semi-grown monsters.

Psycho: Perfect. Make sure they are eating plenty. I shall return shortly.

Major Disaster: (buzzes in to the Toxic Crusaders) All right guys, we are low on lard, I repeat we are low on lard. The operation is blooming beautifully!

Toxie: Great, Psycho is busy. Now we wait. I'd offer you some refreshments, but ya know, they're poisoned.

Miss M: I know. Thanks for being a gentleman. This night kinda blows. It's a dance! Teens are being poisoned by waste. I can't find my friend. And I'm wearing the same basic dress I've been in since I got to this town.

Toxie: (walks around to take her all in) I think you look dazzling.
Miss M: Thanks Toxie. You look dreamy as ever. I really need to find April. I just hope they don't play any good songs. I'd hate to miss a dance.

Toxie: If a good song comes on, just look for me. I'm not good at dancing, but I'd follow you anywhere.
Miss M: Cool. Ok. Here goes nothing, I'm going in.

Toxie: Don't go far.

Miss M: I'll be fine, I promise.

Toxie: Just scream my name and I'll be there.

Miss M makes the rounds looking for April...

Miss M: Hi, I don't mean to interrupt, but I was wondering if you've seen April O'Neil?

Quistis: Sorry, I don't know who that is. But while you are talking to us, how do my stems look?
Miss M: Better than Cher in Clueless.

Miss M: Hey, kinky cool outfit! Have you seen my friend April or her cousin Wheeler?

Lord Humungus: Umm no. Do you like to be gagged?

Miss M: No. I panic when anything is covering my mouth. Good luck on your search for the perfect gag though!

Miss M: Ok guys, one more time. Have either of you seen my friend April? New girl. Red hair?

Ren: I have! But where? An open umbrella? If only I could remember. We need beef.

Stimpy: My tongue. Ren?! What has happened to my tongue?

Miss M: Umm. I'm gonna just walk. Away.

Evil Ernie: Well if it isn't little miss dork girl.
Miss M: Look, I don't want any trouble. I just have to scream for Toxie, and you're toast.

Evil Ernie: You deserve everything that's coming to you. I'm gonna love ripping you up.

Miss M: Really? That's the best you can muster? I'm not a piece of wide ruled paper ya know. You will never rip me up!

M fights Evil Ernie off as if it were just the two of them...

Miss M: I'm in charge of what happens to me!
Evil Ernie: Come on, just be the bubble in my gut already...

Miss M: Listen dick snot! I've had it! No more! I'm no longer going to put up with this poorly written crap! (Miss M kicks him hard, like, real hard)

Evil Ernie: You just kicked me in the dick!
Miss M: And I'll hurt you even more if you dare put a bony finger near me.

Back to life! Back to reality!

Lady Death: What's going on here? She's like spacing out. I think she's talking to herself! Haha. How lame!

Miss M: Oh no. I was daydreaming again.

Lady Death: Come on, let's hurt her real good.

Miss M: TOXIE!

April: Why are you doing this?! And what's that vial over there?
Dr. Killemoff: That is none of your business. Stop asking so many questions!

Dr. Bender: Hello Killemoff!

Dr. Killemoff: For the love of climate change, that's Dr. Killemoff! Why can't anyone remember this!?

April: Because you aren't a real doctor!

Dun-dun-duuuun!!

Dr. Killemoff: Shut up! Dr. Bender, have you been emptying out the toxic waste?

Dr. Bender: (lies) Yes, I have. Fender and I have been following your orders. Now, why don't we discuss what happens next. What's your end goal Killem- I mean, Dr. Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: Why are you aiming a gun at me? Oh it makes no difference, the plan is simple...

April manages to switch a button that turns the intercom on, broadcasting Dr. Killemoff's voice throughout the whole school.

Miss M: Leave me alone! Toxie thank goodness!
Toxie: You ok?

Miss M: We're starting to get outnumbered.

Toxie: Wait, Dr. Killemoff is speaking...

The crowd quiets down as they listen to the good doctor...

Dr. Killemoff: These teens are stupid. My plan has been going along smoothly ever sense I arrived here from Smogula.

Fender: Smogula? Is that in New Jersey?

