October 2014 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

Life is actually pretty good. In some ways I've been able to enjoy the life I had in my old body, while being in this new body. I have my old job back. I'm trying to find a way to make Velvet Sky pay for her crimes. April and I have been growing a new friendship all over again. I'm even becoming friends with Michelangelo. It sucks that I'm still, I repeat still, in the wrong damn body, but we can't always get what we want. I've made peace with my new look. In some ways I feel like I am kindred spirits with Psylocke. Except I have wings and I'm not a ninja. Or mutant. Or maybe I am. Maybe my wings and crimped hair are a mutation of the homo superior variety. I also communicate with bugs. Clearly there is some sort of mutation situation going on with Moth Lady.

None of that matters though. I'm going to get Michelangelo back. That's right Diary. I don't care that he has moved on with Mona Lisa. She's a sweet lizard girl and all, but no one can hold a torch to the sweetest dorkette around. We've been meeting up at the dog park lately bonding over Chewie, the dog he bought for me as a gift that I never got... On account of the whole dying thing. It's all good. I'm gonna find my way back into his heart. Everything is comin' up Miss M!

-Miss M

Mila: You know what I think is absolutely pathetic?

Velvet Sky: I don't care. I need more money.

Mila: I think it is pathetic that April O'Neil has decided to try her hand at defying me by branching off and creating a low rent version of Diary of a Dorkette. I heard her office is based out of a Dairy Queen right now. Pathetic! And what's even funnier; she has hired total hacks. Last month they posted two Bodacious Baddie articles and couldn't even post a Heroic Hottie. Who does that? She has hit rock bottom and I love it.
Velvet Sky: That's awesome sis, but I need more money.
Mila: My goodness what do you need all this money for? Cheap hot pink spandex surely can't cost that much.

Velvet Sky: Look, you knew I needed funds and dividends. That was part of the deal. We both wanted this remember? I'm going to become the biggest wrestling star in the world and you are going to be the owner of a massive company set to take down your enemy Sydney Rutledge.
Mila: I know, but when does it end? When will you be famous?
Velvet Sky: I don't know! I was set to take over the world but then that utter Total Darkness nonsense spoiled my plans to say nothing of that blasted dork girl a year ago. I thought she'd never die and now I'm in hiding until those stupid Cat Ladies stop sniffing my trail.

Mila: What? Velvetina, tell me the truth... Did you kill that girl?
Velvet Sky: First off, never use my real name. Secondly, I killed no one. We've been through this already. Now drop it and wire me more money! I have a title belt to win.
Mila: Fine, fine. I got it. I'll transfer some funds immediately.

Velvet Sky: Thank you sis. You're the best.

Meanwhile at the dog park...

Miss M: This is nice, ya know?

Michelangelo: Totally dudette. I can't thank you enough for being so bodacious. You're the only one that can get Chewie out of the house and all wild and wooly at the dog park. He has totally taken a likin' to you.

Miss M: (smiles) Well he is a very sweet dog. (Chewie walks off)

Miss M: (Notices Chewie up to no good and shouts at the vicious poodle) Chewie, leave the poor old lady alone! She is a human not a treat!
Michelangelo: Yeah. He has a gnarly bite. That old dudette's bones look brittle.

Agnes Skinner: This pink dog has a penis. 

Chewie: Grrr. Woof!

Agnes Skinner: Gha! Just who do you think you are, evil pink dog?

Chewie: Woof!
Agnes Skinner: Your bark sounds mean. I think I like you.

Michelangelo: Who would have thought we'd be friends?
Miss M: I know. I'm happy that you were able to look past all that crazy stuff I said about being your dead girlfriend trapped in the wrong body a few months back. I mean, how ludicrous could that possibly be?
Michelangelo: It's cool. You were, like, having a bad time. Are you still living under the bridge?
Miss M: No. I'm still looking for a place to call my own, but I am currently staying at a cheap hotel at the intersection of Mediterranean and Baltic Avenue. It's not ideal, but it is next to a McDonald's so that's good.
Michelangelo: Totally. So what else ya got planned for the day?

Miss M: I'm finally going to get my hair done. My friend She-Ra got me on a waiting list at Truvy and Frenchy's Salon. They are like hair geniuses.
Michelangelo: I've heard about those babes. Mona Lisa finally got an appointment with them too, I had to wait for her to have her hair appointment before I could make plans for our super big date.
Miss M: Oh? So things seem to be going strong for you both?
Michelangelo: Yeah, totally. She's been like a rock. Like a green rock with a cute face on it.
Miss M: (smiles sadly) That's nice.

Michelangelo: Well what about you babe? Any cool dudes on the horizon? Weren't you like living with that creepy rich dude?
Miss M: Bruce Wayne? Yes. We were living together, but just as friends. And he wasn't creepy. Maybe socially awkward, but not creepy.
Michelangelo: Cool.

Miss M: Besides, I've had a crush on another guy for a long time now. I'm not sure I stand a chance anymore with him, but I'm not giving up. If you love someone, you shouldn't give up right? Even if it seems impossible?
Michelangelo: Right on dudette. Never give up on that funny rad little feeling called love.

Miss M: Thanks Michelangelo! I won't give up!

Else where...

April: Ok, to-do list in effect. Get with Bow and the caterers for the Halloween party. Find out who is allergic to peanuts in PayDays. Also find out how to topple Mila's reign of terror and get myself back to my old office; because if I eat another french fry and dipped cone I am going to be sick.

April turns after hearing her name being called.

Irma: April? What are you doing here? I've never seen you in a fast food restaurant before.
April: (stands in shock) Are you real?

Guy Friday: Of course we're real.
Irma: Yeah, we just got back into town and we were craving soft serve.
Guy Friday: Yeah, we were picking up some snacks before heading into work.
April: This is work.

