October 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

What do I do? I'm waiting on my brand spanking new makeover and for what? Freakin Mona Lisa is getting her hair did too for her big date with Michelangelo. He just happens to be the love of my life. Not hers! Argh. What's a girl to do while trapped in the wrong body? I can't give up though. I did not go through all this drama during this past year to wind up alone and bitter with crimped hair. Oh no. I'm gonna get what I want. I'm gonna get my man and the rest will be history. 

-Miss M

Mona Lisa: So that's the plan. I hope I can get back in time to wear my nice new outfit for this nice new date with the turtle of my dreams. I never thought I'd care so deeply for Mikey, ya know?

Miss M: (grits her teeth) Yeah, it's just so crazy. 

Mona Lisa: I know! I usually fall for the tough brooding types, like Raph, but I don't know. Mikey makes me feel young and fun. He's just a great catch.

Miss M: Yep. Could we talk about something else?

Frenchy: Where are you two love birds goin tonight?

Miss M: Le sigh.

Mona Lisa: Oh we are going to Tres Bliss! It's like the most romantic French restaurant in the city.

Miss M: Oh, I've heard of that place.

Frenchy: Sounds real fancy.

Truvy: I think it will be perfect. Can't wait to hear all about it! 

Miss M: Well I think I've heard enough.

Mona Lisa: Oh I'm sorry. I have been monopolizing all the conversation.

Frenchy: That's ok. You're young and in love. That's what you do. Come on sweetie, we're almost done. Let's go style you.

Truvy: You ok darlin?
Miss M: Fine. Are you almost done?

Truvy: Sorry darlin, this has turned out to be more work than I thought. We're almost done though. Let's give it just a little longer.

Miss M: I smell something burning... that isn't my hair is it?

Truvy: (lies) Of course not suga dumplin! I think it's just the hot wax I have on the pot over there. We'll have you lookin fantastic in a jiff.

Meanwhile, April O'Neil is in her old office up to no good...

April: Stupid Mila and her hokey ass. For someone who wants to take over my office she sure knows how to leave stuff unlocked. Now, let's see... I just need to find some dirt on the rich bitch and I'll be all set...

April rummages through things trying to find information on Mila. She manages to find some interesting documents. However, unknown to the intrepid reporter, April gets caught red handed by Nu-April: Megan Fox!

Megan Fox: And just what are you doing here?

April: Oh. It's you.

Megan Fox: Yep. It's me. Planning on tossing me down a pit again?

April: A volcano perhaps.

Megan Fox: Careful what you say, you've entered enemy territory over here; and you're all alone.

April: How did you get out? I dropped you down that pit with nothing but a basket of lotion. 

Megan Fox: Oh you don't know? I was saved by your friends. The girl with the glasses who wears socks with sandals and the guy with the thigh high gladiator sandals. You run with a very odd crowd.

April: Impossible! Irma and Guy Friday would have never helped the likes of you!

Megan Fox: But they did. In fact, for their kindness, I rewarded them with a stay at my posh Malibu mansion. You know the one, it was owned by Barbie before she had to downsize.

April: They lied to me! I can't believe they were staying at your mansion this whole time!

Megan Fox: Yes, doing all sorts of newly minted romantic things according to my security cameras. 

April: I'm gonna be sick.

Megan Fox: Believe me, I was.

April: Well good. I hope you choke on your own bile.

Megan Fox: Why do you hate me so? I can't help that I play a better version of you.

April: I'm done. 

Megan Fox: Leaving so soon?

April: Yes. And tell your boss Mila... I'm comin for her.

Megan Fox: I'm sure she'll be shaking in her thigh high gold boots.

April: She better!

April leaves with a snicker.

April: Stupid Nu-April. Your taunts mean nothing, because I have the dirt I need. (pulls out her BlueTooth and calls Moth Lady) Moth Lady, when you get this message call me. I know you are busy, but I've got some important information for you to go over. We're gonna find a way to bring Mila Rosnovsky down!

Meanwhile, back at Truvy and Frenchy's Salon for the Gifted and Talented...

Mona Lisa: Oh I just love my new look. Frenchy, I can't thank you enough!

Frenchy: You look fantastic. Now go and enjoy that date tonight!

Mona Lisa: I will! Bye ladies! And Moth Lady!

Miss M: Yeah. Bye.

Mona Lisa quickly leaves.

Miss M: I didn't think she'd ever shut up.

Truvy: Well aren't you just a prickly pear in an oasis of burning sand!

Miss M: (takes a seat under the dyer) Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, it's just that all that romance stuff turns my stomach something fierce.

Truvy: Well you sound like a southern belle supreme!

Miss M: Are you almost done yet? I feel like you've been working on my hair for hours.

Truvy: (panics) Frenchy! Help me with our guest!

