I went and did it this time. It is the biggest week of the year. San Diego Comic Con is well under way, and do you think I could be there, reveling in all the fun? Oh no. No, no, no. I get to plan on solving a mystery at this year's Conference of Evil. You see Diary, some evil mastermind is trying to kill me. There were whispers months ago that some world renown villain wanted me gone. And since my dear friend and mentor April O'Neil was badly injured last month in a dreadful wreck that was meant for me, well, April and I thought it was high time we get to the bottom of who exactly wants me gone. So here we are. My "official" reason for attending the Conference of Evil is to interview all kinds of villains and bad guys for this month's super special Bodacious Baddie. (But you and I know this is about much more.) Luckily for the stylish and cool, I've got a cute outfit for this thing. I've never really been to a Conference of Evil before, so I'm not quite sure what to expect. I just hope I survive this. Oh well, wish me luck!
And now the all new...
July 2013 Bodacious Baddie!
Miss M: My goodness this is the longest line ever! I can't tell if these are real villains or just good cosplay...
Medusa: It'sss the real thing. There isss no cosssplay at the Conferenccce of Evil.
Miss M: Oh really? So that is the Harley Quinn in front of me? She looks so much shorter in real life. I wonder if I can interview her...
Medusa: Don't be sssilly. Everyone knows you can't talk to Harley. Ssshe will talk to you.
As Miss M waits for a bit longer in the line, she finally approaches the registration desk.
Miss M: Rita Repulsa?! They have you in charge of the registration table?
Rita: Of course. Were you expecting someone else?
Miss M: No, not at all. I just can't believe it is you, and your cone bra.
Rita: Yeah, yeah. Like I haven't heard that before. What registration level are you? Petty criminal? VIP Villain? Eater of Worlds?
Miss M: Oh I just need a Press Pass.
Rita: A Press Pass? What for?
Miss M: Yes, well I am a part of the press. I write for Diary of a Dorkette.
Rita: Never heard of it.
Miss M: Well it is the best kept secret on the Internet. Maybe you have heard of my colleague, April O'Neil. Our journalistic integrity is owned by Channel 6.
Rita: Nope. Never heard of any of it. Listen girly, maybe you are at the wrong place. You look like you won't last a second in there...
Miss M: I can assure you I very much belong inside the Conference of Evil! Now please hand me my Press Pass!
Still refusing to hand a pass to Miss M, Rita toys with other ways to tease and taunt Miss M. However, someone soon communicates to Rita via a bug in her ear. After a loud and long curse, Rita tosses a Press Pass to Miss M, and just like that Miss M is inside the Conference of Evil. Miss M can't believe her very eyes. There are so many villains all around her, not to mention so many attractions and features for her to attend. She isn't sure where she should start first, but she does see a perfect first interview.
Miss M: Excuse me, would you like to be interviewed for Diary of a Dorkette?
Lo-Pan: Do you have green eyes?
Miss M: Umm not really. I mean they are blue now, but sometimes they look green.
Lo-Pan: You lie! Stupid girl! Lo-Pan wants the girl with the green eyes. Your eyes are filth.
Miss M: Really? Well, you need a manicure.
Walking away in shock that someone could be so rude, Miss M bumps into an old friend.
Miss M: Cut Man! My goodness how long has it been?! You have got to be one of my favorite Robot...
Miss M pauses as she notices a very mean looking face on Cut Man.
Cut Man: Go ahead. Say it. Robot Master. You make me sick.
Miss M: Excuse me? I don't understand?
Cut Man: I and the other Robot Masters read your little expose on Robots for the League of Extraordinary Bloggers. What the hell M? We don't get even a mention in your scribbles? You couldn't even mention Mega Man!
Miss M: Oh my. You are so right. I just got so wrapped up with my memories of Vera, I just made a huge mistake. I love you guys so much...
Cut Man: Oh cut the crap. You wrote about a homely lady that gets turned into a cyborg. Not even a robot. A cyborg! We were bumped for a cyborg! You and that Mega Moron had so much fun at the Robot Master's expense with all that game play back in the day, and yet you couldn't even mention us at all. It makes me so mad!
Miss M: (a little scared) There's no need to get testy Cut Man. It was an honest mistake. Really. I would never...
