Sunday, November 30, 2014

November 2014 Woman of Wonderosity

Dear Diary,

I just crashed a wedding. I don't even know how I am able to write this diary entry right now, but I'm making it real quick. I have returned to my original body and come back to Earth just in time to reunite with my love, Michelangelo. Only he is getting ready to marry Mona Lisa, who should actually be with Raphael, but this is like one of those alternate toy universes that has nothing to do with the original source material, it's just a lovingly fun lil tribute for all that is great and dorky. I should get going though, everyone is staring at me right now...

-Miss M

Michelangelo: What are you doing here?

Miss M: Hi. I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be interrupting. But I kinda am. I know this must be soo awkward.

Mona Lisa: Ya think? This is our wedding.

Michelangelo: What are you doing here?
Miss M: Look, I don't know what I'm doing. I just really need to speak to you Michelangelo.

Mona Lisa: Tha hell.
Michelangelo: What are you doing here?

Miss M: I should go. I'm so sorry.

Miss M turns to leave, unable to look at anyone, only keeping her eyes on the exit door.

Michelangelo: Wait. Don't go.

Miss M: What?

Mona Lisa: Mikey, what are you doing?
Michelangelo: Look, I know this is not how you wanted the wedding to go down, but I need to talk to her.

Mona Lisa: No. You can't do that.
Michelangelo: I'll be right back.

Michelangelo walks towards Miss M.

Michelangelo: We need to talk privately. I need to totally understand what is happening right now.
Miss M: Ok.

Miss M and Michelangelo walk off quickly.

Mona Lisa stands there in shock.

April: Miss M is alive.
Casey: Yeah, and this wedding looks like it might not happen.
April: I don't know who to feel sorry for.

Mona Lisa: Oh my. Oh my. Don't panic. I can't breathe. I feel dizzy. Where are the Care Bears?

Sydney: Mona Lisa, are you ok?

Mona Lisa: I'm in my wedding dress and my groom-to-be just walked off. I don't know what to do.
Sydney: It's gonna be ok.

Mona Lisa: How? He just walked off with his dead girlfriend, who is not even dead. Oh my Kowl. She's a zombie. This just turned into the Walking Dead. It's happening. The zombie apocalypse is happening.

Sydney: Honey, you need to breathe. She's not a zombie. (calls out to the audience) Ok, the wedding is just taking a bit of a pause. I think it best that we all have a drink. Someone pass out some champagne. We all need a drink. Or two.

Reverend Lovejoy: This is a church, not an open bar!

Sydney: Well, bring out the wine then. Geez.

Jessica: Wow. This story just got juicy, wait till we broadcast this on Z! News! Must take note of everything if I plan on getting out of this hell hole.

In a secluded spot...

Miss M: Michelangelo, I am so sorry.
Michelangelo: How dorkette? How are you here? You died in an explosion. You died! We had a funeral.

Miss M: I did. This is true. I went to the After Life and met a lot of really great people, but then I came back to Earth trapped in the wrong body, and a long series of months later, I have finally found my way back to you. I can explain this all later, but right now, can we just relish the excitement that I'm back? I'm right here! I've missed you so much!
Michelangelo: I've totally missed you too, more than you could know.

Michelangelo: (the hug) Wow, you feel so real, it's really you.
Miss M: Of course.

Michelangelo: I never thought you'd be in my arms again. You still smell the same. So sweet.

Miss M: Well I'm glad I don't smell like rotted flesh. I've missed this so much. What do we do? I just interrupted your wedding. I feel awful.
Michelangelo: Don't feel awful.
Miss M: What do we do?
Michelangelo: I don't know dudette. This was not supposed to happen. I feel like I'm in some gnarly soap opera right now.

Miss M: Let's just run away together. We can pick up where we left off.
Michelangelo: As nice as that sounds, I can't dorkette. Come on M, you know I can't do that.
Miss M: I know. So what do we do?
Michelangelo: Ahh! I don't know! This totally blows! You're right here in front of me! I love you so much.
Miss M: I love you too.

