Friday, October 18, 2013

Countdown to Halloween Edition: October 2013 Heroic Hottie!

Dear Diary,

The smell of pumpkins is in the air. I saw a man purchasing a Jabba the Hutt costume at the store. I'm actually in love with that commercial where the family is trick or treating and they are dressed like Star Wars characters, and the dad is dressed as Jabba the Hutt while his baby daughter is hanging on his chest in that bikini Princess Leia outfit. It is beyond cute. I also recently bought some mousse. My hair has never looked better. It's this Herbal Essence volumizing stuff and I just feel so confident, like I'm ready to take on the world. Ok. Maybe I'm rambling. I actually should probably get going. I'm in the office and April O'Neil needs to talk to me about this month's Heroic Hottie. See ya later when I'm curled up on the couch with General Hospital on in the background.

-Miss M

April: Miss M! There you are. What's the scoop on this month's interviews?
Miss M: I'm not really sure. I've been doing my best to get a meeting with Count Chocula, but he is pretty hard to track down.
April: Of course he is. He's in high demand ever since they had that chocolate festival in Cherry Merry Land. You'll just have to find someone else.
Miss M: Wait a minute. Why are you wearing a crop top?

April: What does that have to do with finding someone to interview M? When your body is this sickening, wearing a crop top is common place. Besides, I want Michael Bay to see this and eat it for not hiring me to play me in that movie.
Miss M: You do realize he won't be reading this, right?
April: You don't know that.
Miss M: Honey, I think you need to let this all go. Megan Fox is playing you. Deal with it.
April: Oh shut up. I told you never to repeat that name around this office. Ever.

Miss M: Oh April. It's really going to be all right.
April: Of course it will M. Now get out of here and find one of the damn Monster Cereals to interview. It's why people are even here.
Miss M: Sure. I can do that.
April: Oh, and one other thing, you better bring it this year with your costume. We're having a big Halloween party and I'm hoping it will be fun. Lousy costumes will make the night suck. Don't ruin this for us.
Miss M: I won't! And to prove to you that I will rock it this year, I'll also bring some snacks!
April: Please don't. We'll order in. It's safer that way.
Miss M: Sigh.

October 2013 Heroic Hottie!  

Inside his grand office, Franken Berry is in the middle of an important business call...
Franken Berry: (on speakerphone) So listen to me, I say we get the hottest DJ around and find a way to remix the Monsters Go Disco single. The world needs a good hit again, you know? What do you think GM?
GM: Franken Berry, I'm listening to you, but maybe we should stick to the cereals. The good news is you are outselling Boo Berry, but the Count is the one to beat. The numbers aren't looking good though. If you can't sell more boxes of cereal, your royalty checks will be smaller and gone will be the chances of seeing your cereal year round.
Franken Berry: Not good. So what you're saying is that I need some major publicity to push me to the top?
GM: Exactly! Maybe after you get your numbers back up we can revisit the Monsters Go Disco single. How does that sound?
Franken Berry: Good I guess.
GM: Wonderful. That's the spirit I'm looking for Frank.
Franken Berry: It's actually Franken Berry.
GM: Yeah. Ok.

Franken Berry: I must be going, Miss M from Diary of a Dorkette is here.
GM: Good! Good! I will see you at the next big cereal movers meeting.
Franken Berry: Yeah. Sure thing. (Franken Berry clicks off of the speakerphone and buzzes for Miss M to enter into his office.)

Miss M: Wow. This is some kind of office. I like that you have such a big poster of yourself behind the desk. I'd do something like that too if I had my own cereal.
Franken Berry: We could certainly make that happen! You strike me as someone who would have a bland cereal, and I mean that in the nicest way.
Miss M: Oh. Ok. Umm, anyways, I do not mean to be bothering you, but I was wondering if you'd like to sit for an interview for the October Heroic Hottie?

