So let's see. A great deal is going on right now. I've begun the arduous process of dating. It has been brought to my attention that online dating is the quickest way to meet quality men. So I've done that. I have a profile. My fingers are ready to swipe. More importantly though there will be new office space for Diary of a Dorkette! After the original offices were burned to the ground, April O'Neil has been busy getting a new office up and running! To celebrate there will also be a huge ball. A ball! I love balls. It's just the perfect... Wait. Damn it Diary I hope you know what I mean when I say I love balls. I'm talking about huge grand balls, the kind you dress up for. And you do a little dancing. Crap. I'm just going to shut up.
Editor's note: What you are about to read is based off of partially true events. Miss M recently began the process of dating and putting herself back on the market months ago. Some of her more disastrous dates will be played out in toy form for the world to see. And judge.
Once upon the present, in Ponyville...
Miss M: Oh, I don't eat people's homes. Your place is safe. Either way I wanted to stop by because I haven't seen you in awhile. You are my guardian angel pony!
Miss M: I can imagine.
Pinkie Pie: Have you been ok?
Pinkie Pie: You did what?!
Miss M: Yes. I put myself on a dating site. In fact, I have a date later on today.
Miss M: Well he's a really great guy. We haven't met in person but we have been texting and talking on the phone. He is really handsome too. He works on boats so he has tan skin and dirty blond hair, but he isn't weathered by the elements.
Pinkie Pie: Sounds like a dream boat hunk!
Pinkie Pie: So. Age is only but a number. Besides, you're talking to a pony in a house made of candy. Your maturity is not totally on point.
Pinkie Pie: Well I'm super excited for you! I can't wait to hear all about it!
Later on, the night unfolds as Miss M goes to meet her online date at fancy French restaurant Tres Bliss!
Miss M: Hmm. Where could he be?
Miss M: (smiles, remembering her joke about being a mermaid) Ah yes, I do have legs. Since I am part mermaid and all, I do have to keep those fins under wraps.
Miss M: Gee. Thanks.
Miss M: Ok.
Waiter: Enjoy your... date. (snickers)
Captain McCallister: Yarr, thy it is. I make sure that the boats are delivering the correct supplies to the correct destinations. It is only sort of fascinating. My actual job is only as interesting as the company I keep lass. I look over a rather motley crew. The Poles are hard workers while the Russians on the trip stick to themselves and I fear they can't be trusted. As for the Islanders, they might be lazy from time to time but they can cook. So can the Asians, those crazy bastards.
Captain McCallister: I'm 27.
Miss M: Are you sure? Is this real life? You have a very older feeling type of spirit. Or whatever.
Captain McCallister: Yarr. Of course I smoke a pipe. I'm rather fond of it.
Miss M: My grandfather smoked a pipe. I didn't realize it had come back in vogue.
Miss M: Yeah. I guess so.
Captain McCallister: What do you do again? Something about talking to toys?
Captain McCallister: You're weird.
Miss M: Wow, really? You are calling me weird?
Miss M: Is this real life? What is happening on this date? This guy is too weird and what's with his voice changing?
Soon the food arrives, and the date is still gone...
Miss M: Oh my goodness.What if this is a trick? What if he left and he is planning on stealing my car? If I freakin leave and my car is gone I am going to be so mad.
Miss M: Oh this online dating thing is a damn mess.
Miss M: But the food looks good.
Suddenly, a voice calls out from behind...
Miss M: Actually, someone already... Spock!?
Miss M: How do you know my name?
Miss M: Wait. This can't be real. You aren't here, you have passed on...
Spock: Please. No need to go there. Clearly there is enough of me to live on in the hearts of many. I also do not wish to know my fate at this present time as I am coming to you from the future by way of the past.
Spock: No. You are not. I am from the past and in my past I got my hands on a time traveling device that projected me to the future. In this future I was told to come to this present time to see you.
Miss M: Why me? I don't even really know you.
Miss M: Whaa?
Miss M: What evil force?
Miss M: I don't understand.
Spock: Blast it. Her powers have far reaching effects. I cannot say her name. Just know that you must be careful. Do not allow your world to end Miss M.
Miss M: Umm, thank you? I guess? I am so confused.
Miss M: Thanks for that. Oh, and Spock?
Spock: Thank you. I would say to live long and prosper, however, just live. It's the one gift we should never take for granted.
March 2015 Heroic Hottie!
Miss M: Huh?
Miss M: Ok. Well. I think I'm done.
Patron: Umm, no. My name is Brad.
Captain McCallister: Totally fine. That was not my co-worker. Whew. That was close.
Bebop: Shredder is going to be so pleased with us. We did something right. Now come on, let's bag her and send her to get melted down into the drug Plastic!
Bebop: Just remember, we aren't supposed to hurt her.
Rocksteady: We were told not to hurt her too much.
Bebop: Whatever, let's just follow Shredder's orders.
Rocksteady: What's so special about turning little ponies into Plastic anyway?
Bebop: Who knows? Maybe the high is really good. It doesn't matter. Once the stupid pink pony comes downstairs, we'll grab her and take her away.
Pinkie Pie: Umm. You're taking me away?
Pinkie Pie: So... I'm not planning a party?
Rocksteady: No. This is a toynapping.
Pinkie Pie: Umm, gulp?
They slam the door shut and enact their diabolical plan to kidnap Pinkie Pie. All she can do is scream.
Miss M: I just wanted to see what you were doing. I had actually wanted to stop by and talk with Pinkie Pie, but she wasn't home. I went on a really bad date tonight. Like, the worst.
Miss M: That's great April.
It's a wild night out at Arkham Asylum: the Club!
Helspont reaches the After Life!
Will She-Ra escape the clutches of the omnipotent Lady Kale?
Miss M continues to go on more treacherous dates!
All this and more unfolds as the build up to the 500th post continues!