Cut Man: I don't care. I'm done Miss M. Done. You need to pay for your grievous error in judgement. I'm gonna cut you. I'm gonna start with that hair first!
Miss M: Eek! Not my flirty hair!
In a matter of seconds Miss M is off and running, doing her best to avoid the sharp shears of the dastardly wily Cut Man. Crying out for forgiveness and getting absolutely none, Miss M can do nothing but run.
Cut Man: It's just a little snip M! Just a clean snip... and then off with your head!
Trying her best to drown out his maniacal laughs, Miss M breathes a sigh of relief as she finds someone that might be able to help her.
Miss M: Oh officer! Am I glad to see you! I wasn't even expecting the police to be at the Conference of Evil, but that is so nice. There is a deadly robot after me and I could really use your help. You can arrest robots right?
Police Officer: Yes. I can arrest anyone... with fear!
Miss M: Huh?
It is too late. Miss M finds herself involved in another creeptastic near death experience!
Miss M: (screaming while losing her balance and falling) I can't deal with this!
X-Cop: Let me suck on your succulent soul!
Miss M: (clutching her chest) Grody! No!
Struggling to get up, Miss M bolts away from the madness of the crowd. There are too many evil people in the room and it seems like they all want her dead.
Miss M: Crap. Where do I go now? What do I even do? I'm too scared to interview anyone. And I have to stay away from authority and robots. I mean what am I getting myself into!
As Miss M walks around taking in all the sights around her, she notices that there are some attractions going on. There is currently a Cooking with Slime by Hordak segment happening at the end of the building.
Miss M: I could maybe make that in time. I wonder if he uses the slime as a seasoning or the actual meal...
Before M can walk that way, there is a quick hand placed over her mouth...
Miss M: MMM! MMM! (mumbles muffled gibberish.)
Miss M's mystery assailant quickly drags her away from the busy common area of the conference. Eventually content with a secure location, the mystery assailant lets her go and stares at her coldly.
Miss M: Oh no. Don't tell me this is like Jason Vorhees by Rob Zombie or something. Please, I can't survive a slasher flick death.
Mystery Assailant: (Breathes heavily)
Miss M: Well get on with it! Are you here to hurt me or not?
Mystery Assailant: Why would I hurt you?
Miss M: Because everyone else has since I got here.
Mystery Assailant: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Miss M: You could start by taking off that mask. I'm not a mind reader ya know.
The Mystery Man reveals himself to be...
Miss M: Casey Jones!? What are you doing here? You are one of the good guys...
Casey: I know. I'm here for you.
Miss M: Oh. Did April send you? Are you two getting back together?
Casey: No. April and I are not getting back together. She doesn't know I'm here. I've been reading your blog and I knew you were in trouble. What would possess you to come to the Conference of Evil?
Miss M: I've got to find the person or persons that want me dead.
Casey: So you walk into a den of villains by yourself? Miss M, I don't know what I am going to do with you.
Miss M: April is going to be so happy when she finds out you are here to look after me. She won't admit it because she is stubborn, but she will be happy. She still loves you ya know. Why can't you both just get back together?
Casey: It isn't that easy M. Listen, I'm not here to talk about April. We need to solve this mystery and get you out of here safe and sound.
Miss M: Sounds good. So what do we do next?
Casey: We are not doing much. You are going to talk to Catra. She is having a book signing for her new book.
Miss M: Oh that's right! I forgot about that! What are you going to do?
Casey: I'm going to find a safe way for you to get out of here while also making sure no one kills you. April and I may not be together anymore, but I do consider you a friend. I want you to be safe.
Miss M: Oh Casey! Thank you. I'm so putting in a good word for you with April. You two really belong together.
Casey: (Sighing) Let's worry about all that later. We're in a nightmare right now M.
As the two talk more and prepare to separate, something sinister brews elsewhere...
Skeletor: The Conference of Evil is a perfect success Evil-Lyn! I've heard reports that there have already been numerous attempts at that miserable Miss M's life!
Evil-Lyn: Perfect Skeletor. You are a genius. What happens next?
Skeletor: I'm going to enjoy the conference. There are so many villains here, I feel like it is a villain reunion! You should join me...
Evil-Lyn: I will in a second Skeletor. I have some other business to attend to first.