Dr. Killemoff: No you fool. Smogula is my home planet. I am not from this world. Smogula is a polluted paradise that my kind thrives in. However our numbers have multiplied and I've been charged with finding an extra place to create a Smogula 2! That's what this is all about. I'm trying to infect Earth with my toxicity. Along with the help of Mayor Max Grody, I've been utilizing the toxic resources of Tromaville to create the perfect living conditions for Smogulans.

Quistis: Is this happening live? Why is Dr. Killemoff saying all this?

Major Disaster: He's evil kiddo.

Dr. Bender: Why poison the school cafeteria food though?

Dr. Killemoff: Why not? The youth of this planet are the only hope for ecological survival, but how will they ever care if their brains are being diminished by toxic waste infused food? By poisoning the students in this city and dumbing them down, they won't care about fighting for the future of their planet. They're only concerned with fornicating, rock music, drugs, and video games.

Fender: Dude, that's so wrong!

Dr. Killemoff: Shut up oaf! I'm poisoning the world around me so that no one will be able to fight for what they love most when the Smogulans take it over.

April: I wouldn't get too excited. The whole school just heard you, the intercom is on moron.

Dr. Killemoff: What? How? Impossible!

Psycho: (jumps up into the room) Oh no! It's happening. My vision!

April: I'm through with this! I just wanted to find my dad, not be involved in this mess!

Dr. Killemoff: Psycho! Hand me the vial of super synthesized toxic waste and inject it into that red headed scatty McGee!

Killemoff: Wonderful! Thank you.

April: No! What does that do?!

Dr. Bender: Fender! Do something!
Fender: Must save cute girl! (Fender jumps in harm's way)

Dr. Killemoff: Fools!

April: Ooph.

Killemoff: This wasn't meant for you conjoined bumbling boobs!

Psycho: Oh no. What did I do? How could I let this vision happen?

Dr. Bender: Fender, I feel odd.
Fender: Me too.

April: What is happening to them?!

April: They've passed out! Oh no! Do something!

Dr. Killemoff: They are evolving into the next stage of toxic waste mutation! They are becoming a killing machine...

Down below, chaos breaks out as the student body realizes they've been pawns.

Radiation Ranger: Calm down students. Return to your homes. The dance is over!

Evil Ernie: Man, screw you!

Lady Death: Down with this school! Let's burn it to the ground!

Toxie: All right gang, we need to stop this.

Toxie: Are you all ready for your positions? Toxic Crusaders come together! Right now!

No-Zone: What are we doing again?
Toxie: Really?
No-Zone: Come on, I'm just snortin with ya.

Junkyard: Man this is better than that time I dry humped the mail man.
Major Disaster: We're in war! Look alive! Less humping, more skull bashing!

The Toxic Crusaders jump into the fray to stop the madness from destroying the school.

No-Zone: My boogers are epic.

Lady Demon: Nasty ass runt!

No-Zone: Behold, the Snot Rocket!

No-Zone focuses all his power to unleash a wet booger fueled by toxic rocket fire power!

Lady Demon: Get. It. Away. From me!!!!

Purgatori: Ugh. Figures you'd be one of the Toxic Crusaders. How sad.

Major Disaster: Now is the time to panic! We are at war! With ourselves! Plants, help me out!

Purgatori: (hears the rustling of a plant monster) What is that thing?

Plant Monster: Vroo. Vroo.
Purgatori: You must be joking. What am I supposed to do against that?

Evil Ernie: You aren't getting me this time. I'll shove you up Toxie's ass before you clean my filthy mouth out again!

Mop: Boom! Yer nasty!

Junkyard: What I wouldn't give to get down with you. Wanna catch fleas together? Spread some nasty between us?

Lady Death: I'd rather tie you to a bed with your tongue and then rip your throat out. With my teeth.

Junkyard: I've got some hooch?

Lady Death: I'm listening.

Suddenly a song comes on during the dance, a song so great that Toxie and Miss M can't ignore it: Space Age Love Song!

Miss M: Toxie! This song! It's so epic and magical! I think we can pause the chaos for a quick dance, right?

Toxie: I can do that!

Miss M: Let's dance!

As the song plays and a blurred war between every manner of oddness unfolds around them, Toxie and Miss M relish in their romantic moment...

