Miss M Presents:
Funeral For a Friend. Figures.
Standing all alone in a cemetery, Miss M sadly looks on at a fresh grave marker. Her life may never well be the same.
Miss M: How is this happening? I don't understand. I shouldn't be having to do this. You were all supposed to be saved from the attic. We were all meant to live happily ever after, together. Figures, these things always have a way of happening to me. I won't soon forget the night I got that phone call...
A week ago...
Dr. Brickhead: I am terribly sorry for calling you so late, but you were listed as their 'in case' of emergency.
Miss M: No, I'm glad you called me. Please doctor, tell me the truth. Will my friends make it?
Dr. Brickhead: I'm terribly sorry Miss M. The expedition you sent into the Attic Tri-System was too late. Your team brought them in.
Miss M: I want to see them, why won't you let me see them?!
Dr. Brickhead: I'm so sorry Miss M, but your friends... How do I put this? The heat from the attic was too hot. They were all brought in burned beyond recognition. There's just nothing we could do.
Miss M: No, oh no.
Dr. Brickhead: Would you like the list of some people who could help with the arrangements?
Miss M: No! Leave me alone, this isn't happening! No, no, no!!!
Back to the present...
Miss M: No! Oh no! I was too late! Why did I have to be too late?! I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to forgive myself for not finding you all in time. I'm never going to forget you, any of you...
A familiar voice calls out: M? You ok?
Miss M: Oh April! I'm so glad you got out of the car.
April: I wouldn't dream of not being here for you. I've never been to a funeral at night though. Do they actually have these?
Miss M: I got a better deal having it at night than having it during the day. It just worked out that way.
April: Oh. Well, I was thinking, once you are done here, we could maybe go get a drink at Letter's? It's Ladies Night and the drinks are crap, but they'll be cheap. We can pour one out for your figures.
Miss M: We've got a lot of pouring to do. I've lost the original Superstar Elizabeth. All that was left was her golden skirt. Rhonda and Curtis didn't fare so well either. ALF is going to be heartbroken. And poor Sally. They are still looking for her arm. This is just terrible.
April: Yeah... (feeling creeped out in the cemetery at night) Well, I'm gonna wait back in the car. Let me know when you are ready to go.
Miss M: (fighting back tears) Umm, ok.
April: It'll be all right M. Don't worry. You ended up buying most of those figures again anyway.
Miss M: But it isn't the same.
Taking a seat on the ground, Miss M looks up at the stars.
Miss M: It just isn't the same. They all deserved better than this. To live in the dead heat of that attic, day in and day out. Wondering if I was ever going to rescue them. I can't imagine. I just hope they know that I never once forgot about them. Even though it was all my fault that they ended up there in the first place. Oh Etheria, I'm a terrible person!
Sobbing into her hands, Miss M doesn't realize that she is no longer alone...
Mysterious visitor: How sentimental.
Miss M: Magenta? Is that you?
Miss M: (looking strangely at her guest) Wait a minute. Who are you?
Mystery guest: I've been waiting a long time for this, for the chance to meet you.
Miss M: I don't know who you are. This is a private funeral.
Mystery guest: And I've come to pay my respects. As well as issue a warning. Your life is over Miss M. Completely over.
Miss M: Look, this isn't funny.
Mystery guest: I'd never tell a joke. Your life is over Miss M.
Miss M: Oh please, don't tell me that another Master of Evil is here to kill me. News flash loser, no one could finish the job at the Conference of Evil, and no one is going to do it now!
Mystery guest: We'll see about that!
The mystery guest reaches out to attack Miss M. Acting quickly, Miss M swiftly kicks her assailant.
Miss M: No one messes with me! I mastered Street Fighter 2!
The kick is hard enough to throw the attacker across the cemetery. Crumpled and motionless on the ground, the mystery villain lies there as Miss M cautiously approaches.
Miss M: I wonder who you are. Could it be that I am about to find out who has been trying to kill me this whole time?
Peeling back the dingy robe, Miss M gasps as she comes face to face with the person who has wanted her dead for months.
Miss M: Velvet Sky?! But why? How? I don't understand. What did I ever do to her?
Just then, a fist flies up making contact with Miss M's head.
Velvet Sky: You've done plenty dorkette.
Miss M: Ow!
Scrambling to get up, but dizzy from the punch, Miss M looks up in fear at the pro-wrestler.