Frenchy: My goodness Truvy, what did you do?

Truvy: Just a little more magic, and presto! She'll be done! Right? We can fix this. Right?

Miss M: Is everything ok?

A few seconds later!

Truvy: Well darlin, what do you think?

Miss M: I need a mirror.

Truvy: Oh, of course! Here.

Frenchy: Well, is everything to your liking?

Miss M: Is everything to my liking? What do you think?

Miss M: Of course it is to my liking! Look at me! I've never looked better! I really feel like my old self again! Look at me! My goodness Truvy, you are a miracle worker! I can't thank you enough!
Frenchy: But...

Truvy: Quiet now Frenchy. Let the poor girl have her moment.

Miss M: Thanks so much. I feel ready to take on the world! See ya next time!

Miss M leaves in a fit of delirium.

Truvy: That poor girl.

Frenchy: What do you think she saw in the mirror? She looks just the way she came in.
Truvy: I don't know, but we should invest in more of those mirrors.

Frenchy: Now you know darn well that was just a basic mirror. Tell the truth. What did you do to that girl?
Truvy: I did everything I could, but at the end of the day some minor hallucinogens were the only thing that would work. They'll wear off soon I'd imagine, but maybe she won't notice.

Frenchy: Truvy, I smell a lawsuit.

Truvy: Nah. It's just bad perm smell. Besides, you heard her, I think she really does like the way she looks, no matter what.

Frenchy: Oh this is just so sad. All of it.

While walking outside in a fit of giddy excitement, Miss M contemplates her next move.

Miss M: Oh this is just perfect! I'm finally back to normal! The universe has spoken! I'm going to find the sexiest dress ever and I'm marching my little big behind into Tres Bliss tonight and I am getting what I want! Michelangelo and I are going to be the ones dining on fancy French food! Maybe Mona Lisa can just eat a big pile of crow! Or turtle soup! Wait. Not turtle soup. Just the crow. 

Pinky Pie: Miss M, are you hearing yourself? This isn't you.

Miss M: Oh if it isn't my Spirit Pony, what are you doing here? Something bad is about to happen, isn't it?

Pinky Pie: Of course not. I'm just here to talk some sense into ya. Which is really strange because I'm not made up of much sense.

Miss M: I think I need a refund on my Spirit Pony.

Pinky Pie: Poppycock M! I'm the best Spirit Pony a demented dork girl like you could ever hope for. Now, first things first, let's get you down off that cloud you are floating on.

Miss M: What?

Pinky Pie: Take a good long look at yourself Miss M. Literally and figuratively. With some confetti sprinkled on top.

Miss M: My hair. It's still crimped isn't it?

Pinky Pie: (nods her head)

Miss M: I'm still in the wrong body huh?

Pinky Pie: (nods her head faster) Ding ding ding! You should when a prize. I love prizes!

Miss M: CRAP!!!!

Pinky Pie: It's gonna be ok Miss M. You just need to do the right thing.

Miss M: And what is that?

Pinky Pie: Leave that date alone tonight. It's not your place anymore.

Miss M: But I love him Pinky Pie. He's the love of my life!

Pinky Pie: Is anyone ever truly the love of someone's life?

Miss M: Ummm, have you ever seen a Disney movie?

Pinky Pie: No, are they good?

Miss M: They are everything. Now stay outta my way! I have a sexy dress to find!

Pinky Pie: (watches Miss M walk off) Oh Miss M. Do the right thing. (pauses) I smell cupcakes! It's time to party!

Later on that evening at Tres Bliss, romantic couples abound everywhere. Romance is truly in the air like a designer impostor parfum...

Mona Lisa: Oh Mikey, this place is so nice.

Michelangelo: Totally dudette! We really needed this! You look like a million pieces of moolah babe. Totally bodacious.

Mona Lisa: And you are the hottest guy in the room!

As the two lovers gush over each other, two other characters cross paths unexpectedly...

Raphael: What are they laughing at?

Waiter: Sir, has your party arrived yet?

Raphael: NO! I told you they are running late! I'll let you know when they get here! Now scram!

Waiter: Of course sir!

Raphael: Why is she laughing so much? Mikey isn't that funny.

Miss M: Are you in disguise?

Raphael: Wha?

Miss M: Raphael, is that you?

Raphael: Maybe.

Miss M: What are you doing here?

Raphael: I heard the pizza was good.

Miss M: This is a French restaurant. I don't think they serve pizza.

Raphael: Whatever. Why are you here?

Miss M: (looks across the restaurant towards Mona Lisa and Michelangelo) Something tells me you know the answer. Just look at them. They look so happy.

Raphael: It's fake. It has to be.

Miss M: You think so?

Raphael: I know so.