Miss M: I love being in your arms. Oh my goodness I never want this moment to end!
Toxie: It's magical. I can't believe a girl like you would fall for a guy like me.

Miss M: Oh Toxie, you're perfect!

Toxie: I have a hanging eye and my skin is radioactive. I'm not perfect.

Miss M: Please. Radioactive skin? That's just another way of saying you are freakin hot. I'm the one that's not perfect. I didn't always used to look like this. I was pretty grody, that is until I bit an apple from this old woman at another school dance and transitioned into this vision before you. I don't think you would have wanted anything to do with that older version of me. Ya know, when I came to this school, it was to help my friend. I never expected to find my soulmate.

Toxie: I know what you mean. My first thought when I saw you was that I didn't want to have to clean your blood and guts off the cafeteria floor. I'm glad I stepped in to handle those bullies. You dazzle me Miss M. I have another reason, aside from the propensity of violence towards evil, to live in this messed up world. I'm never letting another thing happen to you.

Miss M: We're totally like star crossed lovers! Like Tromeo and Juliet! I mean Shakestroma knew how to tell a damn good love story!

Toxie: Ya. I know what you mean. Hey, the song is almost over.

Miss M: I know. Can't we just dance a little longer? I don't want this to end.

Toxie: Me either my love, but we can dance more once we've cleaned up this school. We need to make this world a better place. We've got a lifetime of dancing to enjoy after this. Just remember, once in a blue moon when the smog settles along the Tromaville skyline, those stars will be there for us. The perfect night.

Miss M: Ok, that's a deal. Kiss me before we kick some ass!

Toxie: Happy to oblige!

SMOOCH!

April: Help!

Miss M: Oh my goodness April!
Toxie: Are you hurt?

The new and mutated Headbanger looks down below...

Dr. Bender: RAWR!

Fender: Shh. He just wants to play.

April: I'm not hurt, but we're in big trouble! Everyone needs to leave the school immediately!

Headbanger growls and howls, jumping into the dance.

No one is expecting it...

All anyone can do is scream as the monster descends...

The new Headbanger attacks, swinging every which way.

Evil Ernie: Get this Mop off me! That thing is coming for us!

Headbanger: RAWR!

The students scream in a panic trying to escape.

No one feels safe from the mutated monster known as the Headbanger!

Fender: He only wants to play...

Radiation Ranger: Halt! Under school code 375.6 of the Tromaville Student Handbook, you will be removed from campus and arrested for damaging school property.

Headbanger dismisses the statement and continues to attack the school and the Radiation Ranger!

Major Disaster: Hurry this way! Everyone get out!

Miss M: I've got to help April!

Toxie: No, stay back, I've got this.

Taking a break from fighting, Junkyard and Lady Death are finding out why they call it puppy love...

Junkyard: You and I are going to howl at the moon.

Lady Death: Mmm. Bad dog. Let's leave this place. School dances are so ten years ago.

Bonehead: Not so fast. No one leaves. Alive.

Bonehead: You two are disgusting.

Bonehead: Come here boy, wanna play?

Junkyard: You don't scare me, I used to get into bum fights.

Bonehead: Sounds fun. How 'bout we play fetch?

Bonehead quickly lunges at Junkyard, catching him by surprise!

Junkyard: Ugh.
Boneyard: This is so much better than fetch.

Bonehead bashes and thrashes Junkyard, spraying blood everywhere.

Lady Death: What the hell?! I smell like bloody wet dog now.

Bonehead: One down. Just a few more Toxic Crusaders left.

No-Zone: Come on dip sticks! Who wants to be my personal Kleenex?

Bonehead: I do! I do!

No-Zone: Who are you?

Bonehead: I'm the one that's going to give you that nose job you've been asking for.

No-Zone: Cool. Let me just get rid of one last big Snot Rocket!

The two struggle...

Bonehead puts up a fight with No-Zone, but both get rattled by Headbanger!

Headbanger: RAWR!

Headbanger: Grr.

Bonehead: Thanks for the unexpected help mutant freak. Now, who's next?

April: Oh M! Am I happy to see you!

Miss M: Where have you been? Were you able to find out anything about your dad?

