All My Toys: 330

Dear Diary,

Well. I went and did it big time bad. I don't know why I agreed to have my criminal parents move in with me temporarily. I am fully aware I should have just turned them in, but diary, what was I to do? For all their faults, they're still my parents. And truth be told, we were kinda living like a normal family for once. Except now I am in a jail cell, thanks to my boyfriend. It's all such a mess. I know Dick had to do his job, but seriously? I'm in frickin jail! Oh how the dorky have fallen.

-M

Miss M's childhood home, moments after the events of Episode 330!

Big Boy Caprice: (raised voice) That little piece of merda! I have hated that Dick Tracy since day one. Day one! He arrested my baby girl and I just ran.

Itchy: I'm sorry Big Boy, we had no choice. You got too many things to still do and you know what happens if you go to jail.

Cruella: What happens to him? 

Big Boy Caprice: They'll kill me. I know too much. That sniveling mayor will have it done in an instant.

Big Boy curses and begins hurling things across the house. 

Cruella: This hardly seems like the time to be wrecking things. Everything looked so nice.

Itchy: His temper will be the death of him. (shakes head) I worry about his heart.

Big Boy Caprice continues to curse Dick Tracy while breathing heavily.

Big Boy Caprice: I just ran off. What was I thinking? I ran. And I ran. 

Cruella: Al, take a deep breath or something. You're starting to sound like a flock of seagulls.

Big Boy Caprice: That's easy for you to say. You don't even care that they arrested our daughter.

Cruella: Don't be ridiculous. Of course I care. But she will be ok. You think that detective of hers is going to have something happen to her? She's the ticket to us. That's all.

Big Boy Caprice: Eh what are you talking about woman?

Cruella: That detective wants us. He knows we'll be worried about her in a jail cell. We do care Al. Regardless of what the history books say about us.

Itchy: Yeah, so I need to get you two outta here and then we can figure out how to bust the kid free.

Cruella: (waves hands in the air) No, no, no. No running. No breaking anyone out of jail. Al. You know what we need to do.

Big Boy Caprice: What is that?

Cruella: For once in our villainous little lives we need to do the right thing. Turn ourselves in.

Itchy: (gasps in the background) Wha-?!

Big Boy Caprice: Turn ourselves in eh? Even though my fate will be sealed?

Cruella: Since when do either of us care about fate? We've always made our own path forward. We've done enough to our daughter, we can't let her sit in a cell. Besides, that goody two shoes detective won't let anything happen to you while locked up. You're his chance to win whatever awards detectives win for solving crimes and whatnot. Watch, they'll turn it all into a movie.

Big Boy Caprice: Eh. I got a lotta enemies though. That lousy detective might be useless.

Cruella: And? Let him be useless. Since when has a weak fool gotten the best of you? You're Alphonse Caprice. 

Big Boy Caprice: Ok, ok. If we do this, we do this my way. Which means we need a plan. 

Cruella: Of course Al. You think I'd want us turning ourselves in and not have a plan? That's how we do this. I didn't escape paint free from the animal protests at the Spring 2006 Balanciaga show without the help of a plan. Now, let's get to work.

Channel 6 News, live interview. A couple days later. 

April O'Neil: President Luthor, numbers are still coming in, but it is looking like the public has a message for your administration this midterm season. How do you interpret that message?

President Luthor: I interpret it as the incompetence of the voters and everyone else in my party. I told everyone to vote like I was on the ballot. 

April O'Neil: So your interpretation is to blame everyone else?

President Luthor: What else would it mean Ms. O'Neil?

April O'Neil: Oh I don't know. Perhaps that the people of this country are tired of prices being so high for literally everything. Faux terror being created and thrown at minority communities. Hostile treatment towards other countries. The treatment of super heroes being kidnapped and relocated to other planets. The list can go on longer. The public does not want this. Even those who have voted for you.

President Luthor: I know what is best for this country, I am the president am I not? The people wanted someone to run this mess of a country like a business, and who better than I?

April O'Neil: That might be the biggest misconception. This country is not a business. 

President Luthor: What is that supposed to mean Ms. O'Neil?

April O'Neil: It means people in this country are not your employees. There shouldn't be a bottom line when it comes to people's basic needs being met. As president, you should be working for all of us, not the other way around. 

President Luthor: Ugh. Listen to yourself. I used to hold Channel 6 in such high regards. This used to be a quality news station, but now it has become a cheap shadow of itself peddling miserable woke ideas from all those pathetic radical agendas. Sad.

April O'Neil: I think it is sad that a man as powerful as yourself refuses to see what is right in front of him. Change is here President Luthor. How do you plan to meet that change?

President Luthor gets up and leaves the interview as April explains that the station will be right back after these messages.

Toy Valley. Police station.

Miss M: (sings off key) Jem is my name, no one else the same. Jem is my name!