Irma: Eating ice cream is work? Huh?
April: Our lives are over.
Irma: What?

April: The Diary of a Dorkette offices are closed. Mila Rosnovsky somehow bought out Channel 6 and controls everything now. I've relocated here, at the grand Dairy Queen. We're still able to broadcast our articles on the web via the Diary of a Dorkette blog. I don't think Mila has the log-in information so there is really nothing the tart can do. Except there is more she can do. She hired Megan Fox to be the newscaster for Channel 6 news, and get this, Megan uses the stage name April O'Neil!
Irma: Oh wow.
Guy Friday: So it looks like Megan Fox is getting some revenge.
April: What does that mean?
Guy Friday: N-n-nothing April.

April: Good. Because if Megan Fox has anything to say about being tossed down a pit by me, it's all lies! You understand? Now, the question on my mind is this: where the hell have you two been?!
Irma: Calm down April. It sounds like you've been through a lot. We didn't know all this was going on while we were gone. We were staying at Meg...
Guy Friday: We were lost in the Mega Mart!
April: What?
Irma: We were?

Guy Friday: Yeah. We were looking for supplies and got lost in the Mega Mart. Instead of searching for the exit we hid out and took some time off in the camping department. That is until the security guards found us and we were locked up in the Mega Mart time out zone for a few days.
April: Well aren't you two quite the rebels!
Irma: Yeah. That's us. Rebels.

April: Listen, figure out who needs to be interviewed for the month. I need to get things together for the Halloween party this year. It's going to be an anniversary party for Casey and me.

Irma: I thought you were married in July?
April: That was our first marriage. The second one was in October, last year.
Irma: Oh, ok. Got ya.
April: Welcome back you two. Stick around this time, yes?

April leaves.

Irma: You just had to lie didn't you?

Guy Friday: What? I don't know that April could have handled the news that we were staying at Megan Fox's Malibu mansion. Or that we fell in love. Or that we were the ones who rescued Megan Fox from the pit in the first place!

Irma: Yeah, this is true. April has a lot on her plate. Let's just pretend none of this happened. Wanna order some soft serve?

Guy Friday: For sure! Though a Nerds Blizzard would be a dream come true.

Later on at the hair salon...

Truvy: All right darlin, your appointment is finally here!
Miss M: Thanks for seeing me so soon. I know you are booked like crazy.

Truvy: This is true darlin, but once She-Ra gave me a ring to let me know that her friend needed the Truvy special, I couldn't resist. Now tell me, what can I do for ya today?

Miss M: Well... My hair is a disaster area. I'd like to get it fixed. You see, I haven't always looked like this. Life has been rough this past year. Plus I'm trying to win back this guy...

Truvy: Oh a guy huh? Now that sounds like a story.
Miss M: Yeah. Well we were together once and very much in love. However I went away for awhile and now with the way I look, I just don't think he really sees me for me, ya know?

Truvy: Well don't you worry a drop about it darlin, you are here at Truvy and Frenchy's Salon and we'll get you ready in a jiffy so you can go and melt his butter!

Miss M: So you really think this can be fixed?
Truvy: Of course darlin. We'll flatten your hair out.
Miss M: Oh cool! I've always wanted to try out a hair flat iron. Is it an Ionic Ceramic one?

Truvy: No darlin. We'll need to actually use an iron on this crimped hair. I haven't seen hair like this since the 80's. Don't worry, you're in good hands! I'll be right back. Frenchy has an appointment comin in soon and I need to remind her.

Truvy walks away as M stands around taking it all in.

Miss M: Can I truly get him to see the real me underneath all this Moth Lady-ness? Oh goodness what am I doing? (pauses)

Miss M: You know exactly what you are doing. You are gonna get the man you love!

Suddenly M turns as a customer arrives at the salon.

Mona Lisa: Oh, hi Moth Lady. You have an appointment too?

Miss M: Yep. I need the Truvy special.

Mona Lisa: I know, tell me about it. I have an appointment with Frenchy. These two ladies know good hair and I need all the help I can get. I have a big date tonight with Michelangelo. I'm so nervous.

Miss M: (sighs) Yeah. This is going to be one helluva makeover...

Meanwhile...

Michelangelo: Leo, bro, I am totally nervous dude.
Leonardo: Aww Mikey, why are you nervous?

Michelangelo: Dude, I have a date tonight with Mona Lisa and it is a special one. I just don't know if I can go through with it. How do you know when you love someone?
Leonardo: I don't know Mikey. Maybe that's something you should ask Splinter, he is wise in the way of love.
Michelangelo: Only because he watches all those soap operas. Leo, you're the leader. You have to know stuff.

Leonardo: Well, what are you uncertain of?
Michelangelo: I have mega strong feelings for Mona Lisa. But I've also been spending time with that Moth Lady... and there is something about her.
Leonardo: Oh Mikey, don't tell me you are falling for that creepy Moth Lady.

Michelangelo: Oh no dude, not at all. She's a cool dudette and all, but her whole look is gnarly. Not good gnarly, but bad gnarly. I couldn't wake up to that. No way. But she has so much zest for life and the pursuit of love. I want love back in my life bro, but I'm scared to take that step.

Leonardo: I don't know what you are dealing with, but let's be real about a few things, you like spending time with Mona Lisa right?
Michelangelo: Totally.
Leonardo: Great. Then just go with that. Enjoy your date tonight and live your life.

Michelangelo: Totally bro. I'm gonna do just that. This date tonight, it's gonna be the start of a new life for me and Mona Lisa. Just wait and see...

To be continued...

October 2014 Heroic Hottie!

Check back soon as the makeover and date night continue!