April: No, I don't know where my father is. It was a mistake coming here. I was being held against my will! This town is corrupt.
Miss M: You're telling me! But it wasn't all for nothing. I've found my soulmate. My glowingly green soulmate. It's just perfect.

April: I'm thrilled for you sweetie, but we have to get out of here. If you haven't noticed my cousin has become a deranged psychopath.

Miss M: Wheeler? But he seemed so sweet.
April: That was before these sick jerk-wads skinned his face.

Toxie: I do believe that most everyone has left the school safely.
April: Who are you?
Miss M: This is Toxie, my soulmate.

April: Huh? For real? You totally drank the water didn't you M?
Miss M: I mean, have you seen those biceps?
April: Yes. They look infected.
Miss M: Yet so strong.

Major Disaster: Never fear remaining students, even though we are at war, we can still leave this madhouse in an orderly fashion.
Bonehead: This isn't war old man. This is a bloodbath.

Major Disaster: Who are you?

Bonehead: You gave me an A- on an exam once, and it took my GPA down half a point. Now look at me? Do you think I'll ever get into a good college?

Major Disaster: What?

Bonehead: Let's light up, you smoke?

Major disaster: No, it's bad for the...

Bonehead: No hard feelings.

Bonehead lights Major Disaster on fire!

Major Disaster: AHHH!

Major Disaster: My bush is on fire!

Major Disaster: It's spreading! Help!

Major Disaster: Ugh...

Bonehead: He'll be coming back from that a changed man.

Psycho: Killemoff! Killemoff where are you?

Psycho: Now I know I'm in trouble when he isn't yelling back at me. Dr. Killemoff where are you???!!!

Headbanger: Grrr.

Psycho: Oh no.
Headbanger: Shh. 

Psycho: I didn't create your mutation, I swear!

Headbaner: GRR.

Headbanger growls again before slicing up Psycho!

He soon sets his sights on April, Miss M, and Toxie...

He bursts in full of rage!

Toxie: You don't want to do this! You've hurt enough people, but you are a Toxic Crusader! You took an oath!

Headbanger: RAWR!

April: We're next.
Miss M: We have to do something!

April: Wait! I've got it.

April: Hey big guy, the tide's getting real low. The sun is starting to rise. You should go surfing with this brand new surf board. Clear your mind some, how does that sound?

Miss M: But all the water around here is polluted!

April: Just go with it!

Miss M: Yeah! You remember surfing don't you? Surfing is like, rad, and stuff. Right? Dude?
April: You aren't good at this.

Miss M: I am too!

Headbanger breathes heavily.

Toxie: Headbanger is slowing down, look at him.

April: Here, take the surf board. Go and enjoy the ocean. Be free!

Fender: Really dudes?

Headbanger tests it out...

The feeling is familiar...

Headbanger: MINE!!

Headbanger: Go?

Toxie: Go for it.

Headbanger races off to be with the waves, his true home.

Miss M: Well. That was some dance.
April: I think everyone is safe now.
Toxie: Except for a few people.

Miss M: Oh totally, I didn't think this was over.

Toxie: It's kinda good though, right? You aren't bored yet are you?

April: I'm actually getting a little bored. How could anyone want to actually go through this entire story?

Bonehead: How sentimental. Free Headbanger. Gnarly. Now. On to the main event. I've been waiting for this moment. Toxie. You're dead. Oh... did I cut into your conversation?

Toxie: No way Bonehead!
Bonehead: (waves his knife) No one makes it out alive!

The two enter fisticuffs!

April: Stop! Wheeler, I know you are in there! Don't do this.

Miss M: Oh my goodness, why does everyone like so much violence? That's my soulmate you are fighting and we have bigger things to do, like dancing under the stars!

April: M! Help me, I don't want my cousin to die!

Miss M: Sorry April. I know that's your cousin, but he doesn't have a face. So like, yeah. Toxie needs to make this out alive!

April: Wheeler, come on! Don't let your bonehead get the better of you!

Miss M: (turns to see her bully) Oh no. My bully and me.

Evil Ernie: Did you think you'd get away from us?

Miss M is lured off by the bullies!

Miss M: Let me go a-holes! I am serious! I'll punch a bitch!

Purgatori: I'd like to see you try.