Kissy Missy: (sings even more off key) But we're the Misfits, our songs are better! We are the Misfits, the Misfits! And we're gonna get her!

Miss M: Great! Great! You really captured the essence of Pizzazz and the Misfits with that round.

Kissy Missy: Oh thank you M! I am so happy to hear that. You really are a great director.

Miss M: Thanks. This isn't exactly the stage I'd want, but I think we'll make this jail house performance one for the ages.

Kissy Missy: Do you think on our second opening night we could swap roles and I could be Jem? She's truly outrageous.

Miss M: I don't see why not. I think the more characters we can practice as, the more we can avoid losing our minds in here.

Kissy Missy: Great! Do you think the real Jem would like my pink fur?

Miss M: Oh for sure. Just be glad my mom isn't here with us though. She'd try to turn you into a coat.

Kissy Missy: (chuckles) A coat? I don't get it. (pauses) Oh. I don't know what I'd look like with no fur.

Kissy Missy: Would you like to see? Do you want to see what's under this fur Miss M?

Miss M: Uhh...

Kissy Missy: Oh, hello. Are you here to see our Jem and the Holograms reimagining? 

Dick Tracy: Umm, no thanks. I'm here to release you.

Miss M: Who? Me?

Dick Tracy: No. Kissy Missy, your bail has been paid for.

Kissy Missy: Oh drat! Playtime is over. 

Kissy Missy: I was so close to being Jem.

Dick Tracy: Right. Stay out of trouble, ok?

Kissy Missy: Oh of course detective.

Miss M: Has bail been set for me yet?

Dick Tracy: No. Not yet.

Miss M: I don't understand. Why am I still here?

Dick Tracy: We've been over this. You were booked over the weekend.

Miss M: I get that, but by my calculations we're in a regular week now. I don't want to be locked in here.

Dick Tracy: The judge hasn't set bail yet. You're classified as a flight risk right now.

Miss M: Flight risk? Where would I go? This is my home. Well. Not this cell. Though I guess it's my home right now. But what I mean is Toy Valley is my home. I'm not going anywhere.

Dick Tracy: I don't make the rules. 

Miss M: Ok. You don't make the rules. Can you at least make some conversation with me? 

Dick Tracy: What do we talk about? 

Miss M: Dick. I'm your girlfriend. And I'm a babe behind bars right now. Are we going to be ok?

Dick Tracy: I don't know how to talk about that right now. You broke the law in a big way M. I don't know how we get past this.

Miss M: Dick. I was in an impossible situation. It was my parents! What was I supposed to do?

Dick Tracy: Say no more. Right now your words can be used against you in a big way. Do you understand?

Miss M: (eyes water) I understand.

Moments later.

Dick Tracy: (radios to Arcee) Any news? 

Arcee: (buzzes in) No sign or tips on Caprice or de Vil. Sorry Tracy.

Dick Tracy: Got it. Just keep me posted.

Dick Tracy: What are you doing here?

Bruce Wayne: I came here to post M's bail. 

Dick Tracy: Like I said to you yesterday, her bail hasn't been posted yet.

Bruce Wayne: Are you serious? Why not? Come on man, she's hardly a threat.

Dick Tracy: Hardly a threat? She was aiding and abetting two highly wanted criminals in this town. Now, I can understand that a wealthy man such as yourself thinks he can come in here waving his money around to grease the wheels of justice, but that's not how this works.

Bruce Wayne: I fight for justice as well, trust me, but you and I both know this is not right. M has been in a cell for days now. 

Dick Tracy: Believe me, that is the safest place she can be right now. If we let her out, it's only a matter of time before Big Boy gets her into more trouble or worse.

Bruce Wayne: Ah, I see. The good old jail cell as a protective fortress. Are you listening to yourself? That makes no sense. Unless...

Dick Tracy: Unless what?

Bruce Wayne: You're using her as bait aren't you? You want her locked up so her parents have a reason to show up. That's sick. You love this woman. How can you do this to her?

 

Dick Tracy: (slams fist on his desk) Damn it! You don't know what's going on here! You think I enjoyed arresting my girlfriend? You think I like M being in a cell downstairs? I have a job to do, and my top priority is making sure she is safe and bringing her parents to justice.

Bruce Wayne: You got a funny way of showing it Dick. I would like to see her, since you wouldn't let me yesterday. Or will that be a problem?

Dick Tracy: No. Not at all. You can talk to her for a few minutes. I'll get an officer to escort you.

Bruce smirks as he walks off.

A few moments later.

Miss M: Ok ladies, welcome to the one woman show of Jem and the Holograms, where yours truly will be performing the first season of Jem from memory! It's the hottest ticket in town!

Miss M: (gasps) Oh my goodness. Bruce!

Bruce Wayne: Hey.