Skeletor: Very well Evil-Lyn.
Walking off, Skeletor gives one last look to Evil-Lyn before he gets lost in the crowd. Evil-Lyn stands around waiting for her special guest. Soon the guest arrives.
Evil-Lyn: It is about damn time. Do you know what to do?
Hello Kitty: (raspy voice) Sure boss lady. I'm gonna kill that bitch!
Evil-Lyn: No. Remember the plan. You have the potion. There is no need to get your claws dirty. Let the potion do its work.
Hello Kitty: Aww come on boss lady! Let me at her!
Evil-Lyn: No. She can never suspect a thing. Now how will you sound when you approach her?
Hello Kitty: (losing the rasp and sounding sweet) I'm gonna sound just like this.
Evil-Lyn: Perfect. Do this well Kitty, and we'll both be rich. After all, why should Skeletor and his team of villains get all the glory for ridding the universe of Miss M?
Evil-Lyn and Hello Kitty can do nothing but laugh.
Returning to Miss M, the lovely dorkette joins Catra for a private book signing.
Miss M: This place is very pink. I wouldn't have pegged you as the type to have a book signing in a place like this.
Catra: Oh looks can be deceiving Miss M. You may not know this, but we are actually in the home of the evil witch that ate those bothersome children. What were their names?
Miss M: Hansel and Gretel?
Catra: Yes. That was the name of those brats.
Miss M: Wait a sec, I thought they survived?
Catra: Seriously Miss M? Like the fairy tale would ever tell you the harsh truth. Care for a piece of cake?
Miss M: No. I suddenly don't feel well.
Catra: What's the matter? You should be more excited. I'm wearing a fancy dress designed by the House of Paladin. This is also my book signing.
Miss M: Yes. I am excited. Though, no one is really here? Why is that?
Catra: I wanted to have a nice private book signing with you first, before I opened the doors for everyone.
Miss M: How nice. So what is the title of your book?
Catra: The Purr-fect Rules for Ruling the World.
Miss M: Sounds catchy. I love the green and gold cover! It is very nice.
Catra: Why thank you.
Miss M: Who are you hoping reads this book?
Catra: Why any villain of course.
Miss M: I'm a little confused though Catra. If every villain in the universe reads your book, how will they all get to rule the world? It just seems like you are setting people up to fail...
Catra: Oh must you always be so annoying.
Miss M: I'm sorry!
Catra: You should be sorry! I just spent decades of doing research to find the purr-fect methods for ruling the world, and you have just thrown all of that out of the window!
Miss M: Maybe there is a way to fix this...
Catra: Really? How so?
Miss M: Well, everyone loves a sequel. You could just write a book about how to rule the world when everyone else is too.
Catra: (Her green eyes light up) You aren't as annoying as I thought! I like it! The title could be something like: What To Do When Villains Rule The World.
Miss M: Or you could work on it some more...
Catra: Oh Miss M! And to think I wanted you here so I could bash your head in with my book. I was going to call it poetic justice.
Miss M: (gulps) You were going to kill me?
Catra: Well of course. I've changed my mind though. You aren't that bad dorkette. In fact, I must say, I miss your pathetic feeble attempt at writing that insipid She-Ra fanfic every Saturday. I kinda miss it.
Miss M: Aww. Thank you Catra.
The two shake hands and smile.
Miss M: This could be the start of a really cool friendship!
Catra: Don't hold your breath. I may not want you dead, but you are still annoying.
Miss M: Ok. Fair enough.
With the book signing over, Miss M leaves the candy colored house of a child eating witch, and heads further into the conference. Getting somewhat lost, Miss M struggles to find her way.
Miss M: I just need some refreshment. This has become such a long day already!
Miss M continues to walk around, until she is momentarily caught off guard. A woman with a short hair style and tons of armor appears from out of nowhere, as if she fell from the sky...
Miss M: Can I help you?
Woman: My name is Faora. I hail from the planet Kypton and I am second in command to General Zod. Where is Kal-El?
Miss M: (plays dumb) I'm sorry, I don't know a Kal-El.
Faora: Really? Is that so?
Miss M: Yep. That is so.
