Miss M: I know. I've really needed a break. It's not easy being made of plastic, especially when the dust settles in. My lungs just burn and that's when the nose bleeding starts...
April: What a messy time.
Inside the chambers of the eternal father, Father Frollo!
Father Frollo: Sigh. No. I didn't get a chance to bulk buy when I was at Sams. Just get some water from the sink.
Sister Areala: All right Father Frollo. I'll get the Holy Water from the tap. What's the worst that could possibly happen?
And then the bell rings...
Miss M Presents
Toys and Troma!
Miss M: I mean I've only fallen for three.
(they head inside)
Miss M: And you're one to talk. You're the girl that is dating a total dream boat hunk who wears a hockey mask.
April: Casey is not like other guys. Look, what do you even see yourself doing in ten years? Who do you want to be?
April: Even when you're 42?
April: You have the weirdest logic.
Miss M: Holy goodness and gum drops, he is a hunk!
Wheeler: Uhh, yeah, why are you asking?
April: Don't entertain her. Thanks for setting a room up for us.
Wheeler: It's no problem April. My mom and dad are happy to have you both with us, even if it is an unexpected surprise. Why are you at a new school anyway?
April: Yeah. About that... We just needed to be at a new school. These things happen.
Wheeler: Umm, that's cool. I think. Well what's your schedule?
Miss M: I think we have music class with Mr. Packer...
Suddenly the intercom buzzes...
Wheeler: Yeah. That sounds weird. I'm gonna need you to not be so weird. We do have some nice amenities though. By the way, don't eat the school lunch. It tastes like garbage and will make you glow.
Miss M: Oh that's fine, I brought a Lunchable. Wanna share it with me? (bats her eyelashes)
Wheeler: Maybe some other time?
Miss M: That's fine. More deli meat for me! That's what I always say. It's a great silver lining actually.
Lady Death: Eww. What is this? New girls. They look like fun. I bet their panties are made of itchy cotton.
Purgatori: Maybe they have the days of the week on them. I totally like to eat on Sundays.
Lady Demon: They look like the pathetic kinds of girls that would wear boner killing panties. (yells) Boner killers! Hahaha.
Miss M: Oh, I don't know that I'm ravishing. (sniffs the air) You smell like rot gut.
Evil Ernie: That's my musk and of course you are ravishing. Are you single? I think you are really hot.
Brandon: Some questions are better left unanswered M.
Elsewhere in the school...
Dr. Killemoff: Very well. That's Dr. Killemoff by the way! Don't you dare forget it!
In History Class...
Lady Death: We need to wipe her out. I hate dorks. And turd stains.
The class laughs.
Lady Death: (mouths something to Miss M) We're coming for you dork girl.
Meanwhile across the hall, April and Wheeler are in Science Class...
Fender: Man, I'm never going to graduate. Scat this.
Fender: Dude! How am I ever going to score with hot chicks when you talk like such a boring nerd? Seriously dude! It's all good though, the school board says I am only a few credits from graduating high school early and I'll even have some credits to be a teacher too. Isn't that gnarly Bender? We can like totally teach together.
The bell rings and soon it is time for everyone's favorite subject, lunch...
April: Don't be ridiculous. M, come on. Why would they try to kill you? They are just bullies.
Wheeler: Actually, M might have a valid concern. Lady Death and her posse of you-know-what are the real deal.
Wheeler: Because it's the school lunch. People go crazy when they eat the cafeteria food here.
April: Interesting. Well, we have some time left before lunch is over with, so I'm going to sneak off and see what I can find out about my father. Someone here has to know what happened to him.
April walks off as Miss M heads to the cafeteria line.
Dr. Bender: Just grab your lunch and sit down new girl!
Dr. Bender: Not my place to know or care. I want that extra money. You want a new surfboard right?
Dr. Bender: Well, help me feed these kid's brains with toxic goodness...
Wheeler: Maybe you should find a really nice hobby?
Lady Demon: I have a motto. While on drugs, when I open my legs... I open my heart.
Miss M: Eww! Stop! Oh goodness, please don't steal my Lunchable.
???: (from above) Leave the miss alone!
Toxie refuses to back down.
Purgatori: That's my Pandora's Box! You'll pay for that!
Purgatori: Ah! No!
Evil Ernie: Gurgle. Gurgle.
Lady Death: How dare you! I won't let filth touch me!
Lady Demon: Gah! My mouth tastes like toilet water.
Toxie: I am Toxie, pleased to meet you.
Miss M: I can handle a fight! I once was at a Toysrus and I fought off three bloodthirsty toy collectors for a new line of Power Ranger toys. True story.
Toxie: What did those clowns want with you?
Miss M: I don't know. They've been on my behind since I got here. Who are you exactly?
Miss M: Umm, I just transferred here ok?
Miss M: I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and honestly you shouldn't be worried about your face. I don't know if it's the vapors or the radioactive waste from the water fountain, but I think you are a total dream boat hunk!
Toxie: What? Me?
Miss M: Thank you...
Miss M: Who is he?
Miss M: What about Wheeler?
Toxie: Pay no attention to him. Would you like to sit?
Toxie: Why? Does this place gross you out?
Dr. Killemoff: None of your concern Dr. Bender. Now take your dumber half with you and be on your way.
Fender: Dude, you realize that principal dude is a douchebag right?
Fender: I was hoping you'd have an answer teacher dude.
In other parts of the school...
Back to Toxie...
Toxie: I know, and we will, but we first must come up with a plan. You don't understand Miss M, there is something foul occurring in this city.
Toxie: It is possible. We must do something, which is why I have formulated a team. A rag tag team!
Fender: Bro, this is like a palace.
Toxie: I'll ask again, what are you doing here?
Fender: We don't know why, but it just doesn't feel right. Chicks don't want to date shady guys. Right chick?
Fender: Dude, that's Dr. Killemoff!
Fender: And I just want to date some hot chicks.
Dr. Bender: You rock. I try to be more zen. I prefer another name...
Toxie: I've told you, I will always be looking out for you. And you are capable of a great deal, don't sell yourself short. Come on, say you'll join us. Say you'll be a Toxic Crusader! Well?
Suddenly, a noise!
She can hear the sounds of evil chasing her...
April turns and screams...
To be continued!
All your questions and fears will be put to rest and then mutated in Part 2 of Toys and Troma!
For more information on how you can save Nuke 'Em High, please go and support the Return to Nuke 'Em High Kickstarter page and donate to help finish and release the grodiest movie in the 40 years of Troma ever!