Miss M: I don't know. They seem pretty happy and in love. Wait a second, I didn't know you were still hung up on Mona Lisa. You guys went out, like, once.

Raphael: So? Up until five seconds ago you never even knew who we were. You're meanin to tell me Mikey is the man of your dreams or somethin?

Miss M: What if he is? 

Raphael: Ha. Like he'd ever go for a chick like you.

Miss M: Well we won't really know now will we? He's all tipsy in lust over Mona Lisa. (pauses) Unless...

Raphael: Unless?

Miss M: We could join forces. Find a way to break them up and woo the people we are meant to be with.

Raphael: Lady, you must have rocks for brains. I can't do that, not to my brother. If they're happy together, than they're happy. I just had to see it for myself. 

Miss M: I can't just see it though. I love him. I honestly love him.

Raphael: You need to get a new hobby.

Michelangelo: So, Mona Lisa, like, you know I think you're a bodacious babe and all, right?

Mona Lisa: Yes.

Michelangelo: So... there's a reason I asked you to dinner at this fancy place.

Mona Lisa: Ok.

Michelangelo: Like, we've been through some gnarly times ya know? And these past few months have taught me a thing or two...

Miss M: Look, I don't expect you to understand. I just need you to know that your brother and I are meant to be together.

Raphael: And you need to know that life is not some fairy tale. Not everyone gets their happily ever after. That crap is for kids. Grow up already. Geesh.

Miss M: Look, just because you gave up on Mona Lisa way back when does not mean that your particular breed of unhappy love rules has to be the rule for everyone else. I believe in love. I believe in happily ever after. I believe that I deserve...

Raphael: Wait, hold on. What is he doing?

Miss M: (looks towards Michelangelo) Oh no. He's not doing what I think...

Michelangelo: So as I was saying, we've been through a lot in just a short time.
Mona Lisa: I know.

Michelangelo: And I feel like you really get me and understand who I am, to my very core. So, what I'm trying to ask ya is... will you marry me dudette?

Mona Lisa: Huh!? Did you just ask me to marry you?
Michelangelo: Totally.

Mona Lisa: YESS! YES! A million times over yes! Yes I will marry you!

Miss M: Oh shit.

Raphael: There you have it. I never stood a chance with her anyway. I'm outta here. This place seems too clean for the likes of me.

Miss M: Raphael, don't go! We can stop this! (Miss M stands there alone and watches Michelangelo and Mona Lisa get engaged)

Miss M: What are you doing M? You've hit rock bottom.

Michelangelo: Haha. Look babe. I put a ring on it.

Mona Lisa: Haha! We are engaged! What is the world coming to?

Miss M: Just turn around. Just turn around and leave. There's nothing you can do.

Miss M ignores the rational side of her brain. Instead she charges right up towards the table.

Miss M: Oh my goodness, what is this?

Michelangelo: Hi Moth Lady. What are you doing here?

Mona Lisa: (looks a little strangely towards Miss M) Yeah, what are you doing here?

Miss M: (realizes she is crossing a line) Oh, umm, I heard the pizza was good here.

Mona Lisa: (raises an eyebrow) This is a French restaurant.

Miss M: I just realized that. In fact I was actually leaving. I just saw you two here though and thought I'd say hi. Looks like this is a special occasion.

Michelangelo: Totally. I just proposed to Mona Lisa!

Mona Lisa: He sure did. And I said yes!

Miss M: Of course you would. Wow. You two are getting married!

Mona Lisa: I know!

Miss M: But you hardly know each other right? Like, you just started dating.

Michelangelo: Totally. But like, after everything we've been through recently, like you just know. Mona Lisa helped me through a dark part of my life, like, totally dark. And then we went through that Total Darkness event. She was just there for me. She's been like my rock.

Mona Lisa: And no one can make me laugh like Mikey.

Miss M: (feels gutted) Well it's clear to see that you both really care about each other. So umm, it's just an engagement! A lot can happen between now and the wedding!

Mona Lisa: Hopefully not too much.

Michelangelo: Yeah, for sure. Since there always seems to be some crazy thing going on in these parts, I think we shouldn't have a long engagement. We need to just jump into it all ninja style. 

Miss M: Oh?

Michelangelo: Let's get married next month Mona Lisa!

Mona Lisa: I completely agree!

Miss M: (laughs nervously) Ha. Haha. HahaHAhahA. 

Mona Lisa: Are you ok?

Miss M: Yes. (holds back tears) I've gotta go. Congratulations for you both. 

Miss M rushes out of the restaurant.

Mona Lisa: That seemed a bit weird, no?

Michelangelo: Yeah, maybe a little. Moth Lady is nice though. She's a bit weird, but she's a pretty cool babe.