Franken Berry: Oh I would love to! Wait a second... Count Chocula was busy huh?
Miss M: Maybe. (Franken Berry looks offended) Don't be sad though! Sure Count Chocula is the more popular one out of the Monster Cereals, but you are hosed down in Pepto Pink, and pink is my favorite color! So... In a way, we should be the best of friends.
Franken Berry: Would you like a snack?

Miss M: Sure. I'm actually kinda hungry.
Franken Berry: Great. Let's go to the kitchen and we'll chat a spell.

A few steps later...

Miss M: You're kitchen... it feels so familiar.
Franken Berry: I get that a lot.
Miss M: So what have you been up to lately?
Franken Berry: A great deal. Fall is upon us and every year the other Monsters and I work on promoting our cereals and proving to General Mills that we need to be brought back all year round. Sadly our sales have yet to justify to GM our importance for a much longer haul. Did you know that most people don't even eat breakfast?
Miss M: I know. It is such a travesty. Especially because it is the most important meal of the day! At least that's what smart people in white coats say.
Franken Berry: Yes, they do say that. Either way, the numbers have been somewhat promising this year. General Mills even took a leap of faith and brought back some familiar haunts.
Miss M: Really?
Franken Berry: Oh yes. Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy have returned. Say, would you like a taste test of all the Monster Cereals?
Miss M: Only if you can give me a review on them!
Franken Berry: I'd love too!
Franken Berry: We'll look at Count Chocula first. Try some.
Miss M: (takes a bite) Ohhh very chocolatey!
Franken Berry: Yes! There is a blend of chocolates that are melted over a low flame before the quick dry method is applied. The quick dry method traps the various chocolates into one tasty crunch. The cocoa marshmallow bits add another dimension of sweetness. This particular cereal pairs well with iced milk. The melding of the two creates chocolate milk.
Miss M: I actually hate milk. I'm so sorry.
Franken Berry: That's ok! I am a master of culinary tastes. If you want to walk on the wild side, this cereal will also work with a fine fresh squeezed glass of orange juice. To make the experience even more decadent, add some champagne.
Miss M: Ohhh, that's fancy!
Franken Berry: Mimosas and Count Chocula: the definition of glamorous taste.

Miss M: Oh, what do we have here? Boo Berry!
Franken Berry: Yes Miss M. Rich in antioxidants, Boo Berry is the more healthier option out of the Monster Cereals.
Miss M: Really?
Franken Berry: No, not really. But I can honestly say that the caramelized process that goes into each Boo Berry bit is dusted with just the faintest trace of wild berry too. The wild berry complements the blue berry. Go on, taste some. That tingle you feel on your pallet at the end is the wild berry.
Miss M: Oh my goodness, I really taste the tingle!
Franken Berry: Yes! Boo Berry also pairs well with a CranGrape or Pomegranate beverage.
Miss M: Oh and the pop of the marshmallow bits really adds dimension to the flavors!
Franken Berry: I know, but up next we are about to really experience some dimension in flavor.

Franken Berry: What else can I say? Fruity Yummy Mummy is simply an explosion of citrus flavors that creates the most complex flavors of the Monster Cereals. The orange cream used is imported straight from Cairo and blended with a secret ingredient. There is such a strong amount of citrus in this cereal that it takes multiple bites to truly understand the various levels of flavor.
Miss M: Oh wow. This one could really mess up my acid reflux.
Franken Berry: Yes, but I must say, it is the most satisfying when you need that burst of energy. You can feel the orange cream melt like butta.
Miss M: What should I serve with this if I'm hosting a party?
Franken Berry: Orange juice or mimosas work well with this treat, but to really bring it to the next level, try adding these pieces with a dessert drink. The citrus is perfect for a fruit punch with sherbet ice cream dropped in or added with an Orange Julius.
Miss M: How festive!