Faora: Silly me. I forget I am dealing with simple Earthlings. You pathetic fools have another name for Kal-El. Where is Superman?
Miss M: (plays dumb even more) Sorry. Never heard of a super man before.
Faora: Are you playing dumb with me Earthling?
Miss M: (agitated) I have a name! I'm not just some Earthling! I'm Miss M! Remember it!
Faora: Pathetic girl. I can kill you where you stand.
Miss M: Like I haven't heard that before. Listen chick, let me break it all down for you. I don't know any Superman and I don't scare easily! I am a super hero!
Faora: Really? A simpleton like you?
Miss M: Sure. I, ah, I... I am Sailor Moon! I'm a super Sailor Soldier and I will kick your ass if you take another step closer to me!
Miss M finds herself in big trouble!
Faora: I've taken enough steps. You are not Sailor Moon. You are short and translucent with brown hair. You look nothing like the legendary Sailor Moon. I'm tired of the lies! Where is Superman! I have seen you with him, I know you know who he is!
Miss M: I don't know him!
Faora: So be it.
Faora slams Miss M into the doorway so hard that is shatters and breaks apart in a big way. Faora begins to walk off, content with her actions.
Miss M: That hurt bitch.
Faora: You still seek to survive imminent doom, Earthling?
Miss M: Come and get me (coughs) wench.
Closing in for another round, Miss M and Faora clash in an epic battle where only one can still remain standing...
Miss M is triumphant!
Miss M: I really need some refreshment.
Walking away from her problems with Faora, Miss M notices a nice little pit stop.
Miss M: A Coffin Bean! All the cool ghouls go to the Coffin Bean! I totally have to go there!
Rushing inside, Miss M breathes in the nice aroma of coffees, sodas, teas, and other tasty treats.
Miss M: This place is amazing! I just need to find a seat.
Miss M: (looking at the company at the table) Can I sit here?
Krang: Sure! By all means.
Miss M: What's good here? I've never been to a Coffin Bean before.
Valley Girl: You should, like, totally try the Cherry Fizz. It goes straight to your head!
Miss M: Cool. Maybe I will. Are you guys enjoying the Conference of Evil?
Valley Girl: Totes. It is, like, the coolest place. Ever. This is where I met my boyfriend.
Miss M: Oh, who is your boyfriend?
Krang: I am!
Miss M: (slightly grossed out) Oh.
Quickly placing her order, Miss M sits back and waits patiently. The Coffin Bean barista soon brings M her drink.
Hello Kitty: Hi! Here's your drink! Enjoy!
Miss M: Thank you! I will. (remarking to herself) Times must be tough if Hello Kitty is having to work at the Coffin Bean...
Miss M takes a sip, relishing the sweet taste.
Miss M: Wow. This drink has a punch to it. Like a big punch to it.
Miss M: The party is at the Coffin Bean! Villians want me dead, but I don't give a shit! Woo-hoo!
Miss M and her new found friends all have a ball in the Coffin Bean. Dancing and singing echoes throughout the room. Miss M feels carefree as she dances on the table. Having the time of her life, Miss M continues to dance and sing. She can't imagine anything being better than this. Of course her sugared drink high quickly dissipates and Miss M comes crashing down...
As life at the Coffin Bean resumes to normal, Miss M falls into a nice sugary nap while the other patrons continue their own fun.
A few moments later...
Miss M: Oh my head. What did I drink?
Miss M: Something doesn't feel right. What is the matter with me? I feel so funny.
Noticing that no one seems to be around, Miss M finds a mirror inside the Coffin Bean.
Miss M: (Screaming) Oh. My. Goodness. I've been Hello Kitty-ized! Oh no! My pupils are heart shaped! Where did this dress come from? I can't return home looking like this!
Miss M rushes out of the Coffin Bean in pure terror. If she leaves the Conference of Evil looking like this, her life will be over. Her family and friends will think she is an impostor.
Rushing through the conference, Miss M tries to find a safe place. There is nowhere to go. She finds herself surrounded by people laughing. She is most certain that they are all laughing at her. Continuing to run around, Miss M hears the thumping sound of dance music. Heading closer to the hypnotic sounds, Miss M steps into a large room full of loud club music...
Miss M: Oh my. have I just stepped into a villain discotec?
