Or is it luck? I don't really know, but I am finally starting to feel some hope around here.
So I am always at a loss for what I should and should not write about on this diary. Obviously I have no shame in creating toy conversations with my collection and even creating a Hasbro Blythe doll into a toy version of me, but when it comes to personal real life stuff, I am usually mum. It's not that I don't want to talk about those things, it's just that I don't know if people want to associate this dorky ass blog with the plight of the real Miss M. However, I see and admire what other people share about with their lives and it has gotten me thinking.
Laura from Boo Bobby is someone I admire. I actually admire a great deal of you, but Laura does something magical. She is open and honest about her journey. At one minute she is ready to write about various cool items that she stumbles upon, but then in the next sentence she is sharing in her struggles and joys. It is touching, and my reason for admiring that is because I don't have the guts to really do it. Sure I can share long ago memories that are tied to my archival room, but I never know how to share in the current issues and subscriptions that I am involved in.
With that said, I want to make an exception. I'm going to talk about something personal. The last six months of my life have been torturous. Like forget the Horror Movie Marathon on cable, I've been living in my own nightmare with seemingly no end in sight.
I lost my job last April. Not just my job, but my career. I have a Master's Degree in Family Therapy and I had been working as a Marriage and Family Therapist for the last five years. I worked hard and in a variety of settings. However I screwed up and got my dates wrong for my license renewal and to add salt to my stupidity, the licensing board also wanted an audit on my continuing education credits. Gulp. Since I thought I had until this December until renewal, I had not come close to the 30 hours needed for the CEUs. As a result I could no longer continue practicing until I got things squared away.
The problem with being a professional is that it costs money to do so. I was seeing more pro-bono cases than I was paid cases, and as a result I found myself in a tremendously financial stank pickle. I worked at trying to get my CEUs completed so I could get back to work, but things kept falling through. I kept asking for help from colleagues, but there was always some new problem. I felt lost. Then I realized that the first thing I needed to work on was getting a job. Life doesn't care that you need continuing education credits. Life wants you to continue paying your bills on time.
So I applied. To. Everything. And I mean everything. I had no shame at all. I wanted a job and was willing to work anywhere. I even heavily considered being a phone sex operator. I'm not joking. I wish I was, but like I said, I was desperate. Nothing was working. I was going on interviews after interviews, and I was either overqualified, under-qualified, or just plain forgotten. It was soul crushing.
They don't call me a She-Ra fan for nothing though. I never gave up, I simply created alternate ways of making money. I upped my game on eBay and sold stuff that I never thought I'd sell, but in desperate times you simply find the strength to part with items. I also did some freelance writing. I have told you all before that writing is a passion of mine, and I swallowed my fear and actually did some freelance work! With that said though, this femme fatale still needed something more stable. I just didn't think it was going to happen.
But it has! Someone finally decided to give me a chance. All I've ever asked for is a chance. I am a hard worker and I do my best to kick butt at whatever I do. So right now I am a fragrance girl at a department store. I won't lie, it is slightly strange to go from being a therapist to a fragrance girl, but I don't care at this point. I am happy to just have something. I'm also working on completing my CEUs and getting my life back to somewhat normal. (The life of a dorkette is never truly normal.)
So today was my first official day, and honeychilds, I was damn near nervous. I haven't had a retail job in years, and don't let that minimum wage fool you, retail is hard work. The last time I worked in retail the majority of people were still paying with checks. Registers have evolved and all of that stuff just made me so nervous. I was also nervous about my co-workers. Would they like me? Would they think me lame? I was just terrified. I'm 31 years old and I'm terrified that people aren't going to like me. What the hell? That makes no sense. There are just some things though that stick with you. I never strive to be Miss Popular, but I do want to be liked by people. I do. I'm not going to lie and pretend like I'm some hard ass bee with an itch that doesn't care about those things. Love-A-Lot Bear is my favorite Care Bear, ok?
I am happy to report though that I had a wonderful first day. Everyone was so kind and wonderful. I felt like I've known these people forever. It was just a nice first day. I also apparently can sell perfume really well. Of course, I could sell bubbles to Bubble Man. I just have a nice personality. Being kind and sweet is just second nature.