Miss M: Now who is this hunk of burning love?
Franken Berry: Frute Brute. We haven't seen him in a long time. He had a brief falling out with General Mills when it was exposed that cherry cereals cause unwanted hair growth.
Miss M: Oh my goodness!
Franken Berry: Yes, sad indeed. But, GM ran some further studies and found that the hair growth was actually attributed to people carrying the werewolf gene.
Miss M: I had no idea.
Franken Berry: Yeah, you really need to watch A Current Affair more Miss M. Anyways, this is one of the more interesting cereals. Cherry cereal does not sound appealing on first bite, but the sweetness of the cherries mixed with glazed crunchy cereal adds a blend of unique flavors.
Miss M: I agree. This one is my favorite. Sorry Franken Berry, but I could eat Frute Brute all day long.
Franken Berry: Well let me recommend a fine drink to go with your choice in cereal. Frute Brute has a strong sweet flavor that can work for either a morning meal or a night time dessert. CranApple pairs brilliantly with this treat and enhances the sweet side effects. If you are in the mood for a diabetic shock, I might also suggest Cherry Dr. Pepper to really punch it up a notch.
Miss M: Wow, this is giving me a toothache. Whatever happened to water?
Franken Berry: Water? M, this is fine cuisine. You don't drink water with a meal like this.
Miss M: I guess. What do we have next?

Franken Berry: Franken Berry of course!
Miss M: Look at you! I've often wondered, are your nails actual strawberries, or is that just a damn good mani?
Franken Berry: I must admit, I get a top of the line manicure to achieve that strawberry nail look.
Miss M: I love it.
Franken Berry: You'll also love Franken Berry. Give it another try, it is similar to Frute Brute, but the explosion of strawberry is enough to transport you to another world and time. Fresh strawberries are picked at the peak of perfection for every box. All seeds are removed before the crunchification begins and the marshmallow bits help add another level of sweet to the almost tangy concoction.
Miss M: There is a battle of sweet and tangy taste going on in my mouth.
Franken Berry: Yes, I know. Of course the question on your mind must be what to drink with it. Milk goes rather well with Franken Berry and really all the Monster Cereals, but since you loathe milk, there is really only one option: champagne. For a truly decadent time, you must have a champagne or sparkling white wine with this cereal. It truly enhances the flavors and brings the strawberry out even more. Pink champagne and strawberry soda will also do the trick. Moderation though is key to any decadent meal, just a healthy tip.
Miss M: I don't think the word healthy should be used in this interview at all.

Franken Berry: There is a great deal of food to go through though, isn't it?
Miss M: Wow, I feel like you should be on the Food Channel.
Franken Berry: Well I am working at trying to get my cereal back on shelves all year long. There really isn't anything quite like the Monster Cereals. They taste so delicious.
Miss M: Wow. Do you cook other things besides cereal?

Franken Berry: A little.
Miss M: You might just be the perfect man. You love pink. You have funny things on the side of your head. You advocate cereal as a dessert to be experienced with champagne. There must be women throwing themselves at you left and right!

Franken Berry: I wish. I don't think I've been on a date in years.
Miss M: We need to change that! Ya know, being a Heroic Hottie has its perks! Women from all over will be writing in for your information!
Franken Berry: That sounds nice, but I don't know that I want to go through all that dating stuff. I've been around for a long time M, I'm now at the point in my life where I am D.T.M.
Miss M: I don't follow.
Franken Berry: Down To Marry. I'm looking to spend the rest of my life with someone. Do you know anyone that would want to marry me?
Miss M: Not off the top of my head. I'm sure there is someone out there though! And I tell you what, I'll find her! I'm pretty good with match making. I think. I mean, it can't be that hard! You are a cereal mascot for a giant corporation. You are like the face of breakfast.
Franken Berry: M, you are making me sound like a magnet for gold diggers.