Miss M looks around and notices a muscular man sitting on a canister of explosive contents.
Miss M: Excuse me, what is this place?
Muscle Man: Hey toots. You just stepped into the biggest dance party at the Conference of Evil! Any type of trouble you wanna get involved in can be found right in here.
Miss M: What if I am looking to get out of trouble?
Muscle Man: I don't follow.
Miss M: I think someone placed a spell on me. Remember that scene in Final Fantasy IV when Cecil goes to Mysidia and visits the bar? He drinks something and turns into a pig or a frog or something...
Muscle Man: You're funny toots. Just enjoy the music.
Ghost: Care to dance with me?
Miss M: (pausing to think of her answer) Fine. But only for a little bit. And no looking up my skirt!
As Miss M dances with the ghost, she looks over at the Muscle Man.
Miss M: Is there anyone in here who knows magic?
Muscle Man: What kind of magic?
Miss M: the kind that can revert me back to my regular look. I miss my old flirty hair.
Muscle Man: I don't know toots, but if anyone can help you, it'll be those two.
Miss M turns to look at two very powerful villains entering the disco. Jafar and Maleficent make their way towards Miss M.
Maleficent: What do we have here? A sad little lost dorkette. Look Jafar, look how lost she is.
Jafar: I'd prefer to look at the other scenery in the room Maleficent. This strange dorkette is hurting my eyes.
Maleficent: Go ahead, speak dorkette. Speak. Tell Maleficent what you want...
Miss M: I... I... I want to look like my old self.
Maleficent: Interesting. Jafar? Can we make this girl's wish come true?
Jafar: Yes, on with it Maleficent. I want to party.
Maleficent: I heard your cries of anguish sad little dork girl. I heard them piercing my brain. Look at me as I chant a spell to free you from heart pupils.
Miss M: I don't want this to hurt.
Maleficent: Trust me. If I want it to hurt, it will hurt.
With a bit of frazzled razzle dazzle and haughty hocus pocus, Maleficent unleashes a wave of magical energy into the air that swirls around Miss M in a magical way. For a moment she wonders if this is what it feels like changing into She-Ra.
And just like that, Miss M is back to normal.
Miss M: Oh my goodness! Thank you so much Maleficent!
Maleficent: Of course my little dorkette. But remember something, there may come a day when I require something in return...
Miss M: (rushing off in a hurry) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear ya. I gotta job to finish!
Miss M makes her way back into the commons area of the conference looking for a way to solve this mystery of who wants her dead. She looks at the electronic screen of events.
Miss M: Hm. What to do. Oh wow! There is about to be a Misfits concert!
Casey: Just a second M.
Miss M: (rushing to hug her friend tightly) Oh am I happy to see you! You would never believe the crazy event this conference has been! Have you found out who is trying to kill me?
Casey: No, not yet M. But everyone is going to be at this Misfits concert, I don't think you should see the concert. It will be too dangerous.
Miss M: But what should I do instead? I really want to see the Misfits perform. It has been ages since they've done a live show!
Casey: I'm sure there will be a DVD of the show that will be just as good. Trust me, they are no Jem and the Holograms. Listen, you should go to the Villain Vehicle Retrospective. Wait there for me while I go to the concert to investigate.
Miss M: Ok, I guess. Why don't we just investigate together?
Casey: Because, I don't want to see you get hurt. Now run along M. I'll see you soon.
Miss M: Kay.
Miss M runs off to the Villain Vehicle Retrospective while Casey looks on.
Casey: (Speaking to a bug in his ear) She's heading your way. I know, I know. The plan is truly working out perfectly. In a matter of minutes Miss M will finally be gone.
Casey Jones reveals himself to be Mystique!!!!
Mystique: (continuing to talk to the bug in her ear) While you take care of Miss M, I am going to dispose of the Casey Jones nuisance. I have no idea how he got in the conference, but trust me, no one is going to be missing him.
Unaware of the ultimate danger she is in, Miss M makes her way through the Villain Vehicle Retrospective...
Miss M: Wow, there are so many vehicles! A lot of Cobra products. My goodness.
Miss M: I wonder why the Cloud Car is here? I hope Casey is ok.
Miss M: Goodness. I've never seen that thing before.
