December 2015 Bodacious Baddie

Dear Diary,

Things have gotten messy on Main Street. Hordak and Catra are in fisticuffs. We're trying to find the other Cat Ladies to help. We're also trying to find a way to stop Lady Kale. She's this supreme cosmic force that wants me destroyed on account that I died and came back to life thanks to Maleficent's magic. Now it's like nothing makes sense anymore. I feel like at any moment the world is going to crumble all around me, like in one of those Marvel comic events. Speaking of those Marvel events, I wonder when the latest Secret Wars event will be over. I feel like it's been dragged out for far too long. Anyways, my world needs saving. Comic talk can wait.

-Miss M

Miss M: So that's the problem with why I won't speak to her anymore. I was basically told my flat hair is lifeless, like a limp dick. I have limp dick hair. You think you can let people in your life ya know? Of course that has nothing to do with the current situation. I just enjoy conversing.

Miss M: So that's really it Godzilla. Back to my original point; I am hoping I reason with Lady Kale, girl to girl, and find a way to have her bring the universe back to the way it was.

Godzilla: Rawr.

Miss M: I know! That's really why I miss Yvie. I didn't think I'd be ready for motherhood. Especially since the way Yvie was conceived. It wasn't the most traditional of ways. But she's my baby. The only baby I'll ever have on account that my eggs are a lil cracked in the carton if you know what I mean.

Godzilla: Rawr, rawr. Hiss.

Miss M: I know. And that's why you make the perfect boyfriend material because you'd love me just the way I am. However you live in my head, so technically you have to say all those nice things.

Batman: M? Who are you talking to?

Miss M: Oh shit.

Miss M: No one. I was just daydreaming. How is Catra doing out there?

Batman: Well, it's hard to tell, but it doesn't look good.

Hordak: What's the matter Catra? Losing steam?

Catra: I'm just getting warmed up heavy breather.
Hordak: Oh give up already Catra. Return to your real home, with the Horde. You were always better as a villain. Help me usher in a new Fright Zone.

Catra: Never! You are as appealing as a rotten donut from the dumpster. Sure it's tempting, but it's hardly fresh.

Hordak: Than you must die my dear.

Hordak: Feel the force of my powerful wind blades! (opens up a stream of powerful bladed wind towards Catra.)

Catra: I can't move with such centrifugal force being hurled at me! (editor's note: imagine all that centrifugal force! Hey, I've got a limited budget and CGI is not on the list. Plus I'm not entirely sure I know what centrifugal force means.)

Hordak: That's it Catra. What is this, life number nine? I so want you gone.

Catwoman: Hey piss-ant.

Hordak: (snorts) You Cat Ladies are something else.

Catwoman: We sure as hell are. Now leave her alone!

Catra strikes in her armored cat suit!

Catra: (hisses an alarm) Cat Ladies, claws out!

Some of the Cat Ladies soon arrive!

Hellcat: Did someone say claws out?

Blackcat: I love it when my claws are out.

Cheetah: We get it, the innuendo is strong with this one. Now come on, let's make Hordak our fancy feast!

Blackcat: We aren't really going to eat him are we?
Cheetah: What do you really think? It was just a clever cat joke based off our team name.
Blackcat: I figured.

Catra: All right Cat Ladies! For all our fallen felines. Let's crush him!

 The Cat Ladies descend upon Hordak!

Hordak can only snort as he gets ripped to shreds.

High above the city in a helicarrier...

Nick Fury: I need someone to give me details on what's going on down there! Now! We're dealing with a major event. Energy readings are off the charts.

Deadpool: So is my empty stomach. Do you know if they sell chimichangas in the cafeteria here?

Nick Fury: What in the hell are you doing here?

Deadpool: I know what you must be thinking. After all these years Miss M and her neurotic behind, cute as it is, finally got me the merc with a mouth in her damn story.

Nick Fury: I need to know what's going on down below. The Avengers might need to be called out for this. Now is not the time to be interacting with you.

Deadpool: Ha ha. The Avengers? Aren't they busy for the next decade? Come on Nick. Can I call you Nick?

Nick Fury: Get off my helicarrier.

Deadpool: That's the thing though, this isn't even a real helicarrier. This play-set has been used for at least three other locations. You probably noticed that already. So here's the thing. How is this story going to end?
Nick Fury: Someone get me some answers please, I'm getting pissed.

Deadpool: Calm down Samuel. Can I call you Samuel?

Nick Fury: Who the hell is Samuel?

Deadpool: Maybe Mr. L. Jackson if you're nasty? Oh that can't get old, am I right?

Nick Fury: You're frying my nerves.