Michelangelo: Say the word M, tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth, but there's one thing you gotta ask yourself. If we truly love each other, than how come I couldn't get that it was you in the wrong body? How come I couldn't believe you?
Miss M: I don't know, I guess it was just too much to believe.
Michelangelo: I'm a talking turtle M. It would not have been that far off to believe you.
Miss M: What are you saying? I don't understand.

Michelangelo: I know you dorkette. You are a bodacious babe and one day you are going to wonder these things and it could be something that might tear us apart, ya know, that I couldn't believe you. Maybe the whole point of this story is that you can be the one who saves yourself, that you don't have to get a man in the end.

Miss M: (shakes her head) Wait, what is happening? I'm confused. I'm right here. I came back for you.
Michelangelo: But M, I should not have been the reason you came back to Earth. You have family and a slew of friends. Coming back for me, I mean, I'm just a talking turtle in a plastic half shell.

Miss M: Wait, stop right now. Just stop. I get it. I am well aware that I need to pick myself up and dust my heels off and be my own hero. But damn it Michelangelo, I love you. I don't need to be saved or rescued, I'm not a damsel in distress, but I just want to be loved. I am a wonderful person that just wants to find love. We had that. We can still have that!

Michelangelo: M, I totally love you, but I also love Mona Lisa.

Miss M: And there it is. Forget all the mumbo gumbo, you  just aren't that into me anymore.
Michelangelo: No, that's not it...
Miss M: Save it! I don't want to be with you anyway. My goodness, I haven't even been dead a year and you were going to marry someone else!

Michelangelo: She really helped me through a tough time...

Miss M: Oh I'm sure she did! Just save it! I don't care what she did. I can't believe I was so stupid.

Michelangelo: You aren't stupid, no one would have ever thought this would happen M.
Miss M: Leave me alone. This was such a mistake. I have to go.
Michelangelo: Wait, don't leave like this.

Miss M: Kiss my grits you baboon!

Michelangelo: I'm a turtle.
Miss M: I don't care!

Miss M: (stops and turns in a flash of anger) Oh, and I'm taking the dog with me! Chewie was a gift meant for me, and he goes where I go!

Michelangelo: Well, I mean, my brothers and I have been living in your house since the sewer lair was destroyed. You can have your home back. We'll find a place at some point. Maybe the Morlocks will share some sewer space with us...

Miss M: (sighs) Look, I might be mad and hurt, but I'm not going to kick you out. You can still stay in my house until you guys find a new place. I'll find somewhere else for the time being. I've gotten used to moving around this past year.

Michelangelo: M. I do love...
Miss M: (fights back tears) Stop. Don't say it. Deep down I wouldn't want you to choose me anyway. Not like this. Goodness I'm such a pushover. Always doing the right thing.
Michelangelo: That's what makes you so great.
Miss M: Go to your bride.

Miss M rushes off back to the wedding.

Miss M: I'm so sorry for this. I would have snuck out the back door, but there was only one way to leave. I'm terribly sorry.

Miss M: You make a lovely bride. He loves you very much.

Mona Lisa: He loves me...

Miss M: He chose you. I'm so sorry for being here.

Miss M runs off.

April: Wait. M, wait!

April chases her friend outside.

April: M! Stop!

Miss M: What?!
April: You're actually back.

Miss M: I've been back for awhile. I was trapped in the body of Moth Lady.
April: Oh shit. It was you this whole time.

Miss M: Yeah, it was me. This whole time I've been reaching out to the people who I thought loved and cared about me, and you all left me to live under a bridge! The only company I had for months was a psychopathic talking roach!
April: M, we had no idea.

Miss M: Of course not. We coexist with mutants and super heroes. Some of our closest friends are talking freaking turtles! Doctors have found a way to inject toxins into your face to freeze it! We live in magnificent times, so why wouldn't it be possible that I had come back into the wrong body?
April: I don't know.

Miss M: That's right. You don't know because you are just a nasty friend.

April: Why are you getting mad at me?

Miss M: Because you have been a terrible friend. I've watched you these past few months. I thought maybe my death would have changed you, but you are still the same vapid self absorbed bee with an itch that you have always been! Knocking people into wells. Being unable to take any responsibility for your own actions. Having no clue about being nice to anyone! Even if you didn't believe I was in Moth Lady's body, I was living under a bridge and needed help! I was still a human being! Damn it April. You're a lousy friend. There. I said it.