A voice calls out from the tank: COBRA!
Cobra Commander: Allow me to introduce you to the all new and improved H.I.S.S. Tank. Prepare to meet your end Miss M!
Miss M: (screaming for help) This was a trap! How could Casey trick me?!
Cobra Commander: Your friend Casey is dead, at the hands of the vile Mystique. You're next Miss M!
Miss M tries to run away from the H.I.S.S. Tank, but she slips and falls. Cursing her clumsiness, Miss M isn't sure she is going to survive.
Sliding across the floor, Miss M makes her escape.
Miss M: You aren't gonna touch me Cobra Commander!
Miss M screams even louder as she is nearly eaten by the Land Shark.
Miss M: Eek! I'm in big trouble!
Skeletor: That is correct Miss M! The Masters of Evil are going to finally stop you!
Shredder: I've got my eyes on her too boys! Miss M isn't surviving this!
Cobra Commander: (cussing after missing M with a missile) Blast it! My damn missiles are missing her!
Miss M: (backing away from the Land Shark) Oh shoot! I'm surrounded! I am not going to be eaten alive by this thing! I can't die this way! Where the hell is She-Ra at?
Acting real quick, Miss M realizes she can save herself!
Miss M: If I can just reach that missile!
Miss M: Got it! Chew on that Skeletor!
Skeletor: Blast you Miss M! Infernal dorky girl!
Miss M: Sorry guys, I hate to ruin your plans, but you are not getting me that easily!
Miss M prepares to make a hasty exit, but all of a sudden the loud engine of a car roars to life. Speeding right at her, the Pope Pinion collides into Miss M!
Miss M: Oh no!!!
Flipping over the speeding car, Miss M hits her head hard on the floor.
Miss M is face down on the ground, motionless.
Pope Pinion: Hey guys! Did ya see that? I ran her completely over! Let's not let this get out though, ok? I have an image to uphold.
Skeletor: Oh shut up Pope. Shredder, look for a pulse on her.
Shredder: I'm not touching her. I heard paleness is contagious.
Cobra Commander: You imbecile. Someone find out if this pain in the ass is dead!
As the Masters of Evil argue about finding a pulse, Miss M finds herself in a whole other place...
Miss M: Where am I? My head hurts so bad.
Miss M: (Turning around) Crap. Am I supposed to walk into the light now? Crap. I'm not gonna live to see Mermista released in the MOTUC line...
Suddenly a voice fills the air and Miss M realizes she is not alone.
Miss M: Oh no. If you are here, than that must mean I'm truly dead...
Miss Elizabeth: (warmly smiling at Miss M) No, you aren't dead Miss M. It is far from your time. As of right now, you are still face down on the ground. There might be some slight brain swelling, but you are a trooper. You're going to be just fine.
Miss M: But, why are you here?
Miss Elizabeth: I'm just keeping you company until you wake up. A great deal of us departed folk keep up with your misadventures, ya know?
Miss M: No way. They have Internet in the afterlife?
Miss Elizabeth: (laughing) Oh no Miss M. You don't need an Internet connection in the afterlife. We can see everything that goes on. We're like Care Bears. But dead.
Miss M: I can't believe you are here. It makes me want to cry.
Miss Elizabeth: Why do you say that?
Miss M: Because, I always wanted to meet you. But with everything that happened, I just never got the chance to.
Miss Elizabeth: Well Miss M, you have the chance now.
Miss M: I can't believe I am talking to you.
Miss Elizabeth: It is a pleasure my dear.
Miss M: I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like things have just gotten out of control, you know? Nothing makes sense anymore. I never quite expected that my journey was going to take me here. I feel like I'm a crazy mess. At least that is what some people would be more than happy to say...
Miss Elizabeth: Oh Miss M. Those people may say that, but I say they're just a bunch of assholes. You should always stay true to who you are. Keep writing and talking to everyone. It makes us laugh, and that is something that there needs to be more of.
Miss M: I wish you were still here with us. I really hate that I never got to meet you.
Miss Elizabeth: Stop that talk Miss M. You're meeting me right now. I have to go though. Time is about to run out...
Miss M: Oh do you have to? Can't you just stay here for a little longer? I want to talk about so much!