Of course I realize that this is all just the first day. The monster that is the holiday season is just on the horizon, but I feel like I can take it. I'm feeling happier with myself, I feel like my old self is coming back. There's this scene at the end of Mata Hari where Greta Garbo is walking towards her fate, and we all know her fate is not going to be pretty, but she has this look on her face. This look of just pure confidence, like nothing is going to stand in her way. I love that scene. And in my own mind, I want to be able to have that confident face on, because I don't know what is going to be standing in my way in the near future.
I have to say just one more thing though, these last six months have been really rough, but having this diary and chit chatting with you all was truly something that got me through the day. I can't tell you all how much I have enjoyed and appreciated the comments, emails, tweets, and other forms of social media connectivity. I feel like I have met some of the greatest people in the universe. Had there been none of those connections, I would have felt even worse. Thank you all, I appreciate and enjoy every single one of you. I don't always get the chance to comment and I am sometimes late with replying to things, but I am happy to have gotten to know you all. I hope that everyone is doing well. And, don't get it twisted, I may have shared some personal stuff today, but things are going to get real dorky. There's a Bodacious Baddie coming up that will set the pace for the rest of the year and I have a fun festive Halloween Party in the mix. Miss M and her friends are going to be in for one helluva a night! Take care guys and gals!
Mike you are made of strong stuff a real slugger and survivor. She-Ra has nothing on you and i bet this is just the start of a new adventure for you and we are all here beside you supporting you all the way.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much John. I love that you called me Mike. lol I don't think anyone has ever done that before. And your comment made my day. I read all these comments before my morning shift yesterday, and that was a mistake because I was just crying from all the kinda words and I was like, "Crap! I can't be messing up my makeup!" lol Thank you so much. I hope that your weekend is going well!Delete
You're going to do great!ReplyDelete
Thank you! I hope so. I applied makeup to a middle aged lady yesterday and I've never applied other people's makeup. She didn't run away screaming, so I think I'm going to be fine. lolDelete
I'm sure it wasn't easy to write this post but it sounds like it was therapeutic. I faced a similar situation a few years ago - not going to go into details but let's just say I went from having a career to having no job and very little money. And just like you I had to part with some items from my collection that I valued (though I hung on to things I had as a kid) no matter how much it hurt. Eventually I ended up in retail as well - and even though the money wasn't great having a job definitely made things better. Soon I got my act together and rebooted my career and now I'm doing just fine, and my collection is better than ever. So hang in there - things will get better!ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for this comment Pedro. Ya know, it was therapeutic to write this. I had no intention of writing this article, but I just felt this feeling like, "Finally, I feel like it is going to be ok" and I justwanted to share that. Especially since the online community I have gotten to know and become a part of has really gotten me through so much by just existing. I am so glad you made this comment, and I hope that your weekend is going along wonderfully.Delete
Been in retail 19 years, I should be more than I already am, but I'm not because I am me--Fred Rogers said it best--there is no one else in the world like you, you are special--but apparently, if you don't have a square haircut and talk about the big game or kiss ass, you can work yourself to death and get no where. At least I make as much as most of management.ReplyDelete
My tip, just do your best until you have your license back and then leave, you have that option, I don't. What helps me deal with the spoiled lazy housewives (I work in a rich area) is a magical green pill called Klonopin, it keeps me from caring--but, I genuinely do my best because I would want someone to be good to me if I went into a place.
Retail is a horrible nightmare, but you survive...hell, I worked 4am-12pm all week, and you know what, it was to my advantage, even with everyone saying "how can you get up that early?" I go to sleep at 6pm, no problem!
I like leaving before everyone else and they are stuck there for hours more! LOL!!!
Just sell your perfume--toilet water, treat people how you would like to be treated and if someone is a piece of crap, that's on them. All you have to think about is getting back your license and then leaving that place forever. I have to fight to keep my head above water...maybe forever...?