Lady Demon: Come on, quit moving. You're making this difficult.

Lady Death: All we want to do is kill you. Is that so much to ask? Well, we've also decided that we want to sacrifice you to a demon. So maybe we are asking for a bit much.

Miss M: I'm dizzy. I can't take anymore. Just leave me alone!

Lady Death: Someone hand me my knife...

Suddenly!

???: Holy Level 3!

A bright light washes over the Tromaville bullies...

Miss M: What?! A nun?

Sister Areala: I knew I'd find you. My goodness, what did we do to you?

Lady Death: I feel so weird.

Evil Ernie: Why do we look this way?

Purgatori: We're not ourselves. My, my breasts are huge! We were also really mean.

Sister Areala: I was blind and followed the orders of Father Frollo. You all drank toxic water from the tap disguised as Holy Water. It mutated you.

Lady Demon: We were lied to? By the Church?!

Sister Areala: I'm terribly sorry, but yes. The Church lied to you.

Miss M: What is this? You four have been atrocious, and I mean atrocious, to me! But you somehow get a pass because you drank toxic Holy Water and had a nun cast a level 3 Holy spell to get your minds right? This is so dumb!

Lady Death: You're right. There's no excuse. We were awful to you. I honestly don't even know why.
Evil Ernie: I can't believe the things I said. I'm sorry dork girl. I never really meant any of it. I wouldn't really want to romance you. I think I'm actually gay.
Purgatori: Sister Areala, what happens now? Do we get to keep our implants?
Sister Areala: Assuming you can live with your actions as I have had to do with mine, I suggest you all find what makes you truly happy. Leave this place before it destroys you.

Lady Death: What do you need from us so that we can right our wrongs dork girl?

Purgatori: Would you like to pop one of my toxic infused implants? Please say no.

Miss M: That's so grody. I just would like you to stop calling me dork girl. Or turd stain. My name is Miss M.

Lady Demon: We are truly sorry for our actions. Come on, let's go. There's a whole world out there we need to explore.

Lady Death: What of you Sister?

Sister Areala: I'm going to make the powers above us pay. This never should have happened.

Lady Death: You should really make us pay.

Sister Areala: I'll have nun of that nunsense. Go. Be kind to each other.

The bullies leave.

Miss M: I feel like this should have been a blood bath. They sort of had it coming.

Sister Areala: Maybe so, but they are not the real threat. The real threats are the twisted in power, the ones willing to destroy everything. So there will be a bloodbath Miss M.

Sister Areala: I'm a nun and I have a gun, somewhere under this skirt. The evil masterminds behind this will pay!

Sister Areala leaves.

Miss M: Oh goodness. I've got to find Toxie.

Dun-dun-duuun!

Dr. Killemoff: Not so fast. This isn't over yet.

Miss M: People keep saying that, I really wish it would just be over already. Oh my, you're the doctor...

Back to the school fight...

Bonehead: Come on! Try and stop me!

Toxie: This will not end well for you, so you should give up now.

April: Please, would you two stop fighting! Wheeler, sashay away! Sashay away that wall of hate and terror, stop this please!

Toxie: You won't win.

Bonehead: I don't care!

Toxie gives him one good wack in the skull. It rattles something off in Bonehead that he had not even expected.

Bonehead: Ugh!

Bonehead: Oh man. I'm starting to care...

Bonehead passes out from the disgust of realizing that he cares.

April: Wait! Stop! Don't kill my cousin!

Bonehead: (gets up slowly) Oh no. What have I done?

April: Wheeler? Is that you?
Bonehead: My face. My face! Oh April, what did they do to me?

Toxie: My poor sap, you were experimented on by Psycho.

Bonehead: NOOO! WHY?! WHY?!
April: We have to do something!
Bonehead: It's no use. I'm going to be stuck like this.

April: No, I refuse. This will not be your fate.
Toxie: Believe me, you aren't meant to be the real Bonehead, kind cousin of April.
Bonehead: I'm so sorry. I hurt your friends. I hurt the Toxic Crusaders.
Toxie: Yeah, you might want to get out of here because once they wake up, they'll probably wanna kick your ass.

April: Bonehead, we will fix this. Put this mask on. We'll get you help.

Bonehead: Thank you.