Miss M: What are you doing here?

Bruce Wayne: I'm here to see you of course. 

Miss M: You must hate me. 

Bruce Wayne: I don't hate you, I just wish you would have come to me when your parents showed up. We could have figured out something. I'm trying to cover your bail, but your boyfriend is telling me bail has not been set yet.

Miss M: (hangs head) I know. I don't understand it. Apparently I am a flight risk. Please tell me Yvie has no idea what is going on?

Bruce Wayne: No idea at all. She's with Moth Lady and Wild One, they've been keeping her busy and away from the news.

Miss M: I've made the news?!

Bruce Wayne: Sort of. More like your mom and dad. We're worried Yvie will start asking questions.

Miss M: I really made a mess out of things.

Bruce Wayne: Stop. I can't say I'd make a different choice if I were in your shoes.

Miss M: Bruce, it was like we were a family again. Even though everything they have done has been horrible.

Bruce Wayne: You don't need to say anymore. I'm always going to be here for you. I can't stay long, but I'll be back. Ok?

Miss M: Ok.

Miss M: Oh, Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: Yes?

Miss M: Thank you.

Channel 6 News.

April O'Neil: Looks like I'll be banned from future interviews now. But, I can now get back to my regularly scheduled investigative story.

Vernon: Click, click, flash. How does it feel to be the president's latest rant on Truthor Media?

April O'Neil: (rolls eyes) Even his social media company sounds so lame. (sighs) Vernon, I am busy.

Vernon: Busy? 

April O'Neil: Yes. Busy. I have a story I am working on.

Vernon: Story? You are living the story right now. The midterms are all anyone is talking about and you just went toe to toe with President Luthor. This is all anyone will be talking about for at least a day or two.

April O'Neil: Get your camera out of my face. I have something more important to be dealing with right now.

Vernon: Oh, I remember. You've been trying to build a story about that toxic waste mishap in Toy Valley. April. Babe. That is lame. You need to strike while the flash is bright.

April O'Neil: By all means, you go to the light Vernon.

April O'Neil: I'm going on location, to Toy Valley.

Vernon: Suit yourself. More midterm coverage for me.

April O'Neil: Have at it.

Vernon: I will! 

April O'Neil: (snaps) Fine!

Vernon: (snaps back) Fine!

April O'Neil: (rolls eyes) Ugh why are you so infuriating!

Vernon: (laughs) See ya soon. Be careful.

April O'Neil: Yeah. You too.

Toy Valley. Paradisa Bar and Grill.

 

Winston: I'm hoping Bruce can get her out.

Glo: I'm so glad you called him.

Winston: He's been trying to visit her every day. 

Brian: That is insane she is still in jail. Have any of you visited?

Glo: I saw her briefly, but they're trying to limit who can see her. It's all so weird. I can't believe this is happening. 

Brian: Yeah. I'm going to be serious, I don't think M is cut out for jail. I heard she is trying to get her cellmates to join her in a Jem and the Holograms musical. This might fly in jail, but that kind of behavior could get you killed in prison.  

Winston: I doubt M will be sent to prison. What she did is serious, but there is no way Dick Tracy is going to let that happen to her.

Bruce Wayne: (walks in) I wouldn't be so sure.

Glo: Bruce! Thank you for meeting us. What do you mean by that?

Winston: Yeah, is there something you know?

Bruce Wayne: Dick Tracy told me bail has not been set because M is considered a flight risk. I think the real reason is that the police are using her as bait.

Brian: When did this become a Jaws movie?

Glo: What does that even mean? How can he do this? I thought he loved her.

Bruce Wayne: I'm sure he does, but he believes if she's locked up, M's parents will turn themselves in.

Brian: Yikes. She might be in that cell awhile then. Her mom tried to kill her and her dad is a ruthless mobster. They're probably in a whole other state now.

Winston: I'm with Brian, this sounds like a horrible idea. Do you think we could all talk to Dick?

Bruce Wayne: Dick is not budging on this. There's nothing we can do but wait. I've got my lawyers working on everything as we speak. I will get her out of there.

Glo: Lawyers are a start. Bruce, there must be a way. What about Batman? Is it possible that Batman could maybe locate M's parents?

Bruce Wayne: How would I know if Batman could be of help?

Glo: It's ok Bruce. Brian knows about your secret identity too.

Winston: Yeah.

Brian: For sure. I've known for years.

Bruce Wayne: Hell. Does everyone know?

Brian: I dunno, prob-

Glo: No one else really. Aside from whoever else you know that knows.

Winston: Sounds like a lot to keep up with.

Bruce Wayne: Ok. It's not a bad idea. I'll see what I can learn. Or rather what Batman can learn.

Glo: (shakes head) We understood what you meant. Let's just get M home already.

The group of friends all nod in agreement. 

Up next!

More babes behind bars!