Hey Paladin, well I believe in you and I know that you are beyond special. I value your friendship so much and I know that where you are at does not have to be forever. You are an amazing person. And I don't know how long I will be in retail. Once I get the license issue squared away I will still have to find something, and that could take awhile. So I'm viewing this stretch of retail work as a question mark. I hope you are doing well, you are someone I enjoy talking to a lot. I also have not read your chapter yet, but I will. I work late tonight, but at some point this evening I will be reading it. I also need to email you, but I've been working on finishing things up to send to you. Talk to you later!!Delete
And you know I don't ever blaspheme.
I feel like I want to send you everything I love, after selling a little bit of it to pay for postage, and making you the happiest girl in Texas. I am just squelching over here, not bein able to band-aid this!... There's a lot I want to say but I'll hash it out somewhere less public. But I will say that I agree 100% with your appreciation of the "community". Even in a few sentence comment, the encouragement and lift can make all the difference. And even without it, just layin it out there is so cathartic. I have a few favorite bloggers that really truly feel like friends. Who I look forward to reading from (though like you, I have been way sucking on commenting) and hearing from. You are definitely one of them, Miss M.
And because you are a humble and hard working woman who takes pride in the excellence of her work, no matter what it may be, I know you will sell the shit outta that perfume!
I have not ever typed a curse word for all the world to see in my internet history. That's how much I am rooting for you! ;)
Oh Laura! I adore you! So I use OMG a lot, but I always mean it as Oh My Goodness. lol Your comment is all I need, that is the perfect band-aid. I also feel honored that you cussed, because I know you do not do that at all! : )Delete
I also completely agree with the rest of your comment, there are so many wonderful people online that just really provide this nice sense of community. I just love it and it makes me feel wonderful. I hope that you and your family are doing wonderfully well! Talk to you soon!
Wow. Thats personal alright, but I'm glad you shared, if only because I can relate.ReplyDelete
Applying for jobs outside of your field really requires you to swallow your pride. But at least when I apply for retail I can get the direct response of "Thank you but you're not qualified". Most of my portfolio submissions haven't even warranted replies. Is a simple form letter just too much to ask?
I'm right there with you about Internet chit-chat meaning so much. Sometimes know that you've made a brief connection with someone out there can make all the difference. Even if its just a single "Like" on your Facebook status.
I'm overjoyed that you've found this port in the storm, even if I'm not entirely sure what a fragrance girl does. Any chance you could elaborate on that in a future post?
I know what you mean Erik. It has been like that with finding jobs. Like I am a big girl, if a place doesn't want me, at least let me know. I can handle that, but I don't like the whole, "I never heard from them, maybe my resume got lost?" lol I mean I guess never hearing from them is an answer, but I like hearing an official word back.Delete
And the Internet chit chat is so important! I feel like I have gotten to meet so many wonderful, talented, and cool people that I would not normally have ever met. It means the world to me. Also, a fragrance girl is essentially someone that smells perfume. I'm actually in the fragrance/cosmetics department so they move me around to selling makeup too. I will be writing a post at some point about what this job is like, because with only two official work days under my belt in this position, I have done things I never knew I would ever do. It has been an experience for sure. I hope all is well, and I will talk to you later!
I suspected that it might be working at the perfume/makeup counter, but really all I know of that area of the mall is when I was a little kid and ran past it, fearing that I would catch cooties if I lingered around it for too long.Delete
lol I loved reading this. That is so cute.Delete
Always eager to entertain with my amusing anecdotes. It may say "Illustrator" after my name, but I've always considered myself a storyteller first and foremost.Delete
Yes, and I'm glad you are! I remember you writing about this storytelling topic on your blog before and I was like, "I totally agree with that!"Delete
Miss M, I am so incredibly impressed at how brave you are. Brave to post this, brave to keep working and trying no matter what. It's inspiring. You're inspiring. Hang in there. Keep your goal at the forefront. You kick so much butt I can't even tell you. I'm proud of you, and I know you will succeed. You don't let false pride get in your way. You're proud of all the right stuff. You've got this.ReplyDelete
Thank you Goodwill Geek! This comment means a lot from you. I admire you so much, I love reading about you and your family. You are just a cool person. I hope that everything is going well for you. I really appreciate this comment. It truly does mean the world to me. All of these comments, I was not expecting these comments, and they have all just touched me so much. Hope all is well!Delete
Way to go Miss M. I know that in these times, finding steady work is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I've seen my friends hit highs and lows over the last many months. And it with the highest amount of people ever NOT in the workforce, it's not going to get better any time soon.ReplyDelete
You stay strong. And good luck with your new job!