April: Sweetie, you're just really upset right now. The love of your life just chose to marry another woman...
Miss M: Don't tell me anything. I know what I just lost. I've lost everything.
April: Well come on now silly, you still have me. I'm your best friend.

Miss M: You were my best friend. Fact is, I don't feel like I know any of you. I mean come on! You threw Megan Fox down a well. April, you've jumped the shelf.

April: It's shark. You are supposed to say that someone has jumped the shark.

Miss M: What does that even mean, that makes no sense!
April: I'm sure there's an explanation.
Miss M: I don't care. I'm out of here.

April: But where are you going to go?

Miss M: I'll figure it out. I always do.

April: (stands still as Miss M walks off) Oh M, shit.

Inside the Precious Moments chapel...

Mona Lisa: Do you really want to do this?

Michelangelo: Of course. I do. I'm here, with you babe.

Mona Lisa: (smiles with tears in her eyes) Ok.

Reverend Lovejoy: All right, shall we get this show on the road then?
Michelangelo: Totally.

The wedding continues without a hitch.

And while two lovers join their hands and hearts in matrimony, a sliver of pain scratches at his heart. Michelangelo is full of smiles, but later on when he has a moment to himself, he will weep for the life he could have had with the one and only M.

Later on at the wedding reception...

Jessica: This is Jessica Wray for Z! News and we are here live at Bow's Place for the Wedding Reception of Michelangelo and Mona Lisa. The wedding was a sparkly affair that nearly didn't happen. Fellow wedding crasher Miss M burst into the church fighting for her man, though there was no man to be found for her as love truly prevailed today.

Jessica: Joining me is Reverend Lovejoy, Reverend, it's another wedding under your belt. Do you enjoy awards season, I mean, wedding season?

Reverend Lovejoy: Well I must say weddings and funerals are when I come out to do my work most, but I do prefer weddings more. This was a special one. It felt like an episode of All My Children or One Life to Live.

Jessica: Yes, very much so, now tell me, who was the best dressed and who do you think was the worst?

Reverend Lovejoy: Uhhh...

Donatello: I can't believe that Miss M is alive. What a strange world!

Leonardo: Yes, I agree. But do you think that our brother made the right decision?

Raphael: No he did the wrong thing. Obviously.
Donatello: I don't know, clearly he was torn.

Splinter: My sons, there is no need to speculate. What's done has been done, there is no going back. Michelangelo made his choice. He will have to live with it.

Raphael: Or just get a divorce like everyone else.

She-Ra: Storm, I'm so glad you are here. We need to talk. I'm stepping down as president of the Council of Female Super Heroes, effectively immediately. I want you to be the new leader of the group.

Storm: Really? Me? Does this have to do with my discussion on more diversity in the Council?
She-Ra: Partly. I won't lie. What you said was true, there does need to be more diversity and I think your ideas will help usher in a new era of female super heroes. Plus, you're just a great leader. My goodness Storm, you have always been the face of the X-Men.
Storm: I don't know about that. There was a whole other class before me.

She-Ra: Really? And just where is that original team huh? Jean is dead. Scott has become a douche lord. Bobby is best at being quick with a joke. And for Hank, well, the more he evolves the more lovable and fluffy he becomes. That just leaves you.

Storm: Well, you're forgetting Warren.

She-Ra: Ah, yes. Warren, or Angel. Well let's see, Warren believes he is a high school student at the Jean Grey Institute. He can't even remember being on the original team. Come on Storm. You are the X-Men. So say you will lead the Council of Female Super Heroes. Please.
Storm: I'll think about it. Let me have some time.

She-Ra: Sure. But we both know you'll say yes.
Storm: Oh of course. But let me just keep you guessing.
She-Ra: Ha. You are such a dear friend.

Storm: I know.

April: Casey, I feel like I am losing her all over again. I mean, M just came back, and now she hates me.

Casey: Hon, she's hurting. Her heart has been broken. She won't hate you forever. I promise.

April: I can only hope you are right.

Mona Lisa: Mikey, are you ok? You're eyes are watery, have you been crying?
Michelangelo: No way dudette. These are just allergies.

