Friday, October 30, 2015

Miss M Presents: April O'Neil's Halloween Party of the Year- 2015 Edition!

Dear Diary!

It's Halloween! It's finally here! Halloween is here! It's time to trick or treat. But don't smell my feet. I've been in need of a good pedicure. I think I might do that before getting Yvie dressed up. This will be her first Halloween and I am so excited! I just need to print some stickers from the computer to go on our trick or treat bags, and I will be good to go. I hope Bruce won't mind me using his computer and printer. He's got all the high tech stuff...

-Miss M

Miss M Presents:
April O'Neil's Halloween Party of the Year
2015 Edition!

Bruce Wayne: Hey babe, what are you wearing to go Trick or Treating with Yvie tonight? One of those lacy numbers you've been wearing around the house?
Miss M: (sighs) No, I don't know what I'll be wearing.

Bruce Wayne: What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself. It's Halloween! It's Yvie's first Halloween.
Miss M: I know. I'll find something fun to wear.
Bruce Wayne: No, wait a minute. Something is wrong. We aren't leaving until you tell me what it is.

Miss M: I really don't want to talk about it.
Bruce Wayne: Too bad. Something is wrong with you. Talk to me.

Miss M: (stammers) I'm really sorry, I wasn't trying to snoop. It was an accident. I was on your computer looking to print some fun stickers for our candy bags and I saw...
Bruce Wayne: What did you see?

Miss M: I saw... Bruce... Why do you have such a massive library of porn on your computer?
Bruce Wayne: What?

Miss M: I didn't mean to look. I was trying to clean up a virus that kept popping up on your computer. I thought you would have had state of the art protection, but after stumbling upon all that porn I can see why your computer has the "stuff."

Bruce Wayne: You know that is a private thing. We shouldn't be talking about this.
Miss M: Why not?
Bruce Wayne: I don't go around asking if you look at porn. Why should you with me?
Miss M: Wait a second. You don't wonder if I do that?
Bruce Wayne: No! It's private! Does it even matter that I have porn on my computer?

Miss M: Yes! Yes it matters that you have a freaking library sized porn collection!
Bruce Wayne: Why? Why should that matter?
Miss M: Because we haven't even slept together! We've been together for awhile now and we have not been intimate even once.

Bruce Wayne: We are intimate. I kiss you good morning and kiss you goodnight. We hold hands. I smack your butt when you walk by me.

Miss M: I don't mean that kind of intimacy!  Side note, smacking of the butt is not intimate. It causes a jiggly ripple effect and you know what they say about ripple effects. Anyways, I am referring to the kind of intimacy where we make love. And we lay in each other's arms afterwards. Where we get naked and watch bad movies and eat take out food. Are you not attracted to me? Is there something I need to do that you see in those videos? I'll try anything to make you happy. Well... almost anything.
Bruce Wayne: I really don't want to talk about this. You said before that you didn't want to sleep in the same bed, no funny business...
Miss M: No! I said that before we became a couple! It's different now.

Bruce Wayne: M, we have a great thing going. I am so happy with you. Is it really that awful that we maybe just take our time with the sex stuff?
Miss M: Why cant't you just tell me what is wrong with me? I know I don't look like your other girlfriends...
Bruce Wayne: Stop. It's not you. I promise you. I... I have some things that I need to work through all right?

Miss M: What does that mean? Why won't you let me in? My goodness I'm becoming that girl. Oh no, I can feel it oozing across my skin. I'm becoming that girl that panics and freaks out. Shit.
Bruce Wayne: Look, this isn't easy for me ok? Can we please table this discussion for later and get ready for Halloween? I want this to be a special night for Yvie.

Miss M: (slowly walks away shaking and fighting back tears) Sure. I want this to be a special night too. I'm gonna go get ready. I'll see you soon.

Bruce Wayne: (hangs his head) Ok.

In Dimension X...

Irma: This place is so weird. It looks like back home.
Louis: Doesn't it though?
Irma: So what are we doing? We've been here for a few days and nothing has been happening.

Winston: We are just waiting on Janine and Ray to come back with the map to this magician.

Irma: Ok, so the magician will then tell us how to open up Dimensions Y and Z? What then?
Winston: We unlock all the secrets we need to make the universe a better place.

Irma: Got it.

Louis: We will need your smarts though Irma. There are some codes we will need to crack with hacking skills that I do not possess.
Winston: Exactly, we just need Janine and Ray to hurry up.