Thank you so much! It is so interesting, because the news makes it sound like the economy and everything is getting better, but it is rough out there. It is really rough. I am thankful to have this job. It has allowed me to feel like myself again. Thanks for the kind words and I hope you are doing well!Delete
Aww Miss M I'm happy that you found that fregrance girl job, everybody needs to pay the bills. And I really wish you all the good luck in the future. Now I only work 4 hours a day because there are no jobs in Spain, and I'm lucky to get that mini job. because of this I must stopped my toy shopping I can't afford it. but I can pay the bills.ReplyDelete
Hey Nastyroker! It is nice to hear from you. Thank you for the comment. I have heard it has been hard to find a job in Spain and other places in Europe. I hope that something better can come along. I know what you mean about toy shopping taking a back seat. I have had to cut things too, and that's ok. It's a part of life. Although I am sneaky, I will sell things off and any extra money I have will go towards something. (for the toy interviews and stuff) and if it is something I don't really want anymore, I'm ok parting with it. I used ot not be like that, but I've really learned new things about myself in these last few months. You take care, and I will talk to you soon friend!Delete
thanks for sharing. ya know, yer not alone. i know someone who was teaching for ten years, masters degree in education and all and she just called a quits today with no idea what's next. sounds like yer handling it quite well.ReplyDelete
Thanks for this comment. I wasn't handling it well at first. I really felt down and just awful, but I'm feeling better about it now. I feel like things are going to be ok. it is nice to hear from you, and I know I don't always get around to saying it, but your work is so freakin good. I love seeing your tweets and updates to things you are working on. Just so much talent! Hope all is well for you and the person you were talking about in the comment.Delete
sorry to hear your run of bad luck including not being able to so far get your career back on track by getting the credits to do so yet. but what does not kill some one makes them stronger . plus if nothing else your co workers now have some one as nice as you working with them teaching them your ways to do retail and sell perfume.ReplyDelete
Thank you demoncat! I totally agree, this is not going to kill me. I am going to be fine. And I have been working with some amazing co-workers. I have been lucky. I've had retail jobs in the past where I was working with some monsters, but everyone is just really nice and fun. That makes a big difference. I hope all is well with you, and I will talk to you later!Delete
You've already hear this before, but you're not alone Miss M! I've been working retail for 12 years and despite having recently graduated from college with a BS in business I can't find crap! The economy is terrible, but the blogosphere is ripe with wonderful people like yourself! Don't get discouraged, you're doing your best and things will turn out alright as long as you don't lose faith!ReplyDelete
God bless you Miss M, just remember the small things and things will turn out okay in the end!