Mona Lisa: Uh huh. Sure. Come on Mikey, you can tell me. We're married now. I know it wasn't easy seeing her.
Michelangelo: No, it wasn't. I just want her to be ok. Hey.
Mona Lisa: Yes?

Michelangelo: I love you.

Mona Lisa: I love you too.

Else where...

Bruce Wayne: Why are you leaving?

Miss M: You gave me some stupid Cozy Coupe to drive. I stubbed my feet! Besides, I just want to be alone. I've got my important items packed, and soon my dog. I don't need anything else.

Bruce Wayne: M, this is insanity. I have this huge house.

Miss M: Bruce, I'm not relying on the help of a man ever again.

Bruce Wayne: Oh no. Please don't become some man bashing militant chick with hairy armpits.

Miss M: (prepares to walk off) Really rich socialite boy? Really? Screw you! If I want to grow out the hair on my armpits I can! If I want to say that some men on this world suck, I can!

Miss M: For the record, I'd never grow out my armpit hair. That's just grody. Goodbye Bruce.

Bruce Wayne: Le sigh. How could anyone not care about her?

Across town at the jailhouse...

Blue-Haired Lawyer: Your trial is coming up soon. We need to go over a few things.

Velvet Sky: Has my sister tried contacting you? Has she been making payments for your services?

Blue-Haired Lawyer: No, she has not. Don't worry though, I'll make sure I am paid. Now listen well, this is how we are going to make sure you get away with murder...

Velvet Sky: (listens to the plan) Got it.

And finally...

Daredevil: I'm glad you could make it. I really need a favor to ask. I've been handed a case, it's a big one. Some wrestling actress is accused of murdering some dorky girl in the sewers. It seems like a pretty air tight case, but I can't take it on right now because of my own case load. However, I know that you need some work as of late...

She-Hulk: Yes, thank you. I do need work. It sucks getting fired from a job that I do so well. Right everyone? I mean, just who does Marvel think they are? Don't I show enough green cleavage? My cleavage is so green it helps save the environment. I'm giving people what they want while sneaking in a damn good story in the process.

Daredevil: Who are you talking to?

She-Hulk: My fans.

She-Hulk: Now, when would I need to start?

Daredevil: Trial is set for some time in December. Do you think you could handle it?

She-Hulk: Of course I do. This ain't my first rodeo. Give me the case. I'll make sure that this Velvet Sky pays for her crimes. She's goin down.

November 2014 Woman of Wonderosity!


  1. Don't worry She-Hulk, you'll still get work now that you're a co-star in the new Howard the Duck series.

    That sounded more comforting in my head....

    1. Oh really? I did not know she would be joining Howard the Duck in the new series? I'm suddenly feeling very jealous right now... lol

  2. she hulk should not have to worry about work. for keeping howard the duck out of trouble in his new series and helping keep it last is enough work for her. plus proably going to have defend toy miss m. once velvet sky learns she is alive . and figured that toy miss m would prove her love for mickey is so true she even let him marry mona lisa.

    1. I have to tell you, I am so excited to see what they do with the new Howard the Duck series! Should be pretty interesting.

  3. I am SO glad Miss M finally stood up to April! She has always been so mean to you! And you just have taken it! But now you have finally told her and everyone else to fuck off! I like this new ornery M!!
    But I sincerely hope that on real life you do know where the term, "Jump
    the Shark" came from. Or you will lose some serious pop culture cred! Every girl should care about the show that started the career of the great Suzi Quatro!!
    Now that you have She Hulk in the mix, I think it's high time Deadpool should be elected an Heroic Hottie!! -He is the other great Marvel fourth wall breaker, AND he has movie coming out in 2016! (Finally!)
    Oh, and Mikey might have been wrong to marry Mona Lisa, but he was right about one very important thing, you are, in fact, one "bodacious babe"! Keep up the great work!

    1. Haha. Yes, I do know where jump the shark came from. lol

      So yes, I really wanted M and April to finally really have it out. For many reasons that will make sense towards the end of 2014.

      I am all about Deadpool being in here, I just don't have an action figure of him yet. It is so sad. I can't believe that he is not in my collection. And thanks, I would like to think I am a bodacious babe. lol I really hope you enjoy the rest of the stories for 2014.