Toxie: I think that's it.
April: I know. We're in the clear.

Toxie: Wait... where's Miss M?

Miss M: Look, I can't deal with anymore trouble. I just can't. I'm only a junior in high school. I watch 90210 for crying out loud!

Dr. Killemoff: Eh, for that alone you should be vanquished from this planet.

Dr. Killemoff: You are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme anyways.

Miss M: No!

Dr. Killemoff shoots Miss M with invisible ray blasts! Bzz! Bzz!

Dr. Killemoff: That'll do the trick.

Toxie: M? M?! Are you in here?

His eyes rest on the body of his beloved.

Her shiny silver booties glisten under the disco ball.

Toxie: Miss M! Oh M! What did those damn bullies do to you?! Damn it I was too late!

Toxie: NOOOOOO!

Toxie: (goes into a fit of ugly sobs) Oh no! Don't be dead! I can't lose you. Our story was just starting.

Toxie: We're soulmates. We were going to look at the stars on a pollute free night. You're the dorky key to my locked toxic heart.

Toxie: (kisses her cheek) I promise, I'll never love a woman like you ever again, it'll only be busty blondes and meaningless sex from now on. I'll give you that respect.

Dr. Killemoff: Touching how love works, isn't it?

Toxie: What do you want Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: That's Dr. Killemoff! Can't anyone remember my damn name?!

Toxie: Come any closer and I'll bash your skull in on this floor.

Dr. Killemoff: Hey, hey, I come in peace. I'm not here for a fight. Everyone already knows my misdeeds, so there isn't much more I can get away with.
Toxie: That doesn't matter. I'm still making you pay for your crimes.
Dr. Killemoff: I don't think so, because I have something you will want.
Toxie: What could that possibly be?

Dr. Killemoff: You just lost the love of your life, so the way I see it, you only have a few options. You can continue being the green mutated freak before me, bashing the brains of countless people until the rage consumes you. You can kill yourself to possibly reunite with Miss M in the After Life if such a place exists. Or...
Toxie: Or?
Dr. Killemoff: I could return you to your human form and give you what you have always dreamed of. A job, as a janitor at a gym.

Toxie: What? You can revert me back to my human form?
Dr. Killemoff: Of course I can. Why not? I have a serum that can shed that hideous visage and you can go back to the way things were. You can be normal. Well, you'd still be a loser like this dead dork girl before me, but you wouldn't have the droopy eye.
Toxie: What's in it for you?
Dr. Killemoff: You let me leave this place. You let me escape back to Smogula. My plans are shot to hell for Earth. I will need to start from scratch and find another planet to pollute and allow the growing number of Smogulans to flee to. Earth is just too basic. What do you say?
Toxie: I don't know...

In his grief, Toxie makes a decision that feels right for him in that moment...

Toxie: Give me the serum doc. If M is dead, these muscular arms mean nothing. I want that job as a janitor at the gym and I want to look normal.

Dr. Killemoff: Very well. Good choice. Here, drink up.

Toxie drinks the serum and doubles over in pain.

Toxie: UGH!

Toxie: I feel so sick...

Toxie: It was a trick...

Toxie: Damn you Dr. Killemoff!!!

Toxie: Miss M...

Dr. Killemoff: Farewell Toxie. Radiation Ranger! Prepare for our return trip to Smogula!

Radiation Ranger: Will we ever return to Earth, Dr. Killemoff?

Dr. Killemoff: Of course. Give it time. My plans to pollute this planet and make it Smougula 2 will work. After all, I just killed my competition. Toxie will never be a problem again...

Radiation Ranger: To Smogula!!!

Toxie: (coughs up sludge) Oh M, Miss M...

Toxie: Together. Forever.

Moments later...

Melvin: Oh wow. He did it. He actually did it. I have returned to my old body!

Melvin hears a mumble...

Miss M: Ohhh. I have the worst abominable snowman cramps.
Melvin: You're alive?!
Miss M: I thought I was dead for a second, but I'm very much alive. Who are you?

Melvin: (his heart is breaking as he realizes M loved Toxie, she'd probably never love the way he is now) I'm Melvin. I heard all this commotion and thought I could help.