Deadpool: You know what else needs to be frying? My damn chimichangas. That Miss M though, she really messed things up huh? I can't believe this story has lasted this long. You all reading at home or wherever, you all deserve a shiny medal. Or at least a cheap dull one. How could any of you keep reading this mess? She's not even writing me appropriately. I haven't even dropped one F-

Nick Fury: Shut up already. The world is in danger and S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to help save the day.

Deadpool: Good luck with that. We need to see what's going on in Dimension X. Something that I never thought I'd say. Ah the sweet smell of crossover synergy. Or was that just gas?

In Dimension X,

Some people are fast asleep while others mingle trying to enjoy each other's company.

Rose: I hope you are finding your stay here accommodating.

Irma: Yes, I have been.

Maleficent: As have I.

Rose: Wonderful. I see some of your friends have been resting. This is good. They will need it.
Irma: (looks to Maleficent) What are the odds that we'd both be here?
Maleficent: I suppose it is mildly interesting.

Irma: You know Miss M. You were a part of that whole Total Darkness event during the Summer of 2014.

Maleficent: I wasn't just a part dear, I practically started it all.
Irma: Yeah. I hope Miss M is ok.

Maleficent: She should be just fine.

Irma: Oh I'm not sure. Back when I was on Earth there was this talk of some cosmic entity searching for her. It was crazy stuff.

Maleficent: (plays dumb) Is that so?

Ed: What are we talking about ladies?
Irma: Miss M.

Ed: Ohhh, my favorite topic. That's my main squeeze.
Maleficent: He wishes.

Ed: Seriously though, she's my princess of power. The woman I built a Crystal Castle replica for in the After Life. She's the whole reason why I'm even here in the first place.

Irma: Yeah, M had mentioned you a few times. These are such strange times, I can't believe we're all here.

Maleficent: I have to go and think about a few things. Excuse me.
Irma: So, you do realize that M is with Bruce Wayne right?

Ed: Yeah. Still doesn't change how I feel about her. Once we're reunited in the After Life again, we'll live our days out in the Crystal Castle replica and it will be awesome.

Irma: Good for you for sticking to a dream.

Dask: Rose, we need to talk.
Rose: What is it?

Dask: Kala just informed me that one of our guests has fallen into deep sleep.

Rose: Oh no. I told them all not to fall into deep sleep. Have we been tracked yet?

Dask: I'm not sure.

Kala: Rose! Rose! We need to wake everyone up. The deep sleeper is being tracked by a Dream Beaver.

Rose: Ooh Dream Beaver. I believe you can get me through the night. If they locate us that is.

Suddenly sirens go off.

Irma: What is that?

Zak: No way cool cats! We're under attack! A Dream Beaver! Who fell asleep?

Kala: It's Krang! Everyone scatter!

Winston: Man who took a nap and brought this hell on us?

The rebels in Dimension X prepare for an invasion,

Irma: Guy Friday!

Guy Friday: I'm right here.

Irma: Where are the Ghostbusters? We need to get everyone together!

Krang: No one is to be taken alive!

Screams fill the rebel hideout!

Ed: Umm, ok our fearless fairy, what do we do now?
Oola: I'll fight if I must.
Maleficent: No need for that. We're leaving.

Oola: Where? This dimension is dingy.

Maleficent: The two of you are going back to my spell-casting friend. I want you to travel to Dimension Z and wait for me.

Ed: That sounds more dangerous than staying here and fighting.

Maleficent: It will be, but you want to help save Miss M right?
Ed: Well yeah.

Maleficent: Fine then, get to Dimension Z and wait for me.
Oola: You won't be with us?

Maleficent: I'm going to Earth to take care of something. I'll meet you in Dimension Z. Now hurry, get out of here.

Oola: Come on Ed!

Ed: I'm right with ya. Be careful Maleficent.

Maleficent: Of course.

Ray: Well this sucks. I just wanted a nap; not some insane raid by Mother Brain's love child.

Janine: Come on, we need to leave!

Lord Dregg: Grab the princess!

Krang: Hold on. I hear a chant. Prepare for dimension hopping!

Maleficent mutters a chant to call forth Magik!

Magik: You called?

Maleficent: I need your help.

Magik: Everyone does. I'm like the Uber for inter-dimensional travel.

Maleficent: You should market that. Now take me to Earth.

Magik: Of course.

Magik prepares to bring Maleficent to Earth.

Soon a portal opens leading to their destination. If you squint you can totally see the portal.

Magik: Hurry, before anyone notices us.

It's all fun and games,

until someone follows them back...

On Earth,

Miss M: Great job Cat Ladies!

Catra: I should have been able to handle him on my own.

Blackcat: Don't beat yourself up. You could have totally handled him on your own.

Catwoman: We just stick together. You forget Catra, he has hurt all of us.