As the two continue to moon over each other, the patrons inside of Tres Bliss freak out as Magneto enters the room!

Magneto: Pathetic homo sapiens and your fancy food fit for fools! While you all dine on the finest of foods, mutants are being hunted down and exterminated. I will not stand for it any longer.

Michelangelo: Is this dude for real?

Magneto: As a show of my strength, prepare to choke on your rich food. I plan on teaching the world a lesson!

Mona Lisa: You know that bit about something always coming up?

Michelangelo: Yep. Never a dull moment.

Mona Lisa: Which is why I am glad we are getting married next month!

Michelangelo: Totally!

Michelangelo: All right Magnet Man! You aren't gonna hurt anybody tonight!

Magneto: You cannot stop me talking turtle. I am the master of magnetism and mutants rule!

Michelangelo: Maybe so, but no one is ruining my date night with my main squeeze! Now get ready for a fight! Cowabunga!

Magneto: Cowabunga? What an annoying word! Roll the end credits on your life!

Michelangelo: Never!

Else where, in more depressing parts...

Shadow Weaver: Mighty Hordak, your guest has arrived.

Hordak: Perfect Shadow Weaver. Leave us be for now!

Shadow Weaver: As you wish.

Hordak: Tiger Claw. I've been waiting for you. Your work is inspired.

Tiger Claw: My work is not cheap. What could the mighty Hordak possibly want me to do?

Hordak: I was a part of a crime nearly a year ago. I helped end the life of some dork girl. And now one of my own members of the Horde has been investigating that crime with a group of women. They call themselves the Cat Ladies and I need them put down.

Tiger Claw: I've heard of these women. They are a frisky bunch.

Hordak: They are a nuisance. Take care of it. It's what I'm paying you a large sum for.

Tiger Claw: Who do you want me to take out first?

Hordak: The one whose betrayal has cut the deepest. I want the jealous beauty known as Catra to be the first to fall. 

Tiger Claw: Catra?

Hordak: Yes.

Tiger Claw: So be it. Just make sure my money is in my account once the job is done.

Hordak: Of course. I'm glad we are in business. Now go. And strike!

October 2014 Bodacious Baddie!

Dear Diary,

I had to leave. I couldn't stand to be in Tres Bliss another minute. I can only imagine the kissy faces Michelangelo and Mona Lisa must be giving each other right now. How could he propose to her? Why can't he see who I really am? I hate feeling like this Diary. I'm a smarter woman than this. I shouldn't let matters of my heart ruin my long standing character development. But I've been through so much misery! And drama! I just want this to be over. I want my old body back. I want my old life. I don't want to lose his love.

But I've already lost it. He is marrying Mona Lisa next month, which is why I can do nothing but run. I want to say I have no idea where I am running to, but that is a lie. I know exactly where I'm going. I'm doing what I do worst. I'm making terribly life decisions. I'm hurting. When I hurt, this is what I do...

Batman: M? What are you doing here at this hour?

Miss M: You're in costume...

Batman: I just got back form my patrols in the city. Again, what are you doing here so late?

Miss M: Take me to Tres Bliss.

Batman: I think they close in a little bit. I can get us a table tomorrow night...

Miss M: NO. You misunderstand. I don't mean the restaurant. I mean real life bliss. Make love to me.

Batman: Wha!?!

Miss M: I didn't stutter.

...and just like that I fold like a bad poker game. This is no game though. This is real life. I'm in love with a man that does not love me, and so I reach for comfort in the arms of another. It's a plot as old as time.

He feels good against me. Oh Diary, what am I doing? This feels so good yet I feel so terrible. 

He is so strong. I've forgotten what this feels like.

He kisses me with his mask on. I let him. 

We fall to the floor in a fit of passion. It sounds like the choreographed scene of a cheesy soap opera.

We can't remove our clothes fast enough. I want to melt into him, to just fade away.

I surrender to him. We make love. All night. I don't understand it, and in those moments where the stars are shining brightest, I forget about everything and feel free.

And when the sun rises and the actions of the night before take hold in my brain, I realize the mistake I have made. What did I do? What have I become? This isn't me. 

Batman: Are you ok M? Last night...

Miss M: Yeah. Last night... 

Batman: I can't believe we did that.

Miss M: Me either.

Batman: Do you want to talk...

Miss M: No. No I don't. Kiss me again. Please. 

I'm not proud. Not one bit Diary. I shouldn't need this, but it feels good. It feels nice to be desired, to be wanted. To be touched by a man. Oh Diary, what have I done? What have I done?

-Miss M

If this can't get you spooked out for Halloween, maybe the next installment of All My Toys will! The month of October gets even hotter as April O'Neil's Halloween party begins and the After Dark spin off takes you to dizzying new heights!

Stay tuned for an After Dark preview...