Miss M: Why are you doing this to me?
Velvet Sky: You stupid girl. Why not? Are you that stupid that you can't even see what you have done?
Miss M: I have nothing against you, honest.
Velvet Sky: Try again. You cost me everything.
Miss M: What are you talking about? You're crazy!
Velvet Sky: And you're dead. Prepare to face the end of your days.
Miss M: Not today!
The two women begin a deadly brawl. Releasing a flurry of punches and kicks, Miss M fights as much as she can to prevent Velvet Sky from taking her life. Dragging Velvet Sky across the ground, Miss M grins victoriously.
Miss M: You don't scare me! I've watched wrestling too bitch!
Velvet Sky: Oh you annoying little shit! I'm going to make you suffer!
After what seems like an epic long fight, the two eventually find themselves at a stand still.
Velvet Sky: Come here. Let me punch you in that pretty little dorkette face.
Miss M: (realizing she might be had) No! Not my face!
Velvet Sky: I've dreamed of this moment, and now it is finally here!
Miss M: I never did anything to you. Take one more step and I will unleash a can of She-Ra on you so fast! I'm done with these threats!
Velvet Sky stands there, pausing, for just a moment.
Velvet Sky: We'll see about that.
Miss M: Wait a minute! What are you gonna do with that tombstone?
Velvet Sky: This!
Velvet Sky slams the heavy tombstone onto Miss M's head.
Velvet Sky: Pathetic. You are such a dorkette. Unable to put up the least bit of a fight. Now I just need to finish this.
As Velvet Sky figures out how she can dispose of Miss M's body, April's voice calls out in the distance.
April: M! M! Are you done grieving yet?
Velvet Sky: (looking in the direction of April's voice) Damn it! That washed up has been reporter is messing this up!
Sneaking away, Velvet Sky hurries off before getting caught.
April: I understand that the grieving process is different for everyone, but this is ridiculous M. They were just toys! You've bought most of them again anyway. Come on, where are you? We're missing happy hour.
April stumbles on a most gruesome scene.
April: M? My goodness, M!
April: What is this? Oh come on M. Wake up.
Removing the tombstone off her friend's head, April does her best to get her friend up. Eventually Miss M's eyes flutter open and she looks around in a daze.
Miss M: What happened?
April: I think you need to tell me. I found you with a tombstone on your head.
Miss M: How in the world did I end up with a tombstone on my head? I don't remember at all.
April: Did you trip over something? You are always so clumsy.
Miss M: Listen to what you just said. I didn't trip into a tombstone on my head. (rubs her head) I feel like someone was trying to kill me.
April: Well that sounds crazy. I was just over there and I didn't hear a thing.
Miss M: This is so weird.
April: Well, you seem ok. You can stand on your own. That's good.
Miss M: I don't know April. I have a bad feeling about this.
April: You always have a bad feeling. Come on, let's go to Letter's and get a drink.
Miss M: I think I might have a concussion, I don't know that I should drink.
April: Oh M, don't be a dorkette.
Miss M: But I am a dorkette.
April: Lord help me. Come on dorkette. We'll get you a cherry coke.
Miss M: That sounds kinda good actually.
April: Do you think you'll do any dancing?
Miss M: Maybe. Do you think Casey Jones will be there?
April: Ya know, I only know one Casey. You don't have to say his last name every time.
Miss M: I know, but it has a nice ring to it. Don't you just miss him?
April: (walking a little faster) I'm not listening to you. Come on, happy hour is ticking away.
Miss M: I'm hurrying!
April: Also, I think we should maybe have a big party at your place. You know, for the Masters of the Universe Classics 2014 subscription going through.
Miss M: But we don't know if it is going to go through yet.
April: Well you bought one and I bought one. It's gonna go through M. We need to get a celebration in order.
Miss M: Oh alright...
As the two friends hurry to enjoy the rest of their night, a venomous foe steps out of the shadows.
Velvet Sky: Go on Miss M. Have your fun. But know this...
Velvet Sky: ...you may have survived yet another day, but I'm comin for you. And since you don't even remember the past few moments, you'll never expect it.
Pleased with herself, Velvet Sky heads off into the starry night, ready to plot her next deadly steps. Only time will tell if the warrior wrestler woman will find a way to end Miss M. The night feels new and fresh with possibilities.