Thank you so much Mason. The economy truly is terrible. It is so crazy how messy it all is out there. I hope nothing but the best for you too. Thank you for this comment, and I will be hoping for nothing but the best for you too! I have enjoyed reading your stuff and things, and am really glad for that too! Hope the week is treating you well.Delete
Anyone who can write with such eloquence can't fail at whatever she does. One step in front of the other. "Love-A-Lot Bear is my favorite Care Bear, ok?" - that is just GOOD writing. More hugs less slugs and you will cruise. Plus you can make friends with the punk that stocks the toy aisle. That is what we call NETWORKING...Good luck. Your honesty is why I come here and read your stuff. Well that and the insanity. I can't wait to see how this new stuff trickles into your future posts. Madness. LOL.ReplyDelete
Oh Kal I hope this madness will not disappoint! lol There are all kinds of things that inspire the stuff I write about, so there will certainly be all kinds of things to come out of this latest event. I thank you for this comment, it means a lot. I also love the networking part, there isn't really a big toy section in the store, but they do have some Monster High dolls! And I know you can appreciate that! Hope you are well, talk to you later!Delete
Just want to chime in and say "You go girl!" The world is totally upside down right now when it comes to jobs, careers, and the future. Feels like so many of us are not where we dreamed we'd be when we were kids (but then it IS hard to be in an A-Ha music video I guess...) Keep the faith in yourself and keep on rockin', Miss M!ReplyDelete
Oh my goodness, can we totally find a way to star in an A-Ha music video together? I love them, and we can find a way to tie it all with Jem. I appreciate this comment, and I so appreciate you. You were one of the first people I got to know in this blogging/forum world and I so think you are the best. I hope you are doing excellent! I will talk to you later!Delete
You have a job other than being a Dorkette? Man, I know you are a liberated woman and stuff. but aren't you kind of awesome enough to the point where a guy would just pay you to be you? I mean, you ARE working, even if you don't get paid for the blog, you are are bringing joy to everyone! If my wife or girlfriend did what you do,I would be proud to be the bread winner and let you write instead of you having to do a job. That is the generic "me" though, in reality I wouldn't be able to do that. We are too similar. If I was married to you, we would both be writer/creative people. So, yeah, we'd be doomed.But your actual real husband should totally win the bread! That way you get more time to write and entertain us!!ReplyDelete
One day, you will get huge and make money for what you do.You are awesome and deserve it.
And I love it when you do the "gulp"-but it was even funnier this time cuz it was for a real life situation! haha! I can picture the real life Miss M walking into the job and doing the "gulp" sound.
Well I do love bringing joy to everyone, but even if I was married to a billionaire, I'd have a hard time letting someone just fully take care of me. And when I was reading your comment, I had this image of two creative people living together under a bridge but full with stories. lol I love it. I also wrote the gulp part thinking of you. I knew you'd get a kick out of that. I hope you are doing well, and even though I may end up having other jobs, being a Dorkette is the one I love the most! : )Delete
I don't know if I could take the under the bridge life, I don't like eating beans!Delete
But as far as the "letting someone take care of you" thing goes, I do think it is awesome for anyone to want to pull their own weight. But I do think if either a man or a woman with a really awesome talent or vision, is in love with someone who makes money who is willing to support their dream, that is truly OK, because frankly, I don't even know how you do what you do while working! It was hard for me while working. I wrote columns,(not as often as you) but I didn't really get a chance to do my comic stuff until I stopped working and went back to school. This way, for now, I have money, but it's only on loan from the government. At the end of this year,I'll have finished college, then I can't rely on student loan money.So, I know, I gotta fit in as much work as I can, while I don't have to, well..you know, "work" for real, at a job.
Funny that in other countries they measure stuff like "gross national happiness." Meanwhile, here we just feel like shit and all guilty if we aren't killing ourselves at a "job", even if we are doing what we love and do the best.
Well, one way or the other, I wish you the best at your job, and I am sure I will be joining the work force right back with you soon enough! (but lets hope one day we won't have to)
lol Literally, in any free time I have, I am doing writing. lol I have no life. I'm either working or doing something with writing or taking pictures of things. It is a mess.Delete
Hopefully one day we can both get it all figured out and have fabulous jobs doing what we love! : ) I hope you are doing well. I don't like eating beans either! lol
Excellent post. Very happy for you that things are going well. I relate 100% to this post. I was doing something I geared myself towards all my life and then realized it may not have been for me. I took all kinds of jobs because I had to pay the bills too, so I get that! As always, things could be worse. Sometimes we just power through. It's like the Facts of Life theme song "you take the good you take the bad...blah blah." Thanks for sharing this personal anecdote because there's probably a ton of people who are in the same situation and they might get some comfort out of reading this.ReplyDelete
Hey Jay! Thank you for this comment. I didn't even think that this would be something that people could find comfort in relating to. I hope that it can do those things. I know we have talked about stuff like this briefly before, and I hope wonderful things for you too. I have so been enjoying your posts for Halloween. I need to comment, but I have been so behind and I'm behind on replying to all the comments on here. You have always been so kind and such a supporter of this blog, and I just hope you know how much I appreciate that. Now I have the Facts of Life theme song in my head. (Not that that's a bad thing!) Hope all is well.Delete