Miss M: Ok, speaking of hurt, this tale has gone on long enough. I don't understand why Lady Kale hasn't made herself known yet. All I've heard for months was how this big bad cosmic force was looking for me, and here I am. Where the hell is she?

Hellcat: Have you ever thought that she is here. Watching and waiting for just the right time?

Miss M: I just wish she'd get on with it. This is insane.

Miss Elizabeth: M, there you are! I've been looking for you.
Miss M: Please don't tell me you are leaving with Yvie. I need to say goodbye.

Miss Elizabeth: Yvie is just fine M. Just fine.

Miss M: I know that's not true. I know she will be going with you to the After Life.

Miss Elizabeth: Oh M. I wanted to spare you that detail.

Miss M: It's ok. I get it, but I have to say goodbye to her. Please.

Miss Elizabeth: We're not leaving to the After Life just yet. Yvie is still at the Wayne Manor ruins with Alfred and Angela. I'm here for another reason.

Miss M: Lady Kale?
Miss Elizabeth: No. Maleficent.

Maleficent: Hello dork girl.
Miss M: What are you doing here?

Maleficent: I traveled from Dimension X. I was looking for you at Wayne Manor and found Miss Elizabeth instead. I had to make sure you were all right. Also, I'm going to kill Lady Kale.

Miss M: How?

Maleficent: With you of course. You have so much power running through your veins, you don't even realize it. That's why she wants you gone and why she hasn't faced you yet. She can't wipe you from the universe like the rest of us. You are her ultimate threat.
Miss M: I can't be much of a threat, I don't even know where she is.

Maleficent: It doesn't matter. We go where we can do the most damage. Now come on we're going to Dimension Z. I thought I could do this on my own but I can't.

Batman: I'm not letting M leave without me.

Maleficent: Oh lord. As charming as you think you might be Batman, this doesn't concern you.

Batman: The hell it does. I'm not leaving her side.

Miss M: He won't give up. Just let him join us.

Maleficent: Whatever, come on.

Miss Elizabeth: Maleficent? Did you bring any unwanted visitors with you?

Miss M: Gulp.

Krang descends from the sky in a giant android body! The crowd gathered round the city streets begins to fill with panic.

Krang: Fellow Earthlings, the ultimate invasion has begun.

Miss M and her friends scramble to find a way out of this mess.

Catwoman: We are supposed to now fight this thing?!

Blackcat: (runs off with her friends) No offense everyone, but I'm sort of tapped out.

April: Chris, are you getting this?

Chris: Yep. Cool grody potential relative to Mother Brain is about to make Earth his bitch.

April: This is the story of the year.

Krang wants to stomp out the residents of Earth.

All that anyone can do is run.

With no real concise idea of where to go, the group simply scatters for safety.

Miss M calls out for someone to slow down and help her, she can feel a rock in her shoe.

Krang and his android body growl out massive noises as he stomps towards the screaming crowd.

Miss M: (falls to the ground) Help! I can't run in heeled booties!

Miss M: (looks up) Well, I guess this is it. I'm going to be stomped on.

Krang: I won't stomp you out dork girl, I'll just pulverize you with my lasers!

Suddenly, the ground trembles...

Miss M: What!? It can't be...

Miss M: It is! It's...

Miss M: Godzilla Vs. Krang!

Godzilla: RAWR! RAWWWR!

Krang: You're no match for me!

Miss M: I wouldn't count your brain cells yet Krang. You're about to lose a few.

Miss M: (quickly walks away to a safe location) A pity, I used to love this street.

Two titans toss each other around like rag dolls.

Godzilla snarls and hisses his roar! Can you just imagine the sound effects if this was all live action? Well, it was live action when I played with it all in my room.

There's carnage and destruction everywhere as Godzilla and Krang fight a most epic battle!

 Miss M: (beams in excitement) I'll be damned. He is real.

The king of the monsters knocks Krang down with a one two punch and maybe a bite.

Godzilla: RAAWWWWR!

Miss M: Godzilla! You saved our lives!

Godzilla: Rawr.
Miss M: Damn it you have got to be the best boyfriend material ever.

Maleficent: Are we done here yet? There are bigger things for us to worry about. Namely... her.

Lady Kale: This has gone on long enough, hasn't it? Miss M, I've been looking forward to finally meeting you.
Miss M: You could've knocked. I've been here the whole time.

Lady Kale: I did knock and you weren't home.

Miss M: I'm going to destroy you for what you did to my baby girl.

Lady Kale: In the great words of a steel magnolia, I'd love to see you try.

Miss M: So what do we do? I know you can't just wipe me out of the universe.

Lady Kale: Oh my dear girl, I'm not going to erase you, I plan on erasing everything else.

December 2015 Bodacious Baddie!

To be continued!