Miss Elizabeth: I have to go Miss M, but I'm always going to be with you. You have to wake up now and stop the Masters of Evil from ruining your future. Find the one who is truly behind this. Fix it before it is too late.
Miss M: I don't know what that means...
Miss Elizabeth: It's ok. You will. Is there anything else I can do?
Miss M: Can you deliver some messages?
Miss Elizabeth nods as Miss M whispers her wishes to important people who are no longer around.
Miss Elizabeth: I can do that M. Anyone else?
Miss M: Oh yes, one more! Give Jessica Tandy a hug from me!
Miss Elizabeth: Certainly. Good bye Miss M. Remember, your journey isn't over yet...
And just like that Miss Elizabeth and the bright light fade away. Miss M looks back one last time before her eyes open up and she sits up straight.
Skeletor: What is this!? She is alive!?
Cobra Commander: Impossible!
Miss M: Oh no Cobra Commander. Anything is possible.
Miss M jumps up and gives Skeletor a hard swift kick to the skull and crotch.
Miss M: No one is stopping me!
Hopping into a nearby vehicle, Miss M turns the ignition on and chases the Masters of Evil off.
Miss M: Yeah! All right you little chicken shits! You better run!
After feeling triumphant, Miss M stops when she sees Casey.
Miss M: Wait. How do I know you are the real Casey?
Casey: Trust me, it is me. Mystique had me tied up in some strange discotec.
Miss M: Not good enough. I need to know you are really Casey Jones.
Casey: Fine. I'm still in love with April. I always will be. And if we can survive this terribly long winded Conference of Evil, I'm going to tell her how I feel.
Miss M: Oh Casey! It is you!
Casey: Yes, now hurry. I got you a helicopter ready to take you to safety. I think I have found out who wants you dead.
Miss M: I don't know that it matters anymore Casey. I'm going to live my life and be happy. I'm my own super hero, and no one is going to stop me!
Casey: Sounds good M. Now hurry. I'll see you soon.
Miss M rushes off as Casey finds himself with a most unwanted guest.
Mystique: You foolish man.
Casey: Ok Mystique. You aren't pulling one over on me again. I want my mask back.
Mystique: Oh we're gonna fight for that mask for sure. But you just sealed the fate of your dumb dork friend. That helicopter is rigged to kill her. The Masters of Evil are going to be triumphant!
Casey: (Looking off in the distance as Miss M hops into the helicopter) What have I done?
High above the night sky, Miss M rides in a stealthy helicopter. The blades cut through the air very quietly.
Flying high, Miss M looks out at the ground below her.
Miss M: Wow, did all this just happen? I can't believe I was actually at the Conference of Evil. I hope I'll have stuff to report to April on.
The helicopter continues to fly through the air, humming quietly. Miss M enjoys the ride.
Suddenly a slew of strange robotic noises rattle across the helicopter.
Miss M: My goodness why does it sound like a Michael Bay movie all of a sudden?
The helicopter begins to transform, startling Miss M.
As the helicopter transforms and opens up, Miss M screams as she slides out into the air...
Miss M: Damn Decepticons!!!
Blackarachnia: Ha! Haha! Hahahaha! Farewell Miss M.
Miss M: (screaming as she falls through the air) Oh double crap! Really? I survive getting run over by a Pope Pinion, but this is how I am going to end it all? This sucks!
And just like that, someone is ready to catch her.
Michelangelo: Not so fast Miss M! I've always got your back! Cowabunga!
Miss M: Oh Michelangelo! What are you doing?
Michelangelo: Casey told me the danger you were in, so I totally ate some killer pizza with special spices on it, and presto babe! I'm able to fly in a super hero suit!
Miss M: Oh my goodness.
The heroic turtle lands them both to safety in a strange pumpkin patch. In the middle of July.
Miss M: Thank you Mikey. Next time, I can totally save myself though.
Michelangelo: Huh? I don't get it.
Miss M: Well, I mean, I am my own super hero. I can't always rely on some turtle to come in and rescue me everytime I'm in trouble.
Michelangelo: Whoa dorkette! Totally not cool. You can't fly. How were you going to survive the fall? Look M, just because I swooped in to catch you doesn't mean you are any less of your own hero. No one wants to read the ramblings of a splat, right?