Miss M: Hi Melvin, I'm Miss M. Thanks for helping. This has been the messiest day. I've never seen so much drama in my entire life and I watch the full ABC Daytime line up, so that says a lot. These bullies were ready to kill me, but a nun saved the day. We all kinda had this weird lame ass apology. And then I got shot by that evil Dr. Killemoff! I mean why would he shoot me?

Melvin: (feels duped) You were harmed by Dr. Killemoff?
Miss M: Yeah. He is a real polluted prick. Like the worst.
Melvin: (realizes his mistakes) What have I done?
Miss M: I'm not sure, but I think you saved me. Hey. Do we know each other? You seem so familiar...

Melvin: (lies) No, we've never met.

Miss M: Oh ok. Umm, have you seen Toxie around? He's my soulmate. He has these dreamy muscular arms. He also has a hanging eye, but it's all good because he is radioactive.

Melvin: I haven't seen him. My arms are puny.

Miss M: Oh they look fine.

Melvin: (in a daze) I have to go. Glad you are safe.
Miss M: Oh. Ok.

He wants to tell her the truth. He wants to scream from the sky that her soulmate is standing right there before her. Sadly, he says nothing. How can he? She fell in love with Toxie; how, he wonders, could she ever fall in love with the skinny pimple faced nerd before her?

Miss M: Well take care.

April: Oh M! Thank goodness! You are safe!
Junkyard: Hot dog am I glad to see you!
Miss M: Hey guys. You all ok?

No-Zone: We've been better. We thought we had lost Major Disaster.

Junkyard: Yeah, we were going to have to smoke his remains if he hadn't made it.

Major Disaster: Very funny. I'm alive though. Where is Toxie?

Miss M: I don't know, I was hoping you guys knew?
Junkyard: We couldn't find him.
Miss M: Well he must be here somewhere?!

April: Look, we'll find him later, we have to go. It's an emergency. I have to get Wheeler to a Swiss Clinic for a face transplant.

Miss M: Oh, yeah, Swiss Clinics are the best for that. I learned that from All My Children. Umm, let's go I guess.
Junkyard: You girls be ok out there.
Miss M: You aren't coming along?

No-Zone: Nah. We belong here. Tromaville is our home.

Major Disaster: Besides, we need to wrangle Headbanger out of the ocean.
Miss M: Ok. Well... If you guys find Toxie could you please tell him that I love him. And I hope to see him soon.

Junkyard: Sure thing hot stuff.

April: Ready?
Miss M: Yeah. I guess this is good bye.
April: Couldn't come soon enough, I thought this latest adventure would never end!
Miss M: I just wonder...
April: Come on, you'll see Toxie again. The Toxic Crusaders will find him...

WINK!

Back to the present...

Miss M: The Toxic Crusaders never did find him. He was gone. Poof. Like he never existed.
April: Oh M, I forgot you had your heart broken in Tromaville.

Miss M: I know. It sucked. I think I ate humonga sized fries for like a month non stop after that.
April: More like two months. I was there. You put the food away during that time.

Miss M: I also think my time in the toxic wasteland of Tromaville is what ended up making my head so big. I feel like my head was smaller back then.

April: Our memories of the past are funny. Whatever happened to the Toxic Crusaders?

Miss M: Well my understanding was that they disbanded shortly after that ordeal at Tromaville High. Toxie was gone. Dr. Killemoff was nowhere to be found. There was no longer a serious threat.

April: I thought Toxie came back though?

Miss M: Yeah, there were some rumors that he had resurfaced as a Toxic Avenger or something. I have no proof if that happened or not.

April: But do you personally think those rumors are real?

Miss M: Oh in my heart of hearts I know the stories are real. Toxie is alive. He exists. Knowing my luck, he found the perfect busty blonde. I take comfort though, because I know that once in a blue moon, when the smog has settled across the Tromaville skyline and the stars can be seen shining bright... I know that's when he'll think of me, and how our love crossed paths, ever so briefly. One day, I know I'll get to see it too.

For more information on how you can save Nuke 'Em High, please go and support the Return to Nuke 'Em High Kickstarter page and donate to help finish and release the grodiest movie in the 40 years of Troma ever!

I hope you have enjoyed this toy story, and may we get to see Toxie one day again!