Lord Dregg: No one move.

Irma: Louis?

Lord Dregg: You are not from this place, which means Krang requires an audience.

Winston: We are waiting for our friends.

Lord: They will be meeting Krang too. No one arrives to Dimension X without meeting Krang.

Irma: Oh crapola.

Back on Earth, Miss M and Bruce Wayne don their secret alter ego super hero suits as they step out and join in the festivities of Halloween.

Batman: Trick or Treat!

WoW: Look Yvie, look at all the candy!

Yvie: ... (Translation: Where is all the candy? Couldn't this blog spring for some fake toy candy? What a joke.)

Luann: Such wonderful costumes! My goodness, that Batman costume looks so real! Where did you get it?

Batman: It's custom.

Next house.

WoW: Trick or Treat!

Yvie: (screams in delight)

Batman: Thank you for the candy.

Richard: My goodness the wings on that baby look real.

WoW: Don't they though?

Next house.

Wimpy: Happy Halloween everyone! What an interesting family. I recognize the Batman costume and what a lovely little baby bat girl, but who are you supposed to be?

WoW: I'm dressed like the super hero crime fighter known as WoW.

Wimpy: I've never heard of that hero before.

Wow: Really? That's funny. She practically stopped a drug ring in the city awhile back and has helped to consistently lower crime for the last few months.

Wimpy: Oh, I thought Batman was doing that.

Batman: That is why I dressed up as him for Halloween after all. He is one of the best heroes out there.

WoW: Excuse me? Batman may have been doing his thing for a long time, but don't discount the power of a hero who isn't super popular. I pack a, I mean, WoW packs a powerful punch.

Batman: Yeah, but it's not like WoW has her own comic series or toy line. Or even movie series. It makes sense that no one would really know who she is.

WoW: Excuse me, but last time I checked, Batman has never been able to consistently lower the crime rate in this city. There's always some villain or criminal on the loose when you are watching the city. WoW on the other hand has been delivering results. Comics and toy lines need not apply.

Wimpy: Umm, I have more trick 'r treaters coming, could you all leave so I can pass out candy? I don't want this domestic dispute to turn into an episode of Cops.

WoW: Gladly.

Batman: Hey, are you mad?
WoW: What was that about? I'm a damn good hero too.
Batman: (shrugs) Of course you are a great hero. I dunno what came over me.
WoW: Whatever. For the record, you might have an extensive movie series based off you, but most of them were basic. So there.

In another part of the city...

Jana: Lady Kale, I know what we need to do tonight.

Lady Kale: Go on, I'm listening.

Jana: That Miss M girl, she is friends with this woman who is throwing a huge Halloween party.
Lady Kale: What is the big deal about this Halloween thing anyway?

Jana: I have no idea, but let me show you the poster invitation around the corner. I'm sure Miss M will be there. It will finally be our chance to strike.

Lady Kale: Wonderful. Halloween is looking less dull as we speak...

At April O'Neil's Halloween Party of the Year, guests enjoy a party of spooky epic sized fun at the Monster Cereal Mascot Mansion!

April: Chris, this whole thing has gone off perfectly.

Chris Gaida: Was there any doubt?

April: No. I was thinking, would you like a more permanent job at the offices of Diary of a Dorkette? I could really use the help.
Chris Gaida: I might be interested. Is there a space for me to record at?
April: Umm, I guess there is. Why?

Chris Gaida: I partake in hosting duties for a podcast that is huge in Canada and parts of space.
April: I'll accommodate whatever. I just need you here.
Chris Gaida: I also have an extensive collection of faux fur Chewbacca coats that I will need to bring. I get cold in an office space.

April: Bring them! I don't care! Just say you will join the team!
Chris Gaida: I'll think about it.
April: I can handle that. Where's your costume by the way?

Chris Gaida: I'm wearing it.

At Wayne Manor,

Miss Elizabeth: How was the Trick or Treating?
Miss M: It was great. I actually had a very nice time. Yvie was thrilled. Weren't you sweetness?

Yvie: Coo.

Bruce Wayne: We even had some nice compliments on our fun costumes.
Miss M: It pays to be a super hero. Even if I'm just second rate.
Bruce Wayne: Come on M, don't take that seriously.

Miss Elizabeth: (senses something is wrong) Well, what are you two doing for the rest of the night?
Miss M: Not sure, probably put Yvie down for the night. I had wanted to do other things tonight, but I'll probably just eat a lot of candy and drink a six pack of Dr. Pepper.

