Hey! July is almost over as is the Date a Dorkette Mini-Story Event! There's one more story and it is brought to you by Nick Moose with pictures by me! Enjoy!
My Date with a Dorkette
By Nick Moose
Hello out there all you Mooseheads! I realize I haven’t done a Nick Moose, humor style, joke-type column, for Points in Case in quite some time, and all of the fans I had from my column at the Kent Stater back in umm… I don’t remember when that was….so, I’m just gonna guess, and say, the late-1970’s, are mostly dead by now (Dorkette’s note: Nick Moose wasn’t even alive in the in the 1970’s, but he might as well have been) whatever, it doesn’t even matter, because today, I am Outer Limits-style, TAKING CONTROL OF DIARY OF A DORKETTE!! There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not adjust the monitor-blah blah-I control the horizontal and vertical, etc…TODAY, you Dorkette fans are gonna become honorary Mooseheads! And you lucky ducks are gonna witness an event that’s been looong in the making! I Nicholas Kabat Moose, am FINALLY going on a DATE with THE DORKETTE!!!
Oh, and by the by, since this is a toy based blog, I have decided to use the dashingly handsome MAC TONIGHT to represent me! Why? Because, like me, he is nocturnal, a musician and AWESOME!
(Dorkette’s note: also, like him he is super pale and has a disturbingly large chin.)
Anyway, I’ve been wearing Miss M down for YEARS! Posting funny comments, telling her about her greatness and now, she has finally agreed to go out on a real actual DATE with me!!! Well, I mean, technically, I won a contest, but still, I am gonna WOO her to the point where she can’t take no more woo!! In THE GREAT WORDS of Larry from Perfect Strangers: I HAVE A PLAN!! Keep on reading fearless followers!!
Nick: (as Mac Tonight, driving through the doors like he is a bad ass) CONGRATULATIONS MISS M! I HAVE ARRIVED!
Nick: Nick Moose in the hizouse!
M: My name is Miss M and you are…that guy…
N: Nick Moose baby, your NEW boyfriend!
N: I prefer the term “day tipsy” and it’s Nick actually.
N: No way! If I was trying to show THAT off, I would be wearing my leather jacket, like I do in real life! But this is TOY ME! And…well, let’s just say, toy me has got plenty of looks my delicious Dorkette!!
Nick soon comes back dressed as Panda Khan
M: Uuumm…yeah...M: His name is Ed and we never “did” anything –he just …has a special place in my heart. And he is DEAD now, so this is grotesquely offensive.
Soon Nick returns...
M: I can’t IMAGINE why YOU would relate to an annoying, egotistical, sex obsessed guy who breaks the fourth wall and NEVER stops talking…
M: Uggh, why!?
N: Because we are the SAME! Two people united by insanity!
M: Wait a minute, I’m starting to see what you are getting at Nick! Maybe there is more to you than just a sex obsessed, drunken, ego-maniacal loser! We DO share things! Maybe you aren’t such a bad guy after al…
M: Oh, gawd…
(Nick’s fantasy sequence engaged )
He-Man: He just made me wet myself.
April: Not much, I just have new people for you to interview. So enough of these dates with these lunatic men, get back to work. Oh, and if you happen to pass a chimichanga truck, I'd really appreciate one. I've been craving them for some reason...
A big thanks to Nick for writing and contributing to the Date a Dorkette: Mini Story writing event. I appreciate his fun story telling style. He has been a supportive presence pretty much from the beginning of the Diary so there were a lot of nice nods to this story. Also thank you to Omar for contributing his own story that can be found here. Hope you all enjoy and stick around! There's one more post for July that will leave you gasping for more soapy toy fun!