Miss M: Well those gold diggers are gonna be turned into golden crisps if they try to use you. I'll make sure I find you the perfect bride.
Franken Berry: You'd do that for me?
Miss M: Of course! I'm a proponent for love. So, I'm gonna get going. I have some more work to do if I'm going to find the love of your life!
Franken Berry: Wow, thanks Miss M! How can I make this up to you?
Miss M: How about an unlimited supply of Frute Brute? That stuff is real good.
Franken Berry: It's a good thing I know him. I'll see what I can do. Thanks for making me the Heroic Hottie for October Miss M! You're a real peach.
Miss M: I've never really been a fan of peach, but I'll take it. Until next time!

With Miss M gone, Franken Berry looks around his kitchen, feeling truly happy for the first time in ages.

Franken Berry: I wonder who she will find to be my one true love? I just hope she'll be a fan of disco...

October 2013 Heroic Hottie!

Up next!

Can Miss M find Franken Berry's lady love? All is revealed with the October Woman of Wonderosity!


  1. nice heroic hottie pick miss. m espically love all the drinks franken berry was recommending to go with each cereal . plus can't wait to see who toy miss m fixes him up with.

    1. Thank you demoncat! I wanted to have some fun with this and treat these basic cereals as culinary treats. lol I know nothing about culinary anything. lol I hope this little story arc will be fun though.

  2. No beer with cereal?no Beer-realy? That makes me sad M.
    But fuck it, this was awesome! Let's write a treatment for a show about misguided teens that discover, when they eat monster mallows, they become SUPER POWERED MONSTERS!
    Couldn't be more mediocre than the S.H.I.E.D show, ya gotta admit.

    1. I don't know why I didn't add beer to any of the cereals. I don't really know that much about beers to add them to one of the cereals, but then again, I don't drink wine or champagne either so I don't know why I was picking those things. Now which beers would you suggest for these cereals? lol And the Super Powered Monsters idea does sound like a better show than what is on television right now for sure. lol

  3. They've been playing that Star Wars family commercial every time I've watched a video on blip TV this week. Oh well, I'd rather see a good commercial over a hundred times and just get used to it than have to endure a bad commercial for only thirty seconds.

    Incidentally, I've never been a fan of open midriff shirts. Maybe it’s because I grew up in Michigan were these kind of clothes just didn't exist, but it really bothers me how this shirt has become visual shorthand for “teenage girl”. It seems far too showy for someone so young. If I were to have ever draw a character who dressed like this, I'm probably make her a little rounded along the sides of her belly, emphasizing the “muffin top”. It'd stand out as a bit unconventional for these kind of stick figure tummies.

    And I am going off my soapbox now.

    1. Oh wow, I didn't realize they were showing that commercial that much. I have only seen it like once or twice, which is why I kinda don't remember what the commercial is for. lol

      And I know what you mean about midriff tops. I wore the heck out of them when I was a teen and in my early 20s because I thought it was what was expected of me and what was "cute." But looking back it was anything but cute. I feel like I came off as being beyond desperate for attention and someone to look at me. I kinda wish I had enjoyed better fashion choices.

      And never worry about getting off a soapbox here! I love soapboxes! : ) Of course, I do love a good rant and ramble. It's why I've managed to keep writing things for this blog. lol I hope you are doing well. I replied to your other comment, but in case you don't see it, I totally watched I Walked with a Zombie and it was amazing. That sugar cane scene was amazing. I am so glad you mentioned it to me, I had a blast watching that movie.

    2. I think we all have decisions from that time of life we regret, especially when it comes to fashions, even if its scars are only superficial.

      I'm glad you enjoyed "I walked with a zombie". Its not often people actually look into my retro recommendations.

    3. Yes, thank goodness the scars of my ill informed fashionable youth are only superficial. Well, except for that one time I wore this truly atrocious top to the mall, and there may or may not have been a mob rule after me.

      And I really did enjoy I Walked with a Zombie. I am all about recommendations. I stll haven't watched the Leopard Man yet, but I will. I have been a bit behind on things.