Miss M: Yes, I suppose you are right. I'm just being silly. Things like this never happen to She-Ra. She always saves herself, ya know?
Michelangelo: Yeah, but come on dorkette, you aren't She-Ra. You're Miss M. And that's why I love you.
Miss M: I love you too Mikey.
Michelangelo: No, I mean it. I really love you.
Miss M: Wait a minute. I can't think straight. My head is spinning and my brain is swelling. What do you mean, you love me?
Michelangelo: Ever since you interviewed me for the Heroic Hottie spot last year, I just can't stop thinking about you. I was wondering... would you want to go on a date with me?
Miss M: What is happening right now... This has gotten beyond weird.
Michelangelo: Look, I think we could make a gnarly couple.
Miss M: I'm married!
Michelangelo: Nah M. You're married on Earth 616. This is Earth 492. All bets are off.
Miss M: I don't know what to say...
Michelangelo: Say yes to me, you, and some really good pizza.
As Miss M is about to give her answer, they are interrupted.
Casey: Am I glad you are alive! When Mystique told me the helicopter was messed up, I was so worried.
Miss M: Nope! I totally made it! Safe and sound, thanks to Michelangelo.
Casey: Thanks Mikey.
Michelangelo: (Looking a little sad) Yeah, no problem.
Casey: Was I interrupting something?
Miss M: Nope! Not at all! I'm just glad to be alive. So um, how do we get home?
With the heroes safe for now, Miss M makes her way home to deal with a whole slew of new issues. After surviving her first Conference of Evil and placing it under her belt, Miss M feels content knowing that the threat of evil is no longer going to be a problem...
So the Conference of Evil was a hot mess. I walked away with some brain swelling, which isn't that odd considering I'm always hitting my head. Anyways, I never found out who was trying to kill me, but I do feel that the Masters of Evil know that they can't mess with me. However, I am in a quandary. A just found out that a dear friend wants to go out with me... I don't know what I am going to do about that. Oh well, it's been a long night. I'm off. Night!
Skeletor: Cursed foolish Miss M! That miserable wretch is alive! My plans to rid the universe of her at the Conference of Evil backfired!
Evil-Lyn: What did you expect Skeletor? She had too much help. Besides, she knew she was walking into danger.
Skeletor: That was the plan! It was all supposed to look like an accident!
Evil-Lyn: Now she knows there is no accident surrounding her attempted death. What do we do now?
Skeletor: How should I know? I'm ready to give up. After all, it wasn't my ultimate idea to try and kill her.
Evil-Lyn: Who is truly behind all this? Hordak? Barbie?
Skeletor: I don't know. I've yet to meet our silent member of the Masters of Evil.
A mysterious voice calls out from the shadows: Would you like to meet me?
Evil-Lyn and Skeletor both turn at the sounds of footsteps...
Mystery Voice: You've done a good job so far, but this is all far from over. Miss M is going to be squashed like the trashy little bug she is.
Skeletor: (looking at the mystery figure in shock) You!? You are the silent Master of Evil?
Mystery Voice: Of course it's me. Who else were you expecting?
Evil-Lyn and Skeletor: (both look on in shock as they both say) It's...
Velvet Sky: Like I said, why are you so shocked?
Evil-Lyn: You aren't a villain? Are you?
Velvet Sky: Hardly. I am far more interested in starting my own collection of worded Juicy Couture bottoms, but ever since Miss M wrote her tarty little blog post about me awhile back, I've never been able to have anyone take my ideas for a fashion brand seriously. All these fashion houses think I am trashy. Well... I'm here to say that I am timeless. And that sweet little Miss M may have survived this round, but trust this, she will die. Even if it has to be at my own hands. Are you with me?
Evil-Lyn: Well Skeletor?
Skeletor: I'm in.
Evil-Lyn: As am I.
Velvet Sky: Off with her head!
The Masters of Evil now fully formed, laugh in the most evil of ways as they plot their ultimate plan to rid the universe of Miss M!
July 2013 Bodacious Baddie!
Whew! Ok I know this is a total mess, but I hope you all enjoyed it. It was my little dorky tribute to all the nerdy mayhem that is going on right now at San Diego Comic Con! Dorks unite forever! Enjoy, and I hope you are all doing well!