Bruce Wayne: We could always go to April's party.

Miss M: I don't really want to. Besides, we don't have a sitter. Alfred is off for the night.

Miss Elizabeth: Hey wait a second! You have a built in sitter with me and Angela. We can watch over Yvie.

Miss M: I somehow think two dead people from the After Life babysitting our baby is going to qualify me for Worst Mother of the Year.

Miss Elizabeth: Oh ye of little faith! She'll be in perfect hands with me.
Miss M: I don't know...

Bruce Wayne: Come on, we can just go for a little bit, say some hellos, and then be back in time before the night ends.

Miss M: (pauses for a little moment) Ok. But only for a little bit.

Miss Elizabeth: Oh wonderful! I am so excited to watch this little girl!

Bruce Wayne: Have a nice night Yvie. Happy Halloween, we'll be home soon.

Miss M: I love you Yvie, my precious sweetness.

Yvie: (giggles)

The Halloween party is in full gear as guests continue to arrive and mingle,

April: Hey, you're bringing it back old school.
Casey: Yep. Great party babe.

April: Where's my pizza?

Casey: Huh?

April: I've been waiting since we were in high school for you to deliver me a pizza on Halloween. Remember?

Casey: Ha. I haven't forgotten. I've got a pepperoni and Canadian bacon on the way.

April: You are the most romantic husband ever.

Chris: So you are a real Power Ranger?
Billy: One of the originals.

Chris: I know this guy that would freak out if he met you. He's a big fan. He'd even draw your picture.

Billy: Cool.
Chris: You're friends with Miss M huh?

Billy: Yep, I am.
Chris: Is she always weird?

Billy: Nah, she's just living in her own world. It can make it hard to relate to her.
Chris: I'm afraid I relate all too well. I'm hoping she and I can become friends. I'll be working with her soon.

Billy: That's really cool. So you'll be a new member at Diary of a Dorkette?
Chris: I'm going to try and figure it out.
Billy: Cool. You should celebrate with a Space Milkshake.
Chris: I've heard those are good.

Billy: They are. My husband Sulu turned me onto them.

Link: Have you seen M around here? I thought for sure she'd be here.
Zelda: Why are you always thinking about her at these events?

Link: She's a friend.
Zelda: Sometimes I wonder if she is more.

Link: Well excuuuse me princess for being a friendly person. Nothing is going on between Miss M and me.

Franken Berry: I am really glad we are using our mansion for such a fun party.
Jasmine: It's so much fun. I think this is my first Halloween party with you.
Franken Berry: I know. It's perfect. Couldn't ask for a more dreamy night.
Jasmine: Oh Franken Berry! How did we ever get so lucky?
Boo Berry: You both are too sugary sweet.

Franken Berry: Well yeah. We've cornered the market on sugary sweet for decades now Boo Berry.

Boo Berry: (sighs) I know. I miss the fun of frightening people though. I'm a ghost. Now everyone wants me to be a part of their nostalgia snack routine. I want to give people nightmares like in the old days. Or at least spook people on shelves all year long.

Jasmine: Where's Count Chocula at?

Boo Berry: He's sinking his teeth into a rave in Romania. He's the playboy of the bunch.
Franken Berry: We just need to make sure the mansion is back to normal before he gets back...

Miss M: Well here we are. Party central.
Bruce Wayne: Want something to drink?

Miss M: Nah. I just want to say hi to my friends. Enjoy the night.

Miss M click clacks away. 

Bruce Wayne: (sighs) Sure thing.

Frute Brute: Hey Miss M.
Miss M: Frute Brute! You came back out of retirement! Why is your hair all grey?

Frute Brute: Yeah, I haven't had the luxuries like my fellow Monster Cereal mascots. I've aged some. After General Mills brought me back a couple years ago I thought the endorsements and cereal products would come rushing in, but I was only brought back for that year. I blew all the cereal money on chew bones and a cherry tree. Now the only work I have has been sweeping up the cereal sawdust remains at the factory. It's been some hard work. You look pretty as always though.

Miss M: Oh goodness, thank you Frute Brute. I hope they bring you back. I loved your cereal. It's my favorite Monster Cereal.

Frute Brute: Thanks M. I know I can always count on you.

Miss M: Gotta hand it to you, this is a great party.
Chris Gaida: I should thank you. Your sassy ways kicked me into high gear to make it a really great event.

Miss M: I think I may have had the wrong idea about you. You're pretty awesome.

Chris Gaida: You are too short stack.

Miss M: Friends?
Chris Gaida: Yeah, I suppose I can wing that.
Miss M: Ha.

Miss M: Congrats on the new job too. Most people don't survive very long at Diary of a Dorkette.

Chris Gaida: I'm not most people.

Miss M: I can tell. I look forward to working with you, Mr. Gaida. Now, if you'll excuse me.

April: Hey. Playing nice with Chris?
Miss M: Yes. I like him. He'll be great for the team.

April: You ok? I saw you walk in with Bruce but you've dropped him like a sack of Barbie shoes.

Miss M: We are in a weird place. I did what you suggested the other day. I've been in lingerie cleaning and dusting all week and the only thing that I've managed to do with that is have Bruce question keeping Alfred on as staff since I now know my way around cleaning supplies. I also found this insane library of porn on his computer. Like, I didn't even know that there could be so much porn in existence.

April: It is a multi billion industry. Oh sweetie, I should have told you. Skeletons no longer live in the closet, they've moved to a man's computer. You should have never gone on there.
Miss M: Tell me about it. I feel like my eyes need to be bleached.

April: Well, what's the big deal? Everyone looks at porn.

Miss M: The big deal is that he and I aren't having sexual dealings! I guess he doesn't need to have them with me. He has an entire library to scratch his itches for the next century.
April: That much huh?

Miss M: What do I do?

April: Just talk to him. Stop being so neurotic. I mean look at him.

April: All alone on the dance floor like a lost puppy dog. Just go to him.

Miss M: Oh I never should have agreed to dating him. Nothing ever good comes out of being involved with someone.
April: You got Yvie out of that deal.

Miss M: Aside from her. Which was all a technicality if you really look at it. I was in someone else's body!
April: Stop stalling. You're letting your anxiety take over.
Miss M: Ugh. Stop being my friend. Ok! I'm going.
April: Love you! Now where is my damn pizza?

Miss M: Hey.
Bruce Wayne: Ah, she decides to speak to me.
Miss M: Are you having fun?

Bruce Wayne: No not really. My girlfriend has been ice cold to me all night.
Miss M: Well everything I know about icy red hot attitude I learned from Erica Kane and Frosta.
Bruce Wayne: What's wrong with you? I'll get rid of my porn collection if that's what you want ok?

Miss M: What? This isn't really about porn. That's not the issue.
Bruce Wayne: Well damn it M what is it? My God women are so complicated.

Miss M: We aren't though. I hate to break it to you, but women are actually uncomplicated. We are very much aware of the things that go on around us, especially with other people. As for myself, I know I don't like it when things seem off and boy have they been off. We haven't made love or been physically intimate in any way shape or form. What was the point of us getting together? We could have just co-parented and took care of Yvie together just fine as friends.

Bruce Wayne: M, I'm a complicated man.

Miss M: Wait, what was that? I thought that 'complicated' was woman's work?
Bruce Wayne: (laughs) Ok you got me. I can be a dumb ass. I want to be intimate with you. In a sexual Ms. Jackson if ya nasty kinda way.
Miss M: Ohh you're bringing Janet into this. I like it.

Bruce Wayne: Look, there are some things I have to deal with. It's not easy to talk about. It has nothing to do with you, I promise. I just need time to be comfortable to tell you what I'm going through.
Miss M: I'm here whenever. We live together for crying out loud. We've been surrounded by green baby poop. I can handle whatever you have to say.

Bruce Wayne: I know. For now can we just dance to the Monster Mash? I'll tell you everything when I'm ready. I love you M.
Miss M: (sighs) And I love you too, against all better judgement.

Bruce Wayne: Damn it. All right. When I think about having sex with you I think of my dead mother.

Miss M: What?!

As the two dance and grow closer together, they both drift off into their own thoughts trying to understand their lives. That's the funny thing about love, everything seems like a major issue. It's not until the real threats appear that you realize the stuff before is just stupid.

Skeletor: Hel... Help. I... Can... Ta-lk.

Miss M: Oh my. Skeletor has been a mute for months, how is he able to talk right now?

Bruce Wayne: Let's be careful.

April: Oh no. This better be good cosplay.
Miss M: I think that's the real Skeletor.

April: Excuse me but you are not on the guest list.

Skeletor: Out of my way fool. I'm here for Miss M.

Miss M: Skeletor, what are you doing here? How can you talk?

Skeletor: The magic spell that was over me broke. And I remember it all. Everything that happened in space and the one woman who used to be here who was wiped from existence. How none of you can recall She-Ra is beyond the beyond, you're all being duped! Especially you Miss M. She's here. Lady Kale is here, and she's going to destroy you.

Dimension X

Maleficent: I am very glad to see you. We need your help.

Star Magic Spells: How so?

Maleficent: My travelers and I are trying to get to Dimension Z. It will require a level of magic that I have not gained just yet. I was hoping you could help me to unlock it.

Ed: This is some cool Final Fantasy stuff. Right Oola?

Oola: I'm just happy to be free.

Maleficent: You are the most powerful magician that I know of. We really need to get to Dimension Z.

Star Magic Spells: What's in Dimension Z?

Maleficent: Someone I need to kill.

Star Magic Spells: That sounds complicated.

Maleficent: It really isn't, but it must be done to make sure my existence and the life of another continues to thrive.

Star Magic Spells: Very well. Here is what you need to know...

Lord Dregg: Halt!

Lord Dregg: By the order of the high Krang you three are not from Dimension X. Krang seeks an audience with you, as his guests.

Maleficent: I'm not interested. Tell him some other time.

Lord Dregg: I was thinking you'd say that. I know who you are dark fairy. I brought back up. I have an army of creatures waiting outside to strike if you try to change my orders.

Oola: That's a bad thing, yes?

Ed: Very bad. Maleficent?

Maleficent: (refrains from talking and only emits a glowing green anger in her eyes)

At the Wayne Mansion,

Miss Elizabeth: She is asleep. Finally. That little Yvie is something special.

Angela: Normally I find children to be repugnant, but I agree. Yvie is a special child.

Suddenly, a knock at the door and a cheerful voice calls out, "Trick or Treat."

Miss Elizabeth: I didn't think there would be trick or treaters at this hour. We don't have any candy.

Angela: I have a ninja star...

Miss Elizabeth: No, I'll just tell whoever it is to get candy elsewhere.

Miss Elizabeth answers the door,

Miss Elizabeth: Happy Halloween! Oh. No.

Lady Kale: Hello. I was looking for the lady of the manor. I believe you call her... Miss M.

To be continued!


  1. cool . love not only batman admiting he looks at porn and also that toy miss m reminds him of his mother as the reason they are not consumating their love. but looks like miss elibeth and angela are in for some trouble. plus can't believe skelator actully betrayed lady kale and warned toy miss m. not like him unless it suits his purpose

    1. I wanted there to be a problem between them and it just made since that it would be tied to his parents dying. Miss Elizabeth and Angela are in for some major trouble. Lady Kale is a huge threat. As for Skeletor, he didn't really betray her. She slapped a magic spell on him and in a way made him a weakling since he knew that Lady Kale had She-Ra. He was also the only one who did not lose his memories of She-Ra when Lady Kale wiped her away from existence. It gets to be a lot but it is all reaching a big conclusion soon. Hope you are doing well!

  2. OK-I love all this, story-wise, but you put Mac Tonight at the party -and I was SOO waiting for you to have him talk to M and I would get to see you jump into MY PERSONA!
    YOU writing ME would just be the funniest thing EVER!!!
    Well, it may still happen some day!
    Anyway, I LOVED that you did a riff on the lamest soap opera plot EVER! Haha! I remember when they did that on One Tree Hill! The whole, "My boyfriend watches PORN!!!" thing!
    It's never not funny!
    Happy Halloween! A good post, as always! But next time you use Mac, you should make him talk! Anyway, I am certain he had fun at the party! Haha!

    1. I wanted to have a Mac Tonight conversation! I just didn't have the time to fit in more stuff since this was already so long and I wanted it done in time for Halloween. However with the inclusion of Mac Tonight in the pictures, there will be future dialogue at some point.

      As for the porn story line, I don't know what it is, but I think porn is inherently a funny device. The whole library of porn thing that M mentions about Bruce was based off this friend I had many moons ago. He had the most insane library of porn on his computer. It was insanity. It would have taken him his entire life to watch it all, and I think he mostly had it for shock value to gross people out when he had parties, but it was so funny to me. So I liked the idea of incorporating that and M being clueless thinking that was the real problem with Bruce and her when it was really that he thinks of his dead mother when he gets close to being intimate with M. It just seemed icky and funny at the same time.

      Hope you had a nice and fun Halloween. And